The Raging War Within – Part 2

My hopes and desires as I share with you is that God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit receive all the glory. And that my sharing will help you to understand the attacks of satan are real and that we have all the power over him. But we must remember that in the midst of the storm; God is our refuge and He is our avenger. As we draw neigh to God and hide His word in our hearts; we learn to use the authority we have been given to command satan to get behind thee in Jesus name.  Jesus was tempted and we will be too, for we are no better than our teacher; the key is to not bend, stay focused keeping those strong roots and use the weapons of our warfare.     2 Corinthians 10

In a recent church sermon; Doctor Barclay stated that the devil will chase us to our graves. The spiritual world is real. And satan says that we will be back with him due to the fact that many Christians have denied that the devil is real and they are out in the world again. Satan sends his demons to steal our money, our health, our family, our friends, our ministry, etc. The demons job is to pound us like sifting wheat to discourage us and cause us to abandon our walk with God. Satan will pull any trick possible to deceive and seduce us to break a hedge; therefore giving him permission to come into our life to break us and our family.

Last week I shared with you that the fiery darts of the enemy were out to destroy my walk with God. And that there were three confirmations that I received before I knew I was to definitely speak at the revival. The first confirmation was on the day I was asked to speak (March 14th) at 5:41 pm my friend Keith posted on Facebook “It is time for you to ARISE and to walk in that which I have called you to walk in, Know that I have called you for such a time as this, Thus saith the Lord”. The second confirmation was a picture on Facebook stating,  “Stop talking yourself our of your Blessings” because I was scared and didn’t want to speak. Then on Thursday morning (March 16th) I read 2 Timothy 4:1-5…. “Preach the Word”. Once I got to work on Thursday, I looked at my devotional calendar for Sunday’s date (March 19th – the day I would give my testimony) and it read: “God has great plans for you. He has important things He wants you to do. And He is preparing you for your destiny right now. But you have to take steps of obedience in order to get there. And you have to trust that He knows the way and wont hurt you in the process.” Wow, has He not let me know that I am to move forward or what?!!  So I wrote Mr. Clifton and agreed to speak at the revival, then I became really sick causing me to miss church that night and work on Friday. I was in bed all day Friday and Saturday then on Sunday morning  still sick and unable to sleep; I woke up at 4:00 am. I prayed and started reading in the Bible. Then when I looked on Facebook I saw a post that read, “It’s working in your favor. You may not see it yet but a way is being made. Mind blowing blessings are on the way. Expect doors to be opened!” (@TonyGaskins). Those blessings were on the way that night as people were set free from bondage after hearing my testimony.

I definitely knew I was to speak at that revival at Community Church. But as I said afterwards those fiery darts came bountifully. I missed church several times due to sickness; even having to have someone cover the nursery for me one day. Then someone tried to convince me that my beliefs were wrong and that my standards were too high. They stated that they had studied theology and that marriage was nothing more than a piece of paper. In their belief sex was ok as long as two people truly loved one another. When I refused to agree with their beliefs it was almost as if every other area of my life was attacked.  I was told that I was trying to earn my way into Heaven by being good. And I felt as if I was being put down for everything that I had been doing for God due to comments that were made. After a few weeks of hearing this; I started to question everything that I was doing. Had God really called me to work in the nursery, to write or be a part of Emerge Ministries!?? I wasn’t sure anymore and could not think straight or function normally. My mind was clouded and I was stressed and overwhelmed.  It seemed I could do nothing right! I had started to believe the lies of the enemy and I broke that hedge with my doubts of who God had called me to be and what I was to do for Him.

The next thing that happened was I wrote a blog post titled “Desiring to Be Loved in the Brokenness.” With that particular post I failed to pray before I wrote it or even before I published it as I was babysitting that weekend and was in a hurry and I wasn’t the most pleasant of persons. I lost my cool when I was writing it. Since then, I remembered something Pastor Joyce has always told me; “If it is of God then there will be peace”. There was no peace that night for me and that post was hurtful to my parents. A comment that I had included appeared as if I wasn’t loved as a child and that is far from the truth as my parents have always loved me. People show love in different ways but people want to be shown in different ways. However the wording in that post came across wrong.  I never meant to hurt anyone; but the enemy came in and caused chaos within my family. My mom was so hurt that it took over a week before she could talk to me and I don’t blame her. Not having her talk to me was extremely devastating. And now I realize all of this was an attack to bring me down; and down I was.

Two days after the post an incident happened at work and to this day I still do not know what happened. My co-worker was extremely snappy towards me when I spoke to her and she became very distant from me the rest of the week. I don’t have a clue as to what was up, but that week was extremely rotten and a lot of fiery darts were being thrown my way by satan and his demons.  With so much going on my body tensed up causing pain all over and anxiety and depression was beginning to overtake me. I felt as if I was not going to be able to continue with anything. I wanted to walk away from my job and completely give up on writing this blog and writing for Emerge Ministries. I knew I was dying mentally, emotionally and spiritually and reached out in a text for prayer to two very precious ladies in my life.  Praise God the next week was a much needed spring break. God gave me time to be alone to repent, refocus and return to my secret place with Him.

