Part 2 -Hell For My Daughter In The Changing Seasons of My Life

Last week was off the chart crazy. It seemed like I was busier and more tired than usual; to the point when I sat on the couch I fell asleep.  Never happens – Not normal! The thing is I had two blogs and a newsletter to write on top of everything else going on. A lot to do in a little time and as a perfectionist I worried it may not be good enough or not what was wanted or needed. God kept telling me to trust Him, and of course I was being a little hard-headed; well perhaps a lot. But He told me that it will all be ok; that it’s in his timing not mine or anyone else’s. Several days last week He reminded me that I need to realize that our timing and His are different. I don’t have to have it all right now, that some things are worth waiting for. The best is yet to come! All I need to do is listen to him as he guides me; being obedient.

I didn’t understand what He was telling me or why I just couldn’t get my post done by my deadline; until this morning. Wow!  The picture you see is the first time I have ever seen the sun just barely rising up in the trees, between the red lights. I drive this way every morning to work and on this morning is when I saw this. God let me know that my post wasn’t ready yesterday because He needed me to see this to give me a message to share. He said, “We have stop lights in our life that keep us from rising to become the men and women that He has created and called us to be.” These stop lights that keep us bound are fear, pride, anxiety, depression, disobedience, family, friends and wrong relationships. I now realize the struggle I was having was like a stop light to keep me from moving forward into the calling God has on my life.

Sometimes life gets very trying for me as a single mom working full time, taking care of life’s responsibilities myself. With yard work, house work, full time job, blogging, ministry, church nursery worker, FCA, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, great aunt, and friend I don’t get much free time. So yes; like everyone else I get tired and last week was one of those that I was allowing the burden’s of life to overtake me. In doing so I became fearful; afraid to move forward for fear of failure. The only failure would have been if I hadn’t tried at all. But as I have heard a lot lately; to get something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done. So guess what?!  I will keep on keeping on for God as I write both blogs; this one and the one at Emerge4unity.org. I am reminded that all things are possible to those who believe and that I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me.

Mark 9:23 (AMP ) Jesus said to him, “(You say to Me,) If You can? All things are possible for the one who believes and trusts (in Me)!

Philippians 4:13 (AMP) I can do all things (which He has called me to do) through Him who strengthens and empowers me (to fulfill His purpose – I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency; I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses me with inner strength and confident peace.”)

God had several reasons for me waiting until today to finish this blog post. I needed to be patient and wait on His timing; as patience hasn’t always been a strong suit for me. And I needed to see the sun’s position behind the red stop lights so that He could remind me not to allow fear and anxiety to keep me from rising up and becoming who He has called me to be.

Rise up and become who God created you to be. Don’t allow those stop lights in your life to keep you from moving forward. The best is yet to come! Trust God!

Now my story continues:

Life in Potters Hill was more like an emotional rollercoaster more so than anything. Between my drinking and thinking that I so desperately had to have someone in my life; I stayed rather busy looking for that one. Never realizing that I just needed to heal from the heartache and pain of my life. I didn’t stop to think what I was possibly doing to Samantha. To me she was my child and I was the adult; I could do exactly as I wanted. However, all the while thinking that I was doing the right thing because she so desperately wanted a daddy. But the harder I tried the angrier and more depressed I got. Anger and depression in a mommy is not good for a child.

Drinking only took the pain away as long I was intoxicated, but just as soon as I was sober I felt awful. And guess what!! The same problems I was drinking to drown, were still there waiting on me once I sobered up! There were no simple answers for this rebellious woman, it seemed everything was difficult; perhaps because I made it that way.

Still running from God, Samantha would constantly ask if we could go to church. I didn’t want to be considered a hypocrite by partying on Saturday night and sitting in church on Sunday so I would not take her. I didn’t realize at that time that church was like a hospital; I needed to go to be healed.  So you see, God was working on me then. I knew at that time I was living wrong; but I just wanted to do my own thing, when I wanted too, how I wanted too and look where that got me!

Join me next week as the story continues.

Please keep me in prayer as I continue this story as it will get extremely difficult to share. May God receive the glory for He makes beauty from ashes.

When God calls you to it; He will make a way!

Much Love To You All,

Donna

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *