Ignorance Is Bliss- Blessings and Cursings (Part 1)

20161229_091917I trust that you have had an amazing Christmas and New Year’s Eve! May God Bless you all with super-natural increase in every area of your life as you start 2017. The year 2017 is going to be amazing with God as my pilot!

Know God, Know Peace! No God, No Peace!

Revelation 12:11{And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.}

As I continue to blog for God, just know that this is not easy for me! I am no writer and it’s difficult telling the world about my past. But this whole blog is to show what God can do in the lives of people and to bring Him Glory!  I am not perfect; but praise God I am not who I use to be!

Three weeks ago in “Hidden Dangers of Spitefulness (part 2)” I ended with telling you I had met someone new (Timmy) after leaving the guy who had raped me and had over-dosed (Tim). However, the new guy (Timmy) became my drinking buddy. Remember, ignorant  me wants so badly to think that any attention is love that I chose to ignore his drug problem. Out of the frying pan and into the fire, leaving one Tim for another with the same problem!  What was I thinking!! The same first name too!

As I thought that my love for Timmy would change him and he would stop using; I jumped in headfirst into a relationship and marriage that gave me the greatest blessing here on earth; but not without much cost! My anger, bitterness and hatred only increased as time went on.

Leaving Hubert was the best idea that I had in a long time; but hanging out in Beulaville may not have been the smartest. My past, my memories, and my reputation was all there and I ran right smack back into the lies of the enemy. Just hanging out with friends sitting in front of the old laundromat as the youth cruised up and down main street; we saw this really handsome guy driving an old pickup truck. My friends and I all thought he was something else. I hung out a little later hoping he would stop to talk to me. Guess what? He did!

After talking for a while we made plans to meet later that week to plan our first date. Wednesday came and we met and was trying to choose a movie to go see. However when I  was indecisive he became angry and threw the newspaper containing the movie info out the car window. This was a red flag for me and  I wasn’t going to go out with him. However, my mom told me I was going because I had told him that I would go. She didn’t know about the newspaper ordeal and wanted me to keep my word.

The night came for our date, he arrived and met my parents and off we went. I don’t remember much about that night but I do remember we continued to see each other. My drinking increased again and we were drinking together. We both loved the beach and many  days we just sat and drank. I don’t how we got home most of the time; only God is all I can say!

He was living with his dad when I met him and this is where I realized he was using drugs, heavier drugs than the last guy. Walking outside to check on him one day; I walked upon a sight I never had expected to see! I was truly shocked and I do not know why I stayed in this relationship. Perhaps my loneliness and thinking that I was unworthy of more in my life is what kept me bound. I so wanted someone to love me and to get out of my parents home. I chose to ignore the drug use, heavy drinking and the disrespectful behavior because when he was sober you couldn’t ask for a better man. Another red flag that I chose to ignore was he had two kids that he hadn’t seen in years and didn’t even know where they were. But still I thought my love could change him.

We found a place together and things didn’t go so well. I was insulted and ridiculed for not wanting to take part in more of his activities. I drank but I didn’t want to do more; there was always something keeping me from pursuing drugs. I know now that it was God!

After living together for two years; we decided to get married. His drug use had decreased and I thought things would be great as I thought perhaps he was on the road to a clean life. My ignorance — as we only can see what we want to see! They say love is blind and I guess in this case it was. I truly loved him with all my heart.

Being married in April; I got pregnant in October and was so excited! But when I awoke one morning in November I was having a miscarriage once again. My heart was breaking as I wanted a baby so badly! I have since learned be careful with what I say because we speak things into existence!  (Proverbs 18:21) This devastated me and I cried out and said “God, all I want is one blonde, curly haired little girl can I please have that”!? After having the abortion at 17 years old and now this second miscarriage I was thinking that I would never be able to have a child.

In December I once again was pregnant but in January, again I awoke to a miscarriage! But thank God this time I already had an OBGYN in whom I called. He told me to go straight to the hospital. They did an ultra sound and the doctor said there is your baby; everything looks good. When I asked what had happened she said it had been twins and I lost one.  My words cost me; for out of our mouth we speak life or death.

Death of another baby but thank God I was still carrying one! However, extreme difficulties within life, marriage and my pregnancy are just ahead! Join me next week when this story continues with much more destruction before life!