…..Exodus 20:12 (NLT) – “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

However, before spring break could hit I spoke with a friend on the phone in whom I cried on. They were trying to explain to me to not take stuff personal and not allow people to get to me; but sensitive me don’t work that way. However, I think what upset me the most is when I told them my mom wouldn’t talk to me; they didn’t wait to hear that it was my fault. The term used was “screw them” and to me this is so wrong on so many levels. The Fifth Commandant says we are to honor our parents so of course I didn’t agree with my friend but said nothing; instead I gave it to God and prayed. But then again as I said, my friend didn’t wait to hear what had happened. I know they had my best interest at heart and I understand this now. But I have come to realize that sometimes when we desire to help others; we may be too quick to speak and perhaps we (myself included) need to listen more.  So dealing with this and everything else, I was a complete and total wreck.

….Matthew 12:37 – “For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Spring break week arrived and I spent time outside and at the beach. God and I had many conversations that week and things started looking better. My mom called me back after I left her a message and I went to visit her. Returning to work the next week; things were fine and dandy between my co-worker and myself and have been since. Out of all the 7 1/2 years I have been there; this was the first time anything like this had happened. But when one thing doesn’t go satan’s way then he tries another as he has attacked my health and my pocketbook. But praise God for He made a way!

I declare the manifestation of healing to my body for I was healed over 2,000 years ago. God says in Mark 5:34 that my faith has made me whole in Jesus Name, Amen!

When satan hits your finances, health, family and ministry; he is testing your faith and your foundation in Christ. My riding mower tore up but my awesome nephew and brother repaired it for me. Then my AC went out on my 2004 Toyota Highlander but praise God one window will still roll down.  It went out after I spoke with the Impact Girls (young girls) group at church about the importance of prayer. And I explained to them how Samantha’s prayers at such an early age were used to change my life and lead me to salvation; affording me a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father. And that if she had not prayed for me, I would not be here today.

Satan came after my finances when I had to pay for my home AC repair, increase in insurance and lawn mower repair;  but God provided! Then Samantha was blessed with a full time position in her dream job. God still providing!  Satan’s attacks were physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, with relationships including family, friends, ministry and work. Although things were extremely tough during this time, it’s ok because within a month I grew in God, standing on His Word in faith. The enemy tried to get me off the course that God has for me because he wants only to destroy me. He just hasn’t realized he is a defeated foe.

I may have had clouded perception and fell for a moment; but praise God I realized the trick of the enemy before he completely destroyed me. I’ve grown in Christ and was able to stand on the Word and keep myself pure; the old me would have never realized what was happening. I praise God for He carried me through the storms and I came out stronger and wiser. Through all of this my mind was clouded but praise God I realized the attack of the enemy and didn’t spiral down as I had in the past but I got back up, quickly! Having God in or out of our life can make a  difference, just as the difference is in night and day.

The scriptures I spoke over myself after I realized I was under spiritual attack are:

Ephesians 6:16 – I can quench all the fiery darts of the enemy with the shield of faith.

Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ Jesus.

James 1:22,25 – I am a doer of the Word and blessed in my actions.

1 Corinthians 6:19 – I am the temple of the Holy Spirit, I am not my own.

Deuteronomy 28:13 – I am the head and not the tail; I am above only and not beneath.

Deuteronomy 28:15-68  & Galatians 3:13 – I am redeemed from the curse of sin, sickness, and poverty.

Colossians 2:7 – I am firmly rooted built up, established in my faith and overflowing with gratitude.

Psalm 66:8 & 2 Timothy 1:9 – I am called of God to be the voice of His Praise.

Isaiah 53:5 & 1 Peter 2:24 – I am healed by the strips of Jesus.

James 4:7 – I am submitted to God, and the devil flees from me because I resist him in the name of Jesus.

2 Timothy 1:7 – For god has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, love and a sound mind.

Galatians 2:20 – It is not I who live but Christ lives in me.

Sharing such intimate details of my life is extremely difficult. However, I pray that with me being real and being so transparent that it will show you that even a seasoned Christian can fall prey to the schemes of the enemy. We must stay in the Word and communicate with our Father to keep that personal relationship intimate. Do not allow the things of this world to keep you so busy that you loose focus of what is important! With all that I have shared now you see that for over a month the raging war within was a battle of the spirits. Satan once again tried to stop me by distracting me……But God!!!

Ephesians 6:12 (AMP)- For our struggle is not against flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this [present] darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly [supernatural] places.

To God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit be All the Glory!

Much Love to you all,


Remember God Loves You! (John 3:16)

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