Ignorance Is Bliss- Blessings and Cursings (Part 1)

20161229_091917I trust that you have had an amazing Christmas and New Year’s Eve! May God Bless you all with super-natural increase in every area of your life as you start 2017. The year 2017 is going to be amazing with God as my pilot!

Know God, Know Peace! No God, No Peace!

Revelation 12:11{And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.}

As I continue to blog for God, just know that this is not easy for me! I am no writer and it’s difficult telling the world about my past. But this whole blog is to show what God can do in the lives of people and to bring Him Glory!  I am not perfect; but praise God I am not who I use to be!

Three weeks ago in “Hidden Dangers of Spitefulness (part 2)” I ended with telling you I had met someone new (Timmy) after leaving the guy who had raped me and had over-dosed (Tim). However, the new guy (Timmy) became my drinking buddy. Remember, ignorant  me wants so badly to think that any attention is love that I chose to ignore his drug problem. Out of the frying pan and into the fire, leaving one Tim for another with the same problem!  What was I thinking!! The same first name too!

As I thought that my love for Timmy would change him and he would stop using; I jumped in headfirst into a relationship and marriage that gave me the greatest blessing here on earth; but not without much cost! My anger, bitterness and hatred only increased as time went on.

Leaving Hubert was the best idea that I had in a long time; but hanging out in Beulaville may not have been the smartest. My past, my memories, and my reputation was all there and I ran right smack back into the lies of the enemy. Just hanging out with friends sitting in front of the old laundromat as the youth cruised up and down main street; we saw this really handsome guy driving an old pickup truck. My friends and I all thought he was something else. I hung out a little later hoping he would stop to talk to me. Guess what? He did!

After talking for a while we made plans to meet later that week to plan our first date. Wednesday came and we met and was trying to choose a movie to go see. However when I  was indecisive he became angry and threw the newspaper containing the movie info out the car window. This was a red flag for me and  I wasn’t going to go out with him. However, my mom told me I was going because I had told him that I would go. She didn’t know about the newspaper ordeal and wanted me to keep my word.

The night came for our date, he arrived and met my parents and off we went. I don’t remember much about that night but I do remember we continued to see each other. My drinking increased again and we were drinking together. We both loved the beach and many  days we just sat and drank. I don’t how we got home most of the time; only God is all I can say!

He was living with his dad when I met him and this is where I realized he was using drugs, heavier drugs than the last guy. Walking outside to check on him one day; I walked upon a sight I never had expected to see! I was truly shocked and I do not know why I stayed in this relationship. Perhaps my loneliness and thinking that I was unworthy of more in my life is what kept me bound. I so wanted someone to love me and to get out of my parents home. I chose to ignore the drug use, heavy drinking and the disrespectful behavior because when he was sober you couldn’t ask for a better man. Another red flag that I chose to ignore was he had two kids that he hadn’t seen in years and didn’t even know where they were. But still I thought my love could change him.

We found a place together and things didn’t go so well. I was insulted and ridiculed for not wanting to take part in more of his activities. I drank but I didn’t want to do more; there was always something keeping me from pursuing drugs. I know now that it was God!

After living together for two years; we decided to get married. His drug use had decreased and I thought things would be great as I thought perhaps he was on the road to a clean life. My ignorance — as we only can see what we want to see! They say love is blind and I guess in this case it was. I truly loved him with all my heart.

Being married in April; I got pregnant in October and was so excited! But when I awoke one morning in November I was having a miscarriage once again. My heart was breaking as I wanted a baby so badly! I have since learned be careful with what I say because we speak things into existence!  (Proverbs 18:21) This devastated me and I cried out and said “God, all I want is one blonde, curly haired little girl can I please have that”!? After having the abortion at 17 years old and now this second miscarriage I was thinking that I would never be able to have a child.

In December I once again was pregnant but in January, again I awoke to a miscarriage! But thank God this time I already had an OBGYN in whom I called. He told me to go straight to the hospital. They did an ultra sound and the doctor said there is your baby; everything looks good. When I asked what had happened she said it had been twins and I lost one.  My words cost me; for out of our mouth we speak life or death.

Death of another baby but thank God I was still carrying one! However, extreme difficulties within life, marriage and my pregnancy are just ahead! Join me next week when this story continues with much more destruction before life!

Our joy and happiness isn’t found in another person. Our joy is from the Lord and our happiness comes from within ourself. You see I went through so much devastation in life simply waiting on someone else to become who I wanted them to be. But the reality is I am the one that needed to change in order to truly have the peace, joy and love I so desired! Running from God and pursuing everything but Him; cost me tremendously. I have had many Blessings in life but I know that I stopped many due to my disobedience to God. Girls, pursue God and He will give us the desires of our heart!

Happy New Year & know that God Loves You and So Do I!

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