Our joy and happiness isn’t found in another person. Our joy is from the Lord and our happiness comes from within ourself. You see I went through so much devastation in life simply waiting on someone else to become who I wanted them to be. But the reality is I am the one that needed to change in order to truly have the peace, joy and love I so desired! Running from God and pursuing everything but Him; cost me tremendously. I have had many Blessings in life but I know that I stopped many due to my disobedience to God. Girls, pursue God and He will give us the desires of our heart!

Happy New Year & know that God Loves You and So Do I!

Christmas Miracles – How the Poorest Christmas Became the Richest

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Sorry this blog post is a day late. With my Christmas visits with family and friends I am running behind!

When I woke this morning (Christmas morning) I had every intention to pick back up on the story of my life. But God spoke to me and is sending me in a different direction tonight. You see God has shown me the true meaning of Christmas this year and it’s not about expensive presents like most people think.

Jesus was born at Christmas and is the greatest Christmas gift we will ever receive. His love for us is immeasurable.  {Luke 2:1-20}

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It started back at the beginning of December when depression tried to overtake me. Being a single mom with a daughter trying to find a full time job can be very difficult financially. Then on top of financial hardship there are the memories of the past when you had an entire family.  Just seems like life is so unfair sometimes. But then again our choices in life get us where we are. We can’t always blame the devil because he isn’t that good, so lets not give him too much credit. Most of the time it’s our own fault. But to get back on track with this story; I told you in a earlier post about the AC unit repair and the electric bills cleaning out my bank accounts. Hence cleaned out accounts, one household income and trying to keep things going, equals two broke girls at Christmas.

I was so depressed thinking about not being able to buy gifts this year for my friends and family like I had done in the past. I was thinking about the movie “Christmas in Canaan” where they were financially unable to buy Christmas gifts so they cut out pictures from catalogs of the items they wanted to be able to give and wrapped them. They gave from their heart although there was no tangible gift there was love. I thought about this movie several times. The things I wanted to be able to buy and what I could afford were no where near each other. I kept reminding myself God always knows what we need and He always provides.

As Christmas got closer and it was almost time for Christmas break from work I struggled because I wanted to buy gifts for coworkers and my bosses. Myself, I love it when others make things for me as these gifts are from the heart. But when you hear others around you discussing all the expensive things they are purchasing for love ones it makes you wonder if you perhaps are alone in appreciating the simple heart felt gifts. By this time I didn’t feel that my homemade goodies I was contemplating making were going to be good enough.  But I wanted to give them something; so I baked with love. And although I didn’t buy what my heart wanted for my family; I purchased what I could.  But this past week God allowed me to discover that my poorest Christmas has been my richest. Although I was financially unable to give to others, God used me as His voice, hands and feet to help several this Christmas.

It started last Wednesday night with an instant message in Facebook from a friend. She told me of a young mom with four little ones that were in need of help for Christmas. This young mom had left an abusive relationship and moved with just the clothing on their back and trash bag full of more. She is trying to find work and her car broke down in need of repair. My first thought was how in the world can I help; I don’t have any money and it’s 3 days before Christmas Eve! But then I said I would ask to see if anyone knew of any help out there for Christmas for the kids. After I reached out in an instant message to a few of my friends; the responses were funds are exhausted. Two of my friends and I were in a conversation in this message wishing we had the money to just go shopping for these kids. Then at 8:53pm I said “God will provide, He always has for me”! Then Lori said “Donna you are  absolutely correct” and immediately Judy said “Yes I totally agree!” At 8:56pm my telephone rang and she said I have toys for you!  It was one of my friends that was included in the message. She was at her church and they had been abundantly blessed in their toy drive this year; therefore having lots of toys left. She told me I would be surprised and I most definitely was when I got to her house the next day and she opened the trunk of her car! It was full! But my dear friend had also put together a sweet gift for the mom. I was so excited that this family would be able to have Christmas gifts.

Now to contact the friend and let her know I have toys for the kids and see about getting them delivered. The plan was to meet her Saturday but when I woke up on Thursday this mama was on my mind. We needed to deliver to the family instead of to my friend. So I texted Judy to see when she was available on Friday to go with me. But during all of this I had to make sure if was ok for us to show up and deliver to mom. When I received the ok and the address; which was one and a half hour drive from me, I was asked to check on a few more details for not only the kids but for mom. So  I  got her number, called and left her a message of who I am, told her I was one voice of my ministry team and that we have toys for the kids donated by my friends church and I needed to speak with her. When she called me back, she was overly excited and cried almost the entire time while talking to me.

