My Early Years – Desiring to Belong (Part 2)

At some point in our life, we have all been guilty of saying or doing something to hurt another in some form or fashion. Perhaps not on purpose; but it has happened. There is good in everyone. It just may not always appear to be so; especially when we are on the receiving end of the negativity. It is my hope that through my obedience I can help you see the beauty in yourself. We all have skeletons in our closet; some we wish we could hide but God uses those ugly skeletons to help others. Boy do I have many ugly skeletons! He promised to make beauty from my ashes and He is doing just that!  Praise God!

Isaiah 61:3 {NIV} and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called the oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

First and foremost, this blog is not to single out anyone and to not place blame on anyone for anything whatsoever. What this blog is going to do is show you what God can do and has done in the life of one woman. I may be one voice for God but He has chosen to use to me and I will be obedient. In my obedience I pray for healing, wholeness, restoration and deliverance for you and for me.

As I start my middle school years remember  I have gone from loosing two best friends in elementary school to feeling unworthy. And now broken, bitter, angry, depressed and extremely shy and just wanting to belong and be loved.

A true outcast; I became pretty much a loner. However, I did have a couple of good friends but I could not allow them completely into my heart. In the 8th grade I was in a class with the academically gifted, I was a Beta Club Student. But these were some of the same classmates that had hurt me and I did not want to be in that class. I felt like they thought they were better than me because they all had more things, better clothes, etc.. and had told me I wasn’t rich enough to be friends with. Even the teacher was not so nice to me. Some of  these classmates lied on me and told the teacher that I was skipping school and hanging out with some guys on field day. Truth was my mom checked me out of school for lunch and I was nowhere close by. Upon returning to school the teacher snatched my arm, hurting me and telling me I was in trouble. Granted my mom saw the whole thing. Trying to tell the teacher the truth, she would not listen. It got pretty nasty in the principals office the next morning when my mom had a meeting with the two of them. I never received an apology but I grew even more angry and withdrew even more. I got sick just thinking about going to school. I cried alot because I hated feeling the way that I did.

That year I missed so many days of school that I almost failed. I mean I made a failing grade in PE! How does someone do that right?!!  Well I did! And if I could have, I would have dropped out of school that year! I went from Beta to borderline in no time flat! I gave up and I stopped trying because of feelings. I didn’t feel like I fit in and I lowered my standards and became less than what I could be. Whew, I never knew the effects that emotional pain and rejection could have on a person!

Our choices bring life or destruction! That is the free will we have been given. We much choose wisely. I didn’t do so well after leaving middle school. What happens next when I entered the world of dating at such an early age, brought even more destruction into my life. Those skeletons are about to come out and bring life to many I pray!

I sure wish I could of had someone to pour into me like I do now. Gods love, mercy and grace are overwhelming. If I had of never settled and become less than what God intended back then there is no telling where my life would be today. Although life can be tough, have courage and rise above; never settle and never let anyone make you feel unworthy. God says you are valuable and so very loved. So much that He allowed His Son to die for your sins and mine! He has given to each of us gifts and we are to use these for His glory not ours. If we do not apply ourself; we do ourself and others an injustice.20161022_160712-1

The devil will use anything he can to destroy us. Even to the point of us thinking we aren’t good enough and that others think they are better than us. We have a choice to be a victim or become victorious. Unfortunately it took me many years of heartache and pain to realize this. I allowed my feelings to dictate my life for so many years. Remember when someone comes against you, it is not the person but a spirit attacking you. …. don’t hate the person but hate the sin. We have to have test before we can have a testimony.

Join me next week; when this journey is going to start getting tougher for me to share. But I am trusting God through it all!

Much Love to you all!

God Bless You.

3 thoughts on “My Early Years – Desiring to Belong (Part 2)”

  1. Love you my friend. I to had trouble in my 8th grade year and almost did not make it to my 9th grade year. The school I started then really did not believe that I was going to make it but 3 years later I did graduate Highschool early, was called back as validictorian and started college before graduating. It would not have happened had I not had a close family friend’s mom pour God into my life during those years.

  2. You shine so bright for the LORD…You are so precious…and beautiful…like an Angel …Your story will help many…and God will get all the glory!!! How could it be any better than that! The latter shall be so much better than the former!!! Thank you LORD!!!

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