Love, Lust and Fear

My junior high years were very tough; but I didn’t realize they were only the beginning of what was about to happen because of my decisions. I felt like the ugly duckling and with all the others starting to date and having boyfriends; I wanted to fit in. I so desired to have someone to love me.

At the age of fifteen I had attended church some and one of my friends brother asked me out. Surprisingly, I was allowed to go since it was a family ordeal for his grandmother’s birthday. I was extremely excited that someone was interested and he went to church. I even started attending church regularly and I asked God into my life. Both relationships were short-lived as I started dating a different guy. Sadly at the age of fifteen I started drinking, smoking, and having sex. Little did I realize this was the beginning of a very rough road for me; emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. What I thought was love, most definitely wasn’t!

After being sexually active, I soon realized he had been cheating on me and would only come pick me up if he had nothing better to do. Many times I would sit at home and cry because I just wanted to get out of the house and wanted to be loved. This was not love on either side! He paid attention to me but not as it should have been. And the attention that he eventually gave turned into abuse and left me fearing for my life. I had totally walked away from God and the relationship of real love for the lust of the world.

1 John 4:18 {NIV}  There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Girls, please don’t settle just to have someone. If a guy is interested; he will definitely let you know. Don’t go chasing them or doing stupid stuff as I did. Please don’t follow in my footsteps and think you are not good enough to deserve better. You see; I thought that because he gave me some of his time and had sex with me that he loved me. Boy was I wrong! That definitely wasn’t love; only lust. If he had truly loved me he would have never touched me and vice versa! I was young, insecure, and down right stupid. Totally blinded because I so desperately wanted someone. I was a true glutton for punishment.

True Love Waits!!!

As the story unfolds you will see how my decisions to turn from God totally turned my world upside down. But God makes beauty from the ashes!

Join me next week as I continue with a heartbreaking story of deep pain….

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2 thoughts on “Love, Lust and Fear”

  1. So many young ladies can relate. I read something recently that talked about someone going through hell and coming out of it with buckets of water for those that were still in it. Your testimony makes me think of one doing just that. God will use it to set many free I do believe. You should write a book. Love you!

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