After getting the needed info such as clothing sizes, things that were needed, things wanted, particular interest and anything that the kids have asked for, etc. I took pictures of the list and immediately texted to another voice of the ministry team. The items then were put on a wish list and the wishes were fulfilled.

The next morning was delivery day and knowing my financial situation I prayed on the way to the gas station and told God that I was trusting Him to provide. Then I received a text saying we needed boxes or trash bags to use to hide the toys. So I go to the store to get lawn size bags and as soon as I walk in I saw a friend from long ago. So excited to see him, I gave him a hug and we talked for a little while. After finding out I was delivering to the family he wanted to help out and gave me $20 and said to use it for gas or wherever needed. God provided! I went and got gas and proceeded to Judy’s. When I arrived at the studio my heart was so full after I walked in and saw all the items that had been purchased for the entire family. This was on top of what the church had given! God is so good!

We loaded up my SUV and delivered everything to this beautiful family. After talking with the mom, I knew why God had chosen me to be the voice, the hands and feet for Him. She was at a point where I have been several times– Giving up, not wanting to live anymore, thinking God can’t possibly love me and has forgotten me! He gave me a word for her and I shared it with tears in both of our eyes and pain in my heart. I knew exactly how she was feeling! God has a huge plan for this sweet mom!

Saturday morning came around and I had plans to go see Christmas lights with my daughter and cousin later. During the day we had company, visited my parents, texting my friend back and forth that I had seen on Friday. However during the morning I started thinking about how everything played out with the Christmas gifts for this family and how God had orchestrated everything. From the message to me, to asking for help, stating that He will provide, to the phone call from Kem having toys, phone call to the mom, Judy and I both running behind on Friday, then on way to get gas got the text message needing bags, therefore going to the Dollar General before getting gas, saw my dear friend, was given money for gas, wish list filled plus much more, then a word for the mom from God! Priceless!!

It hit me that He loved me so much and trusted me that He gave me this assignment! I may not have been financially able to help this family but God chose to use me to be His voice, hands & feet. Giving of my love, myself, and my time I started to see that I was much more valuable than any monetary gift I could ever give.

But God wasn’t finished! When I visited my parents and my Daddy gave me an envelope which was dropped off for me earlier. Daddy didn’t know who it was as he only told him that he was my friend. When I opened it there was money and a sweet note, I knew right then who it had to be after reading the note. Anyway, after I returned home and awaiting for my cousin, I discover that her 5 year old granddaughter is on the way from South Carolina with no Christmas items for Christmas morning. Traffic held her dad up and stores were closing before he could get here. Immediately, I decide I’m going to use the money I received earlier to make sure Kemmie has Christmas. My friend in our texting, I told him what was going on and immediately he insisted on helping. I said I was going to use my secret santa money and he told me to stop by his moms when I was out. After handing me an envelope; inside was a card containing the same amount I had received before. God is good and rewards us for giving with the right heart!

This morning (Christmas Day) as I go out to let Samantha open her gifts I see my stocking and two extra large Christmas bags. Within both of those bags were very expensive handbags that were purchased by members (not knowing the other had purchased one already) of a special family wanting to make sure that I received a new and nice handbag. You see I have never had a new purse, always used ones and they knew this as one of them overheard me say this in a conversation one day. I was really stunned and felt really guilty as I didn’t have anything for them.

But while getting ready to meet my family for Christmas, God spoke to me. And I started to cry because God was telling me that the two expensive purses are meant to show me that I am more valuable than I have ever realized. And that I deserve much more in life than money can buy. Happiness doesn’t come from materialistic items but from the heart. But I am to never put myself on the clearance rack ever again. He has so much in store for my future.

The Christmas miracles that took place over the past few days were eye-opening and amazing. It was very humbling that God chose a nobody like me to be the voice, the hands and the feet to minister into the lives of these families. And in the process of all this I have regained a long time friend who is now living and serving God.

My poorest Christmas became my richest Christmas because I learned that Christmas is about Love from the Heart! The best gifts are those given from the heart and God gave to us from His heart!

