Heading For Disaster Or Preparing For The Calling


When I started writing the post this week, I was riding on our Emerge Ministries bus to Washington, DC to show the love of God to the homeless. I prayed that God would give me the words to share because I normally am in a quiet room writing as the Holy Spirit downloads to me. Of course on a bus with a ministry team it’s anything but quiet. But I would not have it any other way as I have loved every moment of this weekend with my family and looking forward to many years of traveling together. God always provides a way when it is of Him! All we need to be is willing and obedient.

As we were riding God reminded me of being stuck in traffic earlier this week and I started writing. God works in amazing ways as we toured the homeless shelter, our tour guide told us all about the facility and the program. But then he said that God just has to slow us down sometimes to get us where we need to be! That hit home! I knew right then that God is on the move with this post, the weekend and in my  life.

Life sometimes is a journey on its own. The twist and turns can sometimes be for our own good. Driving to work two days this week I got behind slow cars. At first I was upset because I was running a little behind; but then I realized perhaps I avoided a ticket or an accident. God let me know that just like when we get behind a slow car, He will sometimes slow us down in life. He does this to teach us a lesson and perhaps to protect us or those we love.

Sometimes we are in too big of a hurry and headed for disaster. We aren’t quite ready for what is in front of us or perhaps what He called us to do. He slows us down so we can be prepared to reach the destination He has for us. He will even put others in the path to ruffle our feathers, so to speak, to work on our hearts and change us for the better. He gave me a thought. How is it that we have so much patience and love towards others but not with our own family! Hummm…..something hit home with that thought because I know how I have been towards my own family; especially my daughter.

When we get in a hurry or be impatient we don’t think clearly and make quick decisions that not only affect the rest of our life but others around us. This includes our words, actions, reactions and attitudes. Things we say can hurt others tremendously to the point they feel unworthy, unloved and unwanted. Not only have I been on the receiving end but I’ve been guilty of giving it alot! God told me that I must be patient with and show love to those of my own house. Sometimes we fail to remember this because its easier to hide our ugly behind closed doors. But we must remember God sees everything!

Our hearts must reflect our love in our own home just as much as outside of it. This is one of the lessons that God wants us to remember when we are stuck in that traffic or dealing with a person whom we tend to be impatient with. Remember He is preparing our heart with every test and as He slows us down its either for our protection, a lesson or both. We must remember the next time we get irritated or start to loose our cool, just perhaps its a growing experience for us so we can reach our destiny and fulfill the calling on our life.

Be still and know that I am God is what He has told me many times. He says listen and I will guide you. We have to get in our quiet place and be still in order to hear Him. It’s hard to hear that faint whisper when we are too busy, in a hurry, impatient, too loud, not on the Word and not focused. Instead of being so set on what we want perhaps we should ask God what He wants. After all He created us for a specific purpose and who better to know what we should do. Others are watching!

Ephesians 4:1-6

If only I had of been still and listened to God many years ago my life perhaps would have been much differently. The heartache and pain have been deeper than I remembered as the Holy Spirit guides me on this blog. Although I ran for many years instead of following God, He never gave up on me! Praise His Holy Name!

We all have cracks in our lives! However; God repairs the cracks in broken hearts and broken lives! We need to trust, believe and listen as the Holy Spirit guides us. Are you heading for disaster or preparing for your calling?

God loves you and so do I !

Join me next week when I return to my life testimony!

Have a Blessed Week!


Trust and Fear Not – God’s Got This!

This week God has me going in a different direction for this blog post. I will return to my life story where Samantha was a baby really soon; perhaps next weekend.  But for now God has a lesson for us, just as He has taught me this week. We have to be obedient and willing to do as He asked, in order to fulfill the calling and destiny He has for us.

Life sometimes has a way of teaching us lessons; perhaps a lot from our own mistakes and sometimes the mistakes of others. Regardless sometimes God uses rabbit trails to get out attention and to get our eyes off our circumstances and to trust Him. These life lessons are difficult and down right scary sometimes; until we trust Him completely!

