The Raging War Within – Part 1

Just as God provides for the birds of the air, He provides for me. He is my shelter in the storms as I am safely wrapped in His arms and He carries me when I feel I can’t go on. The past month I have had many days that I felt I could not go on.  And I have discovered that not everyone believes in the spiritual warfare that is around us. Attacks are real, but we do not wrestle against flesh and blood but against powers of darkness. And the more we do for our Father; the angrier satan gets and will send those fiery darts to try to take us down.  It’s not people that we battle against but the dark forces of evil in a spiritual realm. As you have most likely noticed I haven’t written in the blog in a few weeks. I have been in the midst of a spiritual battle.

*****Ephesians 6:12-13 – For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

When I started this blog, I did so because God put me on assignment to be His hands, voice, and feet to show others that He is real and desires a personal relationship with them. And my hearts desire is to continue to please God with all that I am. Not only is this assignment to glorify God but He has used this to open my eyes and to heal me from my past so that I may become that mighty warrior that He is calling me to be. I praise God that I am not that person that I use to be; however I am still not where I want to be but God is making me.

It was March 14th my mama’s birthday, I was sick and left work early. While driving home I received a message from Mr. Clifton to call him that he needed to talk to me. So I immediately called him and he asked me to speak at the revival at the Community Church. He told me that he had read my blog and that others need to hear my testimony. Scared to death, I told him that I would pray about it.  I was reluctant because I don’t like to be seen; and I do not like standing in front of people; not to mention I have never stood in front of a church full of people sharing such intimate details of my life. The only thing remotely close was when I shared a small part of my testimony with a small group of women years ago.

Still sick the next day, I stayed home from work and slept all day. But on Thursday I was feeling better and went to work. However from Tuesday to Thursday; I received three conformations so I knew I was suppose to share my testimony. I sent Mr. Clifton a message that day and agreed to speak so he shortly let me know that Sunday night was open. I accepted and then almost immediately I got extremely sick with flu like symptoms. I missed work again on Friday, and then Saturday and Sunday I was still not well. Missing church service Sunday morning; I was determined satan was not going to stop me from speaking because now I knew that is exactly what he was trying to do. I told Samantha I was going to go speak even if I had to share and leave immediately.

The drive to Community Church was a rough one as satan started speaking his lies. Fear overcame me and satan was whispering to me that I wasn’t good enough to stand in front of that church behind that pulpit. I almost turned around and went home but I just couldn’t. We reached the church and went inside. Then Judy and Terry came in and sat with Samantha and myself. Trying to not appear afraid; God spoke to Judy and told her to pray with me and give me a message. With praise and worship music playing; she pointed for me to meet her at the back of the church. When I met her there; she asked was I scared. I said “Yes”! But then she told me that God told her to tell me to not be afraid that I can’t mess up because it was His story. Then she prayed with me that a peace would over take me.  This peace didn’t happen at that moment; but just as soon as I stood behind that pulpit and I started to open my mouth; there was such a great peace. I didn’t stutter nor was I nervous at all. The Holy Spirit just flowed as my testimony came out.

Once I finished and sat down I realized the reason I had to speak. More than what I had put into my blog came out that night. Several people stood up to thank me for sharing because the first young lady had held bitterness and anger towards her mom for a long time. She told me that just seeing the love between Samantha and myself and how much Samantha loves me even with all the hell that I had put her through; gave her the strength to forgive her mom just that night. She was at peace and was free from the bondage that she had been under of unforgiveness and said she was going to see her mom the next day. And she said that things were going to be different from that day forward.

Another young lady, my dear friend stood up and said she thought she was alone in being bitterly angry and hateful to her daughter for many years. She realized that night that we don’t have to carry that guilt and shame; that we can use our story to help others as we thank God for forgiving and changing us. Another woman asked me to keep her daughter in prayer as she was going through an abusive marriage. Then three different men stood up and thanked me for sharing and told me to keep holding on to God and that He will send me that special man that He chooses; to never lose faith. They too had been through divorce; but when they trusted God he sent them beautiful God fearing women.

*****Psalm 37:4 (NIV) Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

The next four weeks was a battle from hell as one fiery dart after another came. Between being sick and missing church, being criticized for believing the word of God and keeping my moral standards high; upsetting my parents and causing mama to not want to talk for a few days, and  a coworker talking cross to me and me not having any idea why; I was almost at the end of my rope. I felt a depression starting to overtake me. I felt I was dying physically, however I was dying mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Satan was on a mission to stop me from doing for God.

Join me next time as I continue this story and share with you how God saved me.

Remember God Loves You and So Do I !!

To God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit be all the Glory!



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