It’s awesome to be the daughter of the King! I Love my Father and so thankful that He never gave up on me!

This has been the best Christmas ever!

God Loves You and So Do I!

See you next week!

 

Justification of Sin-A Spiritual Death

20160917_202052-1-1When I ended last week I promised to continue and tell you about the next chapter in my life. However, the Holy Spirit has prompted me to share a more recent story. One that I had hoped I would not have to share! With this being said I still must state again before you give your heart away; make sure he or she is deserving of it and will treasure it. The best way to know this is if he or she is leading you closer to God! Someone out there needs to hear this story before it’s too late.

As I write this just know that it is very hard to do as I am still in the healing process! But God heals the broken-hearted and I know His plan for me is  amazing!

As you now know from past post I have struggled all  my life with sexual sin. I wanted someone to love me so badly that I mistook attention as love. The reality was most of the time I was just being used. But what I want to share today is about the past 4 years and how even a seasoned Christian can be deceived by satan. We make excuses and justify our actions and believe it to be true but in reality its not…..it’s  a spiritual battle that ends in spiritual death and  sometimes even physical death. Praise God for He rescued me!

From 2005 until 2010 I was married and never thought about seeing anyone else. I was working on my relationship with Christ after giving my life to Him in 2008. Still dealing with a lot of things physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. But in 2010 my last ex-husband and I separated, then in 2013  I was divorced for the third time. And at this time I  had started seeing someone. But you see I wasn’t being the Christian that I so wanted to think and wanted the world to think I was.  I had fallen for worldly desires to fulfill the desires of the flesh.  Once again I was back to my old habits and living a life unpleasing to God! This relationship last only a few months.

We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony! So here goes!!!

When this relationship ended, I found an old friend that I had know since a teen and we started dating. He went to church with me but he had no relationship with Christ. We actually got engaged but my life wasn’t where it needed to be as I was not getting closer to God, I was actually drifting away. I no longer had peace or joy within. Then with that $9,000 diamond sitting on my finger; Pastor preached a message and stated everything that glitters ain’t gold! Whew, that hit me like a ton of bricks! I knew that  my life was not pleasing to God. Fornication is not right! We can not live anyway that we want, we are to live Holy unto God! So I gave him back his ring and broke off the relationship.

Well a year later I joined a dating site and once again I ran across an old friend. He and I had actually hooked up many years ago in the past. We hit if off but then once again; I let my guard down and I was back in the same old mess.  Why couldn’t I keep myself pure and Holy unto God!! Another one bites the dust!

Each time I began to see someone, I always say I will keep myself pure and will help lead them to God. However, in reality what happened is I gave in to fornication and wasn’t leading them anywhere near God. The only movement was me moving away from God and totally destroying my walk and my witness for Christ.

I became more involved in street ministry with my friends  and with the FCA as my walk with God became strong again. But I have discovered that satan doesn’t like us living the right way and wants nothing more than to destroy us, even to the point of physical death.

Wanting my life right with God is so important to me! And being a Christian since 2008 I have had my share of ups and downs and disappoints within myself. I am not perfect and I miss the mark more than I care too! But I know God is real and I know what He has healed and delivered me from. Now it’s time to give this to Him because I am not taking this into 2017 with me!

Before I tell this, I want you to know that it is not ok to live together out-of-wedlock! It’s a spiritual battle and the caving to the desires of the flesh cause spiritual death and can cause physical death.

Last year I was to marry the guy that I was dating during my last divorce. You see our first date was the night after the blue moon and we said we were going to get married on the next blue moon. Not hearing from him in almost 2 years, out of the blue he messaged me on Facebook. This was about the same time we had said we would marry. We started dating again and after a few months we drifted apart for about a month. Once we decided to see each other again we took a trip. It was fun being together but was the start of a Spiritual death for me.

We started talking about marriage and trying to decide on a date. But we wanted a special moon or something. As we discussed this we also talked about him moving in with me and we actually looked at other houses. However, we decided it would be best to stay here and get a loan to pay of my home and some others debts. The plan was to move in after marriage.

My love for him was deep but I was in a spiritual battle. I allowed him to start staying nights and gradually he moved in. He had no relationship with Christ but attended church with me on occasion and I could see God was dealing with him. Unfortunately, he desired no relationship with Christ and I certainly wasn’t living as a good example. I justified premarital sex and him living with me because we were gonna get married. But this was so wrong! I couldn’t lead him to God by allowing unGodly things in our lives!