God has told me several times this week to “Fear Not”! I know I am not to fear; because God has always taken care of me. Even when I didn’t realize it was Him that was doing so. But sometimes satan tries to sidetrack us and I needed that reminder to put me back on track. This week there have been many issues in my personal life and family that have concerned me. But God has reminded me several times that He has this, do not fear!

While reading  Proverbs Chapter 12 this week God let me know that I will have peace and joy because of my obedience in sharing His Word with the world in this blog. In verse 24 “The hand of the diligent will rule, But the lazy man will be put to forced labor.”  A friend of mine shared on Facebook this week a prophecy that there are some that will be removed from the 40 hour work week and will be in ministry full time to glorify God.  This really excited me as I felt God was speaking to me! Although these were not his exact words but you get the gist of it. Now listen carefully, as you continue to read!

God sent me a family when I desperately needed one and needed to feel like I belonged and had a purpose. My life has been such a train wreck; and never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought God could and would want to use me! Before I started writing this blog; I argued with God because I didn’t want to share my life with the world. I knew how my life had been and how terrible I had been, to the point I was afraid to write my story for fear of losing my job. But God said, “Do you love your job more than me?” Whoaaaaa……that got my attention!!!   I said, “No”! “I love you more” and I started writing this blog for God. I knew at that moment; that regardless of what comes up or what happens, He will provide, period! If something is taken; He will replace with greater!

I have to admit I have never liked change and do not like to be seen. I was a very shy child and have been a somewhat timid (sober) adult, but when I was drunk it was a different story. But that story is for another day. Anyway I have always liked things to stay the same and have never liked stepping out of my comfort zone.  As a lot of people do; we just like familiarity.  Well that all went right out the window, so to speak, when I decided to completely dedicate my life to God. He likes to shake things up a little, but in a good way.

Shortly after I started preparing the website for the blog I was invited to join a team of amazingly beautiful people that are on fire for God and want to show His love to the world. God sent to me my Emerge Ministry Family and I was welcomed with open arms. Immediately I knew I was home! I love the heart and compassion that each and every one of these awesome family members have. God knew just what I needed and blessed me with numerous brothers and sisters. We aren’t just a team, we are Family and I thank God for each of them! They have my back and cover me in prayer and if I need them, they will be right here for me.

Since I have started writing this blog, doing street ministry with my Emerge Family, praying with strangers, loving on the unlovable and praying at the flagpole every morning at work; I am doing things I never thought I could do! God will send you on rabbit trails to get you off the comfortable path you are on to sometimes get you on the right path for your life. What we settle for isn’t what is best! God has so much more in store for us; if we will just listen and obey.

*****Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, ” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

*****Deuteronomy 28:9 (NIV) The Lord will establish you as his holy people, as he promised you on oath, if you keep the commands of the Lord your God and walk in obedience to him.

Now, that I have been on a rabbit trail in this story; let me get back on track.  Remember my friends prophecy from earlier in the story? You see. since devoting my life completely to God and writing this blog; I have had the desire to travel and minister for God full-time. I love photography and I love to travel; especially flying thanks to an old boyfriend that is a pilot. Anyway, I have often thought about traveling and doing photography and never thought it could happen. But, you know what?  I believe my friends prophesy on Facebook was for my Emerge Family and myself. I already am traveling, talking my pictures and blogging for God but I am trusting God for greater. And I am believing that I will receive double for my trouble, so to speak. What I allowed satan to steal from me will be restored even greater. Although I had to go on some of those rabbit trails in life to get back to where I am suppose to be; God can and will use me. He already is! Remember God makes beauty from our ashes.

*****Isaiah 61:7-9 (NIV) Instead of your shame you will receive double portion, and instead of disgrace you will receive in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours. “For I, the Lord, love justice; I hate robbery and wrongdoing. In my faithfulness I will reward my people and make an everlasting covenant with them. Their descendants will be known among the nations and their offspring among the peoples. All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”

My life may have been a train wreck but God is a merciful and gracious God that never gave up on me! He had a plan and a purpose for my life from the beginning. It just took numerous rabbit trails to get me on the right path.  All those years of feeling inadequate, rejected and unloved by the world; He just wanted me to turn to Him. Instead I ran. What was I thinking! I sure wasn’t thinking about living for God; I thought that would be boring and I would miss out. But you know what; living for God is anything but boring I missed out by delaying my life with God. All my years of running and living in the world, I never had the fulfillment, satisfaction, joy, peace and love that I do now!

My wrong choices in life put me on some wrong paths; but God used all those rabbit trails to bring me back to where He needs me. All my experiences, the pain and heartaches that I had are being used in this ministry as I blog for God. It is not only helping others but bringing healing to wounds I didn’t even realize I had.

****** Deuteronomy 30: 3-13

Regardless of what you are going through; whatever the storm, trust and fear not….. God’s got this! Never be afraid to get uncomfortable for God, thats when life becomes really awesome! Don’t be so stuborn and set in your ways that you are not willing to get out of the way in order for God to move on your behalf and those around you. He wants to place you into the destiny that He designed you for!

I am one voice! And my voice carries weight for the Kingdom of God! Praise God, He chose me! Hallelujah!

God Loves You ….. and So Do I !

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God’s GPS and Road Signs of Life

You now know I am on assignment by God to share my life testimony. It’s not been easy and at first I was reluctant because of what people may say. But God let me know I am not here to please people, but to please Him! And I am to love others right where they are, but love them enough to share the truth and to not leave them there!

Sometimes, when you realize someone else knows your pain and has experienced it, you watch their life and say hey if it got better for them it can for me. And sometimes the compassion that a person has for you can make the greatest difference in your life. Simply seeing God move in someone elses life is a huge eye-opener. The love and compassion that God has blessed me with hasn’t always been a part of my life. But today I am a new creation in and through Christ. I refuse to turn back as He made Beauty from my ashes! I have so much to be thankful for and I most definitely am! This is why I write to you with such compassion and love in my heart as I pour out my heart to you.  I want to see you walk in peace, joy and love. But most importantly to walk in obedience to God is my desire. If my experiences can help just one person; it is so worth everything I have gone through to be able to help you.  So I write as He instructs and gives me the words.

I am sitting on the beach writing this post because God spoke to me today at church and He knows my love of the beach. I simply think its one of God’s most beautiful creations. Therefore He knew I would hear clearly from Him in this special place to share with you the beauty of His Love for us. He wants us to experience that love that we so desire! Only God can do that!

Matthew 6:33- “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

If we seek God first then He will give us the love of our life here on earth! He’s a jealous God and will not take any other place in our life. If we choose to put Him on the back burner then we will reap the consequences.

God clearly gives us a roadmap to follow; its like a GPS. It will lead us in the right direction if we pay attention and don’t stray off on to a different path. But even when we do; just as a GPS re-routes us, God too will try to re-route us. However; it’s up to us to listen and obey. He gives us freedom to do what we want. And I know He has sat up there in Heaven shaking His head many a day and saying my child Donna when will you learn!.

You see pride and stubbornness blocks blessings in our lives. But when we lay it all down and humble ourselves before God, then He can move in our lives. We don’t have the answers unless we go to God first. He created us, knows everything about us and wants the very best for us! Sometimes we think God is too strict and that we should be able to live as we please. Well we can! But don’t expect to walk through those pearly gates living a life against God”s Word! Part of those consequences that I spoke of!

These restrictions (safeties) are like traffic signs to keep us safe! If you don’t obey a stop sign you could be in a world of trouble, with oncoming traffic, a ditch, etc… A wreck waiting to happen! Talking  about wrecking our lives; when we step outside of God’s Will, our lives are disastrous. This means not receiving God’s  best that we could have because we settled. Yes God can take bad and make good but don’t you want the best He has to offer? Why settle for bologna when you can have Filet Mignon!

