My Early Years-Desiring to Belong

20161022_160802-1As I sit and ask the Holy Spirit to lead me on this journey of blogging for God; so much has come back to my memory.  Therefore; I know without a shadow of doubt that God is using my life testimony to not only heal me, but to help someone else. Believe me this is not easy for me! But I will be obedient as obedience not only brings deliverance but releases God’s power in our life. I do not want to miss out by standing on the edge of my destiny and being afraid to enter into all that He has planned for me.

John 15:9-14 NIV…… {9} As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. {10}If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. {11}I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. {12}My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. {13}Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. {14}You are my friends if you do what I command.

God has reminded me of a story of when I was about 6 years old. I remember anger. I missed my cousin Chris’s birthday party at my grandparents because I was so angry and had a big hissy fit……all because my ponytails in my hair were not smooth. That put me sitting at the end of the tobacco patch while my mama worked in the field topping and suckering. I  missed out that day because of anger and disobedience. Little did I know that this was the beginning of the story of my life!

As a little girl growing up in a rural farming community life wasn’t extravagant. I grew up extremely poor. My dad worked at a hardware store and my mama was a stay at home mom who worked on the farm for my dad’s cousin. When my brother and I become of age; we too worked on the farm. This was how we got our school clothes and school supplies. Life seemed so unfair. Other families went on vacations or the state fair; we were lucky to go Tastee Freeze to eat. I so desired a life-like others.

School wasn’t much better. I loved learning but I didn’t like the fact that all during my school years I was picked on, laughed at, and made fun of. School mates told me I was ugly, that I stunk, and laughed at my clothes. Talking about making someone feel really down and out! That was me and this was the beginning of me feeling unworthy and pushing me further into a hole than what I already was in.  I didn’t have the clothes like others and I didn’t get to take part in extra-curricular activities and I so desired too. I wanted to be like everyone else, accepted, belonging and loved. I wanted true friends.

In the 2nd grade my best friend whom I loved very much devastated me when she told me she couldn’t be my friend anymore because I was too poor. Then in the 6th grade; my best friend at that time had made the cheer team squad. Me being the outsider; once again I was told I can’t be your friend anymore. Rejection was tough on me! I was different, felt unloved at home and at school. At this point I became even more angry and bitter.

The emotional pain was so overwhelming! I remember going outside at nights and laying on the grass looking up a the stars in the sky and crying out to God. See even back then I knew He existed but I wasn’t living for Him and definitely didn’t know anything about a personal relationship with Him.

From a broken, bitter, angry, depressed, extremely shy girl who wanted to feel accepted and loved; my life started a chain of events that went spinning out of control.  Therefore leading me on a not so glorious journey.

But God!!!

Join me next week as I continue this journey…

Much Love To You All !

4 thoughts on “My Early Years-Desiring to Belong”

  1. I would never have guessed that such a beatiful and friendly person would have been picked on. I can relate to this! Thanks for sharing!

  2. This right here is why as a mom, I raised my kids to never make fun of someone as you do not know the walk that they are having to walk in life. ❤️️ You my dear friend

  3. You are touching so many as you bear your soul. We overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and the Word of our testimony.

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