The battle was on full force – Good versus evil! I had fallen so far away from God that I didn’t think I could ever get back to Him! Over a period of months I could feel that my hope, joy and peace were gone! We didn’t discuss marriage anymore and we argued over stupid stuff. I wasn’t a good example for my daughter or anyone else and I most definitely could not give a testimony or be a witness to my FCA group.

In the spring, God used a sister at church to let me know that He loved me and had not forgotten me! That morning at the altar I asked God to help me, to give me a sign of hope because I was not wanting to live anymore. He used her to save my life that day!

Satan had clouded my view and deceived me into thinking that things I had been doing were ok. I was justifying my actions by the word but it was a distorted version, as I could not see clearly. We can win souls to Christ with love but not with lust!

My climb back to God was tough as I faced many giants along the way. I didn’t know how to straighten out the mess I was in. I then asked God for the courage of David to have the strength do the right thing. But satan attacked me even harder to the point I physically wanted to die even more so than before! I cried and cried and cried as I prayed for God to deliver me from the pain I was in. My choices got me where I was and unfortunately I wanted to die if this was how I was going to have to live!

We broke up, he moved out and I have since rededicated my life to God and serving Him!

Jesus came to save us from sin and the penalty of sin! He paid the price but we can not live anyway we want!

1 Thessalonians 4:3-7 {For this is the will of God, your santification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in santification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness.}

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 {Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.}

1 Corinthians 7:1-2 {Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.}

If you have accepted God in your life and have a personal relationship with Him; never think its ok to be sexually active or live together out of wedlock. This is spiritual death waiting to happen! I loved this man very much and satan knew it; therefore it was used to try to take me out! But if I had never of given in to the desires of the flesh, then perhaps he would be living for God and we would still be together today!

Never justify the wrong things. If it’s not leading you to God then it’s not right! I learned the hard way again as I stopped going to praise dance, intercessory prayer, etc. So you see even seasoned Christians fall off the wagon but Praise God I am back on it! Pray for me as I continue my walk with God and being a voice for Him!

God Loves You & So Do I!

Merry Christmas To You!! Much Love!

See you next week as we pick up from last weeks post.

 

Hidden Dangers of Spitefulness {part 2}

61994_160165964009716_5897623_nThis has been an extremely tough week for me spiritually with satan fighting hard. But God has placed prayer warriors that are lifting me up as I continue this testimony. Thank you as you know who you are!

When I ended last Sunday’s post,  at the age of 22 I found myself pregnant from  the rape and feeling completely trapped. Playing over and over in my head were the words from my ex-husband (yes now divorced) and my ex-boyfriend, “No one will ever want you as you are worthless” and “I don’t love you, never have and never will”. All I could think about was I was damaged goods and they were absolutely right; no one will ever want me! I mean my best friends in elementary school didn’t even want me so why would anyone else!

By this time my depression, anxiety, fear and anger had only increased as I felt dirty and ashamed.  I felt so alone! Not having a job and not wanting to tell my parents that I was raped; I did whatever I could to appease him. But the violence only increased as his partying only increased with more and different drugs. I was tired of it, so when he was at work one day I left and I went back home to my parents once again.

He held true to his threat as he over-dosed on pills and almost died. His grandmother called and told me what had happened. He had written a suicide note stating I was the reason he was doing this because I had left. I felt guilty so I returned to him. That was really not smart of me! Once he had recovered he decided one night to get really high. And when he did, I then was being thrown around like a ball as I couldn’t  get away from him because he had me trapped in the bedroom! I ended up with bruises over my entire body; thankfully no broken bones.  He was extremely strong, but when he was high on the drugs he was stronger. Unfortunately it was during this attack that I was hurt so bad that I miscarried and lost the baby. My feelings were from one extreme to another. I was relieved that  I didn’t have to carry his baby because it was from a rape; but extremely sad and depressed because I had lost my baby. At this point I was wondering if I would ever be able to  have a child. After this I left for good, even leaving my things behind. I was afraid of him!