Roadblocks and detours are in our life because we will not allow God to sustain us on the straight path. He is trying to catch our attention to protect us.  We are so stubborn and full of pride and arrogance that we can’t put things down in order to seek God first. We want the things first in our life and when we pursue those instead of God; we become out of alignment. Sadly, when we pursue our fleshly desires, it’s not what is best for us.

Romans 1: 24 (NIV) Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.

I am not here to judge or condemn but to speak truth and share from my personal experience. I love you regardless, please keep this in mind as you continue reading. Some think that living together and having sex outside of marriage are ok. But, it’s not! I have been guilty of this in my past;  see where it has gotten me! God gives us restrictions (safeties) to protect us and give us freedoms. Outside of marriage those freedoms can hurt us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and this has happened to me. God designed marriage to be between man and woman with the design of becoming one flesh. I hate to break it to you, but it doesn’t say boyfriend and girlfriend to become one flesh! If you are living together. I still love you and will not judge for that is not my duty.

Mark 10:6 – 8  (NIV) But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.

When we stray off course, God gives us signs to help us get back on the correct road, sometimes using people. If we continue off the beaten path away from God we will definitely bring destruction upon ourselves. Just like the GPS and road signs; God gives us the signs to let us know it’s the wrong way, he’s trying to speak to us in our relationships. But just as we refuse to obey a stop sign at the end of a road and run into the ditch; we too can place ourself in a ditch that is hard to get out of. Spiritual derailment is death!

I understand about wanting someone in your life,  Believe me!  But I also understand that I want God’s best for me and I pray that you do too. The thing to remember is that satan too knows what we want and will send detours into our life to distract us and try to get us off the straight path. When we are anxious and settle, most times we end up in a relationship that we shouldn’t have been in to begin with.  For this reason, we have to seek God first to protect ourselves. Pastor Jim preached a message today about proper timing and alignment. When we are out of alignment with God there is a sway or a pull into another direction. We get out of alignment because we want the things first and we are persuaded by the environment that we keep. When we find ourselves sidetracked, distracted, swerving or leaning in the wrong direction; then it is up to us to remove ourselves from evil.

Proverbs 4:27 (NIV) Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.

If God ordains a relationship there will be peace, joy, love, and no doubts (you will not have to wonder or ask where the relationship is heading). Godly men and women date with a purpose; to seek marriage, not to just hang out!  A Godly man or woman will  pray with you and for you and not just at meals. The right relationship will lead you closer to God and not pull you away. Pride and arrogance have no place in any relationship.

Ladies, if he’s not treating you with the utmost respect; and gets offended or upset because you say no, then he’s not the one. Or if he gets upset and distances himself after you let him know that you will not live as the world does and you refuse to spend nights with him; then know that he is not the one. But that he is the one that has been sent to destroy you and pull you back into Egypt. Our flesh is weak; but with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26) and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).  Remember satan disguises himself to be everything you’ve ever wanted to get you hooked. Be wise to his schemes. Just because he says he is a Christian don’t mean he is. Not everyone who attends church has a personal relationship with God! We will know them by their fruits.

Matthew 7:15-18 (NKJV) Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit.

I saw a Facebook post this last week that reminded me of how I use to be. Don’t wait on a text, a message or a telephone call. We are much more valuable than that! We are not on clearance and must remember we are to die for and Jesus did that for us! Ladies, if a guy is interested he will definitely let you know. If he goes all day and doesn’t text you back or doesn’t answer your call or at least return it; then know perhaps you aren’t a priority. When things are out of alignment, there is friction and where there is friction, there is no peace and joy.

God sent someone to me September 8, 2016 to prophesy over me about my future husband. All I will share at this time is that He has handpicked him for me. I was instructed by God to stop looking, that he will appear out of nowhere and I will know without a shadow of doubt that he’s the one! I am standing on His Word because His Word does not return void!

