As I sit and think about the past year; so much has happened. My life has completely changed from the way it use to be. My thoughts and my desires are so unlike what they had been all my life. I want no part of the old me; I so want to please God in everything that I do. They say we become a new creature once we submit to God; putting off the old and putting on the new. I have seen this in my own life; although still not perfect I have seen new desires and actions emerge.
Last September, God laid upon my heart to start writing a blog for Him and to share my life testimony. This definitely was not something that I wanted to do for fear of loosing my job and having everyone know how I’d been and having people talk about me! However, after confirmations and a nudge from God, I stepped out and trusted Him. When He asked me if I loved my job more than Him that was my deciding factor; I knew what I had to do. Difficult and time consuming it has been, but it has been so worth every tear that I have cried and every moment I spent while remembering and writing.
When I started writing I had no clue as to what a blog was. Much less how to set it up and write one. But God has guided me the entire way. I went from wanting to end my life in the spring/early summer of 2016 to writing a blog for God to help others. The title of this particular post is what my theme has been for this blog. I had hopes that sharing the darkest secrets of my life would help others. And it has not only helped others; but has helped me. Through my obedience of sharing everything that God has asked me to share; I have experienced so much healing and growth that I never thought could be possible. I have had a complete heart change within a year.
My first official post was published October 16, 2016 and it was titled “Once Upon a Time”. Sounds like I was getting ready to share a fairy tale; but unfortunately it wasn’t a fairy tale but was the truth. And although it hasn’t ended as my life is still going; it is a happily ever after story, once I got past all of the deep dark stuff. You see my true love walk has been just that. God has taken me to a place where I have finally seen, experienced and realize what true love is.
Favor is God’s reward for obedience…. Hebrews 11:6 says “But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him.” In this year of writing; it has been a battle. The flesh against the spirit and I could tell when I stepped away from studying and seeking God as I should. Although not consecutive; there was turmoil in my life for a couple of months and I was unable to write. I know satan wanted me to stop writing for God’s plan and purpose for this blog was more than I ever dreamed.
Through writing He has blessed my daughter and me far greater than we deserve. His mercy, grace and love is astounding! And although I accepted Christ as my Savior in January 2008; I realized in this past year that I never was truly walking the walk; I was still in the world straddling the fence as people would say. But God is so good; you know I realized too that He has been with me all my life. It just took this past year of actually taking time and doing something for Him that I was able to realize it. I can see now where He was even with me before I took that first drink, that first cigarette, that first joint, my first sexual encounter, etc.. When I walked away from Him at 15 years old; He never stopped loving me and pursuing me. I just chose to ignore Him and my life was a wreck. But God!!!
Since September 30, 2016 when God allowed me to publish that first test page for this blog; His goodness has never ceased. Here is what God has done in the past year through this blog. Several young women have learned they are much more valuable than they ever thought and moved on from destructive relationships. Two mother and daughters have made amends, a young woman realized she wasn’t alone in dealing with anger and mistreating her daughter, another young woman realized that life is so much more than she ever thought it could be; that God can heal broken hearts, restore marriages, restore families, and replace brokenness with joy and that miracles do happen. God also provided a praying friend for a woman that needed someone during a very difficult time in her life due to sickness of a parent. Several single parents both male and female have reached out for prayer due to anger because they want to be different and don’t want their children to end up like them. Another woman realized that she deserves so much more than she has settled for. Not only have females been reading this blog, but males also. Many have written not only me but Samantha asking for prayer and I have met with a few.
God has been so good to Samantha and me. Not only have I had a heart change but Samantha has been able to truly forgive me for the way I had treated her all her life. God has allowed me to overcome being a controlling and angry mother. If you go back and follow the blog you will see that God provided in such a huge way. Every time God provided; the devil tried to destroy something else; but in the end when satan let something fall apart; God fixed it or provided another way!
God provided Samantha with a car when she was working only part time and shortly after her hours were cut. Living off of my paycheck was extremely tough with that extra added expense. However, God made a way! He gave us a trip to New York City, Shenandoah Valley, and to Washington, DC all within a period of 3 months. This was unthinkable for someone who never went on vacations. Then for Christmas, never having had a new purse, I was given two Michael Kors purses. Then in April after eight interviews; Samantha received a full-time position within the school system, doing exactly what she had been dreaming of doing.