With everything that I had gone through from the time I was 15 until now at the age of 23 I was very emotional and extremely angry!  I truly wanted to be loved, have a husband and kids; I so desired a loving family. But I was going about it the wrong way! Unfortunately I wanted to have someone so bad that I never took time to heal in between relationships. Like most people, I thought I could heal faster and be just fine if I had someone new. Still thinking that if someone pays attention to me then it must be love; poor naïve me.

My drinking started again but this time I met someone who I could drink with. He had a drug problem also but I chose to ignore it because I thought I could change him with my love. My ignorant, hateful, self-centered and reckless behavior was about to send me on a journey that has changed my life. Not only giving me my baby girl but causing destruction to not only my life; but others whom I love.

Girls, don’t ever feel like you are not worthy of true love. As I told you last week; never place yourself on the clearance rack. You are priceless! But please don’t jump from one relationship into another. When your heart loves someone; it takes time to heal and if you can jump right into the arms of someone new; then it wasn’t true love the begin with. Before you give your heart away; make sure he is deserving of it and will treasure it. I discovered with my own reckless behavior that every time I slept with someone new; that I felt even more undeserving of that true love I so desperately wanted!

True Love Will Wait — Sure wish I had realized this sooner!

1 Corinthians 13:4-7–Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast; It is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

Hebrews 13:4 –Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

I can’t change my past but I can change my future and it’s looking extremely amazing! God creates beauty from our ashes!

Join me next week as I blog for God sharing my testimony. But as I have said, it’s going to get worse before it gets better. So hold on for this ride and keep me in your prayers.

God loves you all and So do I!

Much Peace & Joy I wish to you!

Honor and Provision

20161203_192040-1For almost 11 weeks now I have written once a week and posted in this blog. What you don’t know is that when God started speaking to me about this blog, I told Him he would have to definitely make a way!

You see the blog cost, I have no internet or cable service, nor do I have Wi-Fi. I am a single mom, my AC unit broke a few months ago with an expensive repair bill and I had two expensive electric bills of $300 each back to back, due to the AC issue. All of this wiping out my checking and savings accounts! There was no way possible that I could afford to do this blog! But God!!!!

I told God to let me know what I was to do, that I needed a sign. I just couldn’t see taking my last bit of money to put the details of my ugly life out for the world to see; especially when I needed the money to use elsewhere. But in church that Sunday morning, Pastor Jim preached a message about “Living a Blessed Life – Overcoming Mammon”. Oh this spoke right to me!

You see I learned that day that I am to give and sow into others for God. And I am to stretch and share around the world and start serving where I can and trust Him! I can’t fulfill my destiny or call when I am loyal to Mammon. I must be a good stewart of finances and if I honor God where I am, He will bring promotion.

After hearing this message I knew without a shadow of doubt what I was to do. I came home, used my phone internet to pay for the blog. I had no clue how to set it up or where to even begin. I was completely lost! I tried to figure it out with no luck. So the next day during my lunch break I called the help desk. They said I was good to go but I still couldn’t see my website. I tried for a couple of days and got discouraged. But God woke me at 3:00 am on the third day and said now try. I told Him, it will not work that I had tried several times, He said I told you to try it now! Guess what!! I got up, signed into the site and things flowed perfectly and I issued my first sample post! Oh my goodness, I was beyond excited! After the blog was set up by using my cell phone; out of nowhere I was now able to connect to Wi-Fi with my tablet and with my daughters laptop. And I still continue to be able to connect to God’s Wi-Fi when I write for Him! Praise God!

God provides, we just need to trust Him and be obedient. He not only provides but gives us the desires of our heart. You see I have always wanted to see New York City, especially at Christmas time. And guess what?!!! He provided a way and just last weekend I was walking the streets of the big city. He is good!

All this should not be possible but with God the impossible is possible! Trust me, satan is fighting but so am I !

My life isn’t perfect and no I don’t have all the finer things in life;  but I am full of joy, peace and love. That my friends is better than all of the gold in this world! The joy of the Lord is my strength…..In Him I Trust!

I know my future is going to be absolutely amazing as I remain obedient to God!  Send me Father, I will go! I can hardly wait to travel for God with my Boaz……#speakingintoexistence

Matthew 6:24 -No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve Gid and mammon.

Luke 16:9-13 – And I say to you, make friends for yourselves by unrighteous mammon, that when you fail, they may receive you into an everlasting home. He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. Therefore if you have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches? And if you have not been faithful in what is another man’s , who will give you what is your own? “No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.”