“Our faith is not really tested until God asks us to bear what seems unbearable, do what seems unreasonable, and expect what seems impossible.”  Quote by Warren Wiersbe

Within just a few weeks of this word from God; I received the third confirmation about writing this blog for God. This is not something that I wanted to do. But when God speaks we must be obedient as our destiny and the destiny of others depends on our obedience.

Never forget your Worth! Pay attention to God’s GPS and road signs and protect your destiny! Don’t you want the best that God has for you? Don’t settle, seek God first!

Proverbs 16:20 – He who heeds a word wisely will find good. And whoever trusts in the Lord. Happy is he.

God Loves You & So Do I..

Join me next week as my life testimony continues.

I’m a Depressed Mommy……Now What!!

Just as most of my  life seems to have been; this week has been a very emotional one. Life sometimes throws you curve-balls that you are totally not expecting. On the way to work Tuesday morning God gave me a message. He told me that we have spam in our lives just like we do in our inbox and it is meant to occupy our time and destroy us! Just like we try so hard to protect our computer from viruses that are attached to spam email; we must also protect ourselves from the spam and viruses that satan sends our way. His spam is anything to catch our attention; to entice us and to worm his way into our life to get us off course with our walk with God. Pastor Jim once stated in a sermon that everything that glitters ain’t gold! We must be careful what we allow to occupy our time. If temptation is knocking; let Jesus get the door! As I stated last week the church sign read “Happy New Year! God’s Best is Right Before You!” Don’t settle for less than God’s best; keep focused and clean out the spam!

1 Peter 5:8 – Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Now to continue the story, my beautiful baby girl was born and is now getting ready to come home to a mama who has been severely depressed and on medication.

It was August 12, 1993 the day we got to bring our beautiful miracle baby home. Oh how extremely excited we were! Of course we had her nursery decorated so beautifully and her room next to ours. Our lives were perfect; so I thought. But the truth was I had no idea what to do with that sweet precious girl. We had visitors occasionally; but when it came down to everything it was all on me.  Her daddy was at work most of the time; therefore day and night I took care of her.

It was difficult for me as postpartum depression kicked in high gear and Samantha was very sick. Trying to be wife, mom, cook, maid, etc… took its toll on me! She cried most of the time and I did too. I felt like I was loosing my mind.

She had severe reflux but before we found out what was going on she was constantly throwing up.  I remember one night I had her in her crib and when I went to check on her she had stopped breathing for a bit. Talking about being terrified I was! Especially after loosing her twin and almost loosing her during birth! From that night on every time she was asleep I would constantly check on her to make sure she was breathing and hadn’t thrown up. Even during the night when I woke I had to check on her and believe me I didn’t get much sleep. Oh I loved being home with her but I so needed some sleep and help.

Once the doctors determined she had severe reflux she was put on medication. It had to be given to her one hour before eating/drinking her bottle. Then she had to sit upright to be fed; then continue sitting upright for an hour after she ate. This was very time consuming and no way that a daycare center could handle it. Therefore, the decision was made that I would resign from my job to stay home and care for her. I was excited as this is every mother’s dream to stay home with their baby. However, I didn’t like the circumstances in which I was having to do this. But God had given me a precious gift and I wanted to make sure she was going to be ok.

Mama’s always think they can do better than anyone else, so I didn’t get much relief.  I was afraid to let her stay anywhere; including with my parents. The one time they did watch her, my mama was scared because Samantha was throwing up so bad and constantly crying.

This constant crying, my depression and not getting enough sleep was getting the best of me. I became very moody and angry and now on top everything else we have to move. Samantha is three months old , no money saved up and we have to find somewhere to stay as the house we are in was being sold. Talking about short notice! So in a search for a place to live; we ended up with an older single-wide mobile home and set it up in Pin Hook, NC. So with a five month old baby we are moving from a comfortable brick home in Pink Hill to the single-wide in Pin Hook.