Since the spring of this year, several things have taken place; but God made a way. My 2004 Toyota with 260, 000 miles has only one window that will roll down and the A/C went out on it, but now it is working part-time. After being parked for months due to running hot, I decided to repair Samantha’s old 98 Chevy Cavalier because it has a good A/C on it. But before an inspection, we had to replace the thermostat and the radiator. Then when going to the car wash another issue arrived, the battery light came on and the alternator wasn’t charging. So on a Sunday afternoon when it was about 100 degrees outside it died at a stop sign while I was trying to deliver it to the place for repair on Monday. So I had to push it off the road with sweat beading off of me. I later realized, I didn’t loose my temper and yell and scream ugly words! I was so excited and proud of myself for keeping my cool. I so thank God, for the blessings of towing being covered and me not loosing my cool. We got it repaired, inspected, and I am driving it today.
Then in August while fixing Samantha’s quilt for her birthday from her old t-shirts; the sewing machine quit. And instead of loosing my temper; I prayed and asked God to help me. Guess what? It started back working and I finished that beautiful quilt for her. The next week I borrowed Samantha’s car and drove to the beach for a day with my friend Cheryl. Never having a problem with the AC on the way there; we get in the car to drive back and the A/C isn’t working. After letting her out at her car in Jacksonville; I touch the knob and prayed and it starts back working.
After publishing the post titled “A Daughter’s Forgiveness – True Unconditional Love” a beautiful lady writes me a private message. I could tell she was upset with things from her life. I wasn’t sure how to respond to her message but I prayed and answered her. After offering to meet with her; we did and we talked for 4 hours. She was so amazed at how God had moved in mine and Samantha’s relationship. We instantly became friends and she came to church with me the next night and was set free from things that had been bottled up inside. Shortly after this my AC unit to my house decided to go on permanent vacation. This beautiful new friend gave me a window unit she no longer needed to help cool my home.
At the end of July I was contacted by a lady who asked for prayer for her momma. This sweet lady and her family have become such amazing friends. And have blessed Samantha and myself tremendously not only with their friendship but with a weekend at their place at the beach. However on the way there; Samantha’s car broke down. The clamp on the radiator came off and the water leaked out! We had to call for help. But praise God, my nephew picked up Samantha took her to get my Toyota then her car was towed to the shop. We went to the beach and had a great time regardless of the trouble. And on Monday when we picked up the car; we were blessed with no cost on the repair and tow bill.
This wasn’t the end as on September 6th while driving to work; I realize my car is not sounding right when I tried to crank it and had noticed it for a few days. Thinking is was the starter; I took it by the station to have it checked. Well it was the battery and praise God it wasn’t the starter! Once again, God steps in and the battery was covered by a warranty. I am so thankful that it didn’t leave me stranded beside the road and thank God it didn’t die when we drove to Colombia, SC just a week and a half before that.
Through all these trials I have been able to keep my cool and the old me would have totally flaked out. I mean with yelling ugly words, not a pretty picture I know. But with God, there is such a calmness and peace even in the midst of the storms. I told you , there has been such growth in my walk with God and in my life. God has used this blog to teach me about true love. His love for me is the truest of loves as it is unconditional. He allowed His one and only son to die for me; now that is love! I am chosen, wanted and loved; but God has also let me know that He has already chosen my husband. I am not sure when I will meet him but I don’t think it is going to be much longer!! I couldn’t have a husband before now because I wasn’t ready. That is why I wasn’t able to hold on to anyone in the past. I kept repeating the same old mistakes. My heart had so much hurt that it had to have time to heal for me to be able to move forward into all that God has for me and has for me to do for Him. I thank God for His continued work in my life and preparing and anointing me to be my husbands’ wife, a mother to our children, a grandmother to our grandchildren with many wonderfully blessed years serving Him together.
***Matthew 19:26 – But Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Please excuse my writing tonight but as I have said in the beginning I am not a professional. But I write from the heart as the Holy Spirit guides me. I am real and never want to go back to be that woman that I use to be! I thank God for miracles, because I am one!
To God Be All the Glory, Honor & Praise!
Join me next time as this love story continues!
Much Love to you all!