1 Timothy 6:10 – For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with money sorrows.

Colossians 3:23 – And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men

1 Corinthians 4:1-2 – Let a man so consider us, as servants of Christ and stewarts of the mysteries of God. Moreover it is required in stewards that one be found faithful.

Matthew 5:8 – Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Titus 2:7 – in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility

God Loves You and I Love You!

Much love to you all… peace & joy be with you

Hidden Dangers of Spitefulness- My I’ll Teach Him Backfired Into Pain and Brokenness (part 1)

311523_509306159095693_460516527_n-1Pastor Jim recently preached a sermon about the battle, the prodigal son. This hit home and got me to thinking; he said that honesty is the road back home. It takes a strong man or woman to take responsibility and stop blaming others.

Integrity of Heart:

Genesis 20:1-6

Luke 15:11-21

1. We must be honest with ourself.

2. We must be honest with others.

3. We must be honest with God.

Until we can do all three of these; we will stay right where we are!

James 5: 16-17

Well, all my life it was always someone else’s fault; or so I said. But the truth is I never had anyone to blame but myself. I say this because I had choices, I just chose to make the wrong ones. My rotten attitude about myself and always feeling less than, was where it all stemmed from. The truth is I was valuable and worth much more than I could see. I had placed myself on the clearance rack instead! Unfortunately; it has taken me until the age of 50 to finally realize all of this. God is definitely allowing healing to flow as He uses my testimony for His Glory.

When I ended last week I had been heart-broken and I was gonna show him (my Richlands guy). Well the truth is; he could have cared less. But what happened in the mist of my spitefulness was more devastation in my life.

Knowing that he would be in the club that next weekend; I planned to go and make him jealous. Well I went, I got drunk and I met a guy who was having a birthday party. He was all so ever cute but needed a ride home. I let him drive my car because of my drunken state, with no regard to his drunkenness then to find out he had lost his license due to driving while impaired! Yikes… red flags!! But did I run oh no, that would have been the correct choice!

Always thinking that I needed a man in my life; I kept seeing him because he seemed really interested in me. Well the destruction is about to break loose.  I moved in with him then I quit my really good job in Kinston to find work closer because I was now living in Hubert. What I couldn’t see yet was his addiction to alcohol and drugs. After I quit my job and moved in, his true colors started coming out. I was once again in an abusive relationship where I was terrified to leave. No job and nowhere to go!

Before his abusive behavior surfaced, we loved to go dancing at Chevy’s nightclub in Atlantic Beach. Many nights we went and had a blast but things changed one night when he was too drunk to wake him in the car. Not knowing what else to do, I wrapped him with a quilt and left him, then I went inside to bed. Let me tell you, there was hell to pay for that! When he awoke and came inside; I found myself waking up after being picked up and thrown into the wall. I wish I could tell you that after that I left and stayed gone, but I can’t. I did leave the next day and went to my parents to stay. But he found me and drove up after stealing his sisters car, to beg me to come back and promising to change. Thinking he must really love me I went back. Bad choice on my part!

Things went good for a little while, but was short-lived. He started drinking more and smoking marijuana. He was high more than not and had become violent and had threatened that he would kill me or himself if I ever left again. I became his punching bag and was extremely afraid. He started going out with his friends to a local bar. Drunk one night and no way home, he called me and I refused to go get him. Oh bad mistake!! I was awakened again but I didn’t meet the wall this time. He had ripped my night clothing off and forced himself into me. I tried to get him off of me and tried to get up, but I could not move. I could not believe what had happened!!!

This rape left me pregnant as I found out after going to the doctor to be put on birth control. Whew, that was a lot to take in. Now I really felt trapped and felt like I couldn’t leave. The pregnancy didn’t stop him with his abusiveness as he continued to use me as a punching bag and a wall ornament on occasion. Now my self-esteem is really shot by now!

The picture with this post was taken at the age of 22 during this relationship. I was extremely depressed and definitely had myself on the clearance rack. Girls, know your worth and never allow anyone to deflate your value! As a daughter of the One True King; You are priceless and you are loved!

Join me next week as this story continues..

My prayer is that through my obedience to share my life story with you; that you will never have to endure the pain and hardships that I have. This is all very difficult to share but God makes beauty from ashes.

Remember God Loves You and So Do I !