Everything was different and it was so cold during the move. But we were now close to Timmy’s family which worked out great because our nieces and Grandpa LK came to visit a lot. I had company and help with Samantha on occasion, life was getting better for me. Grandpa and the girls have not a clue as to how much they helped me. The attention and time they gave to Samantha was immeasurable; they absolutely adored her! However, being in Pin Hook was too much temptation for Timmy. He was back around his old stomping grounds and friends; headed down a very rocky road. So just when I thought things were going to get better; they got worse!

Girls, I want you to know that disobedience brings on very much heartache. Pain that we can totally avoid if we will only listen and obey the voice of God! This week I have been reminded several times of Psalm 46:10 “Be Still and Know that I am God”. Don’t be in a rush to have someone in your life that you miss out on the man God has handpicked for you! There is nothing in this world that can compare to the gift of God and the gifts he has for us. Someone posted this week on facebook and the post hit me spiritually and got me thinking. Why would be settle for bologna when we can have steak? Good question! Wait on God’s best; don’t settle we are too valuable! I know the promises of my future and my future husband that God has made to me. And I know that they are getting ready to come into fruition! Praise His Holy Name!!!

There is light at the end of the tunnel; but without light inside that tunnel it is very dark. The days to come in this story are going to get extremely dark. My prayer is that God uses everything I share to help someone. Pray for me because it is going to get extremely difficult for me to share. God can take a tragedy and create something beautiful as He makes beauty from ashes!

Join me next week as the road gets rockier!

God Loves You & So Do I….   Be Blessed!

Ignorance Is Bliss – Blessings and Cursings (Part 2)


Driving to work this week I saw a church sign that read “Happy New Year! God’s Best is Right Before You!” This got me to thinking about my past and my future. He has given me so many visions that I am busting at the seams; so to speak, with joy and anticipation as his plan unfolds in my life. I may have had a life full of difficulties but my past doesn’t define who I am. God chose me and I am so ever thankful for His mercy and grace and the opportunity to serve Him!

So many times we can’t seem to let the past go. For some reason we hang on to the familiar. Perhaps we are afraid to step out of what we are most comfortable with, regardless of how terrible the circumstances. To get something we’ve never had, we have to do something that we have never done. As long as we continue to accept the wrong in our life; things will never change! Change takes courage to do the right thing and to take that first step!

I have never been a leader in my life, I was too afraid. As a very timid little girl who accepted everything as it was thrown at her; I never imagined God could use me! Who am I kidding, I never thought God would ever give me another chance after all the years of disobedience and running!

When I ended the story last week I told you about the miscarriage of one of my twins. And I stated that we speak life and death with every word that proceeds out of our mouth. Thank God I was still carrying one of my babies! At this time I was approximately six weeks along in my pregnancy. I was relieved that I was still pregnant but sad that I had lost one. This day started the beginning of a difficult pregnancy and life as I had hoped.

As time went on it seemed I stayed sick to the point we were unable to cook food in the house; I couldn’t stand the smell of it. And every sickness and virus that passed by I caught it and it seemed that I lived at the doctors office and drugstore. With a due date of September 4th and one complication after another; I was forced to take early leave from work and put on bed rest three months before the due date. My baby was trying to come too early.

Bed rest would have been great except with Timmy going to work and me having no company I felt so isolated from the world. I became extremely depressed and was put on medication for the depression. His drug use and still wanting to party became a huge ordeal as he would leave to go out to the nightclub or with his friends for a drug night. Many days I was alone and many nights too. I remember crying and begging him to stay home at night with me.

One particular night I felt like I was at the end of my rope. He came in from work got ready to go to Good Time Charlies (a local bar). Desperate for him to stay home I was holding on to him around his legs as he was trying to get out the door. Crying and begging him to please stay home because I was tired of being home alone, he commented that it was my fault that I couldn’t get out. I told him it wasn’t that I couldn’t help being sick. I have never been able to forgot the words he said to me. He said, “You are the one that wanted a damn baby, not me”! Oh how that hurt me deeply! Now I realize it was just the drugs and alcohol talking but back then I was devastated. He was an awesome man when he was sober.

