I’m a Depressed Mommy……Now What!!

Just as most of my  life seems to have been; this week has been a very emotional one. Life sometimes throws you curve-balls that you are totally not expecting. On the way to work Tuesday morning God gave me a message. He told me that we have spam in our lives just like we do in our inbox and it is meant to occupy our time and destroy us! Just like we try so hard to protect our computer from viruses that are attached to spam email; we must also protect ourselves from the spam and viruses that satan sends our way. His spam is anything to catch our attention; to entice us and to worm his way into our life to get us off course with our walk with God. Pastor Jim once stated in a sermon that everything that glitters ain’t gold! We must be careful what we allow to occupy our time. If temptation is knocking; let Jesus get the door! As I stated last week the church sign read “Happy New Year! God’s Best is Right Before You!” Don’t settle for less than God’s best; keep focused and clean out the spam!

1 Peter 5:8 – Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Now to continue the story, my beautiful baby girl was born and is now getting ready to come home to a mama who has been severely depressed and on medication.

It was August 12, 1993 the day we got to bring our beautiful miracle baby home. Oh how extremely excited we were! Of course we had her nursery decorated so beautifully and her room next to ours. Our lives were perfect; so I thought. But the truth was I had no idea what to do with that sweet precious girl. We had visitors occasionally; but when it came down to everything it was all on me.  Her daddy was at work most of the time; therefore day and night I took care of her.

It was difficult for me as postpartum depression kicked in high gear and Samantha was very sick. Trying to be wife, mom, cook, maid, etc… took its toll on me! She cried most of the time and I did too. I felt like I was loosing my mind.

She had severe reflux but before we found out what was going on she was constantly throwing up.  I remember one night I had her in her crib and when I went to check on her she had stopped breathing for a bit. Talking about being terrified I was! Especially after loosing her twin and almost loosing her during birth! From that night on every time she was asleep I would constantly check on her to make sure she was breathing and hadn’t thrown up. Even during the night when I woke I had to check on her and believe me I didn’t get much sleep. Oh I loved being home with her but I so needed some sleep and help.

Once the doctors determined she had severe reflux she was put on medication. It had to be given to her one hour before eating/drinking her bottle. Then she had to sit upright to be fed; then continue sitting upright for an hour after she ate. This was very time consuming and no way that a daycare center could handle it. Therefore, the decision was made that I would resign from my job to stay home and care for her. I was excited as this is every mother’s dream to stay home with their baby. However, I didn’t like the circumstances in which I was having to do this. But God had given me a precious gift and I wanted to make sure she was going to be ok.

Mama’s always think they can do better than anyone else, so I didn’t get much relief.  I was afraid to let her stay anywhere; including with my parents. The one time they did watch her, my mama was scared because Samantha was throwing up so bad and constantly crying.

This constant crying, my depression and not getting enough sleep was getting the best of me. I became very moody and angry and now on top everything else we have to move. Samantha is three months old , no money saved up and we have to find somewhere to stay as the house we are in was being sold. Talking about short notice! So in a search for a place to live; we ended up with an older single-wide mobile home and set it up in Pin Hook, NC. So with a five month old baby we are moving from a comfortable brick home in Pink Hill to the single-wide in Pin Hook.

Everything was different and it was so cold during the move. But we were now close to Timmy’s family which worked out great because our nieces and Grandpa LK came to visit a lot. I had company and help with Samantha on occasion, life was getting better for me. Grandpa and the girls have not a clue as to how much they helped me. The attention and time they gave to Samantha was immeasurable; they absolutely adored her! However, being in Pin Hook was too much temptation for Timmy. He was back around his old stomping grounds and friends; headed down a very rocky road. So just when I thought things were going to get better; they got worse!

Girls, I want you to know that disobedience brings on very much heartache. Pain that we can totally avoid if we will only listen and obey the voice of God! This week I have been reminded several times of Psalm 46:10 “Be Still and Know that I am God”. Don’t be in a rush to have someone in your life that you miss out on the man God has handpicked for you! There is nothing in this world that can compare to the gift of God and the gifts he has for us. Someone posted this week on facebook and the post hit me spiritually and got me thinking. Why would be settle for bologna when we can have steak? Good question! Wait on God’s best; don’t settle we are too valuable! I know the promises of my future and my future husband that God has made to me. And I know that they are getting ready to come into fruition! Praise His Holy Name!!!

There is light at the end of the tunnel; but without light inside that tunnel it is very dark. The days to come in this story are going to get extremely dark. My prayer is that God uses everything I share to help someone. Pray for me because it is going to get extremely difficult for me to share. God can take a tragedy and create something beautiful as He makes beauty from ashes!

Join me next week as the road gets rockier!

God Loves You & So Do I….   Be Blessed!

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