Loving this man with all my heart; regardless  of the circumstances I was determined we were going to have a sweet little family and live happily ever after. I had many days of sickness, loneliness and depression but I carried on. But on the morning of August 4th, 1993 I awoke to bleeding. Oh I was terrified because it looked just like it did when I had miscarried before!  My thoughts were I am loosing my baby!

I had prayed after hearing about one of my friends loosing her baby at birth due to the umbilical cord getting caught around its neck and cutting off the oxygen. I wasn’t living for God but I prayed that this would not happen to my baby. And that if any complications arise and the cord get wrapped that my baby would be born and live. After seeing the blood and the clot, I ran to the door to stop Timmy from going to work; then called my doctor. I was asked to go into the office for them to check me. However, once there and on the table, my water broke! I was sent to the hospital .

A miracle is about to take place as God saved my babies life and she is 23 years old today! After I was at the hospital they immediately put me into a birthing room and my baby decided she was ready to enter this world before the doctor got ready. He rushed to get ready and during the delivery, difficulties arose. There wasn’t enough room for her to be birth; therefore causing havoc on my body. Then the doctor realized the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. He so wished he had of done a C-section after it was all over as she came out purple and not breathing; however they didn’t tell me. All I knew was I wasn’t able to hold her and they whisked her away quickly and immediately started working on her. After that the next thing I remember is waking up to an empty room and wondering what was going on.

Shortly after waking, Timmy walked into the room and when I asked about my baby he told me we have a girl and he gave me the details of what was going on. As the nurse came to take me to my room she pushed me by the nursery. My first actual view of my baby was of her in the NICU with a team of doctors and nurses surrounding her. From the window only could I glance her; I felt so cheated as I had learned in Lamaze classes that a mom gets to hold the newborn right after birth. Regardless of how I felt; I was so thankful she was alive. After being put in my room, they came around to tell me she had to be sent to Pitt Memorial Hospital as her lungs were not developed and she was also jaundiced. After several hours they brought her by my room so I could see her; but I couldn’t touch her as she was inside of an incubator. I so wanted to hold her; she was beautiful!

Learning of her difficulties to live; I determined she was a fighter therefore instead of Courtney Love her name became Samantha Jo. But since delivery was not by textbook; her card on her incubator read “Baby Girl H.”. I told her dad, go to Greenville and be with our girl. Make sure no one takes our baby and watch out for her. He did and he fell totally in love with that little girl.

She was the largest of the preemies in the nursery. My doctor knowing exactly where I was going upon discharge; kept me in the hospital extra days. So Samantha was in Greenville from Wednesday night until Saturday afternoon before I ever got to hold her! She had not been doing well and it didn’t look good for her.  But as soon as I held her the first time and talked to her; she immediately started improving! One look and she stole my heart and I finally realized what love was.

On Monday, they transferred her back to Lenoir Memorial. This was great as it was closer to home. I drove myself to the hospital for three days to sit in the nursery just hold her and feed her. I couldn’t wait to get her home!  Little did I realize just how sick she was and that I soon would be quitting my job entirely to care for her. Remember, I was severely depressed and on medication before her birth and now I am going to be home 24/7.

Life without God is no life! You see as I have said in earlier post; our choices determine our future. I may have lost several babies; but God honored my prayer and allowed Samantha to be born at the first sign of trouble and gave her life. He gave to me as I had asked, one blonde curly haired little girl and allowed her to live. Yes her hair was dark and straight at birth; but soon turned blonde and curly. God is in the miracle making business and my beautiful daughter is one of them. He had a plan from the start to use this baby to change my life but not before many years of darkness because I was on the run.

1 John 5:14-15- Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hear us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him.


Join me next week as my world is rocked upside down trying to keep it all together!

God Loves You and So Do I!

Much Love to You!

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