This blog post was started a month ago and I never took time to get back to it until today. So please forgive me for not being consistent. The past year has been really tough and then Hurricane Florence damaged my home but God is a provider and I know He has this. I wrote this when I was out of work and sitting on the beach the Saturday before the hurricane hit North Carolina. I pray that my words are not hurtful but helpful because it’s taking courage to share so much of my personal life. But I told God to use me in any way that needs. So here is my latest hearts cry…..Much Love to you All!
Life Without God First Is No Life At All
When life gets tough and you’re down and out it’s at that moment when you realize who really cares. For years I’ve been the prayer Warrior for so many; but the hardest person to pray for is yourself. When you are caught in a world wind of attack after attack or perhaps test after test; either way I have learned all too well that if you don’t take time for God by staying in his word and prayed up, you will lose all sense of self.
Being run down physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually gave Satan the doorway to pounce in and to take me out. I know all too well because I’m sitting in my favorite place as I write this and I had to make myself come to the beach. And you all know I love it here and would live here if I could. But I physically had to make myself go to the beach over the summer too! This is totally out of character for me. Depression and Social Anxiety had hit me hard and didn’t want to be around people. I felt worthless until I listened to a CD on the way to the beach, titled Peace and Healing, recorded by a precious sister in Christ. The words spoken where Gods words about me and His thoughts of me. These lifted my spirit and reminded me who I am and to whom I belong, but I just still couldn’t make my way back to where I needed to be.
Staying so busy over the summer I didn’t take time for myself and it took its toll on me. Severe crippling headaches, complete exhaustion, sudden weight loss, loss of appetite, chest pain and elevated blood pressure soon escalated into a trip to the emergency room with stroke-like symptoms on the Saturday before I was to return back to work from summer break. And then about $8,000 later it was determined that I was having neurological migraines which cause stroke-like symptoms which are induced by stress.
Once again looking out for others before I look out for myself; school started back and I postponed a follow-up with my doctor. I didn’t want to leave my co-workers hanging those first two weeks of school because it’s extremely crazy at the beginning of year. So I waited two weeks more to see my doctor. By that time I was a complete wreck and she took me out of work for the rest of that week. I know you are probably saying “she should have missed work and taken care of herself”. Well that’s the point of my story. I am so into making sure everyone else is OK, that I fail to look out for myself. It was during this time off that I found out who cared and who cared less. And believe me this was painful but opened my eyes.
The doctor told me that my blood pressure was elevated but that it was fine. However the depression that I was experiencing was causing me not to sleep and had done so for several months; in turn causing depression to be worse. It was a vicious cycle. Thanks to a very special lady feeling in her spirit that something was wrong; my precious friend offered me an opportunity for a few days of peace and quiet at her beach home. And since the doctor had taken me out of work the rest of that week I accepted this mini vacation. To breathe in the Ocean air aided my healing. I knew not one person there so I was able to keep to myself without worrying what others might say or think for I looked a wreck. Sometimes you just need to get away to be close to God and enjoy his magnificent creations.
I’ve been someone who has worried about hurting others feelings or even saying no. But God has revealed to me that it’s okay to look out for me. Because without doing so I’m definitely no good for anyone! I promise you people will take and take until you’re drained and it doesn’t matter if it’s family, coworkers, friends, Etc. There has to be a line drawn when doing for others never let it become all about them for in doing so we lose our-self. Don’t get me wrong it isn’t’ suppose to be all about ourselves, but you have to have a balance in your life. When we loose our-self; we in turn become disconnected, withdrawn and even start putting God on the back burner. I know because this is exactly what happened with me. Therefore, He must always be first!
Ladies, when you are physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually drained it’s a struggle to feel human again. Best thing to do is do what you can, ask for help and just simply admit we are not Wonder Woman and we can’t do all; regardless of how bad we want too sometimes. It’s ok to say no! It’s ok to stand up for our rights and stop being dumped on! Ladies, God designed us to nurture and care but he gave us a brain to take care of ourselves too.
I’m learning it’s okay to disconnect and take some me time. Sometimes you just have to not answer the telephone, ignore text messages and voicemail and log out of social media and spend that time with God.When you reach the point where you don’t stand up for yourself and you always feel obligated or find it impossible to say no or to simply ask for help then that’s when you need to step back and question who are you doing this for! Also ask yourself am I going to be effective if I continue at this pace? Am I being true to self or anyone that I am trying to help?
God does say to look out for others but we must look out for us too. Stay in the word, in prayer and never let the cares of the world become more important than God. It’s when we do that the enemy comes right in to destroy us. If we give an itch he takes a mile.
So much happened over the summer break from work and school. Consumed I was and is an understatement! I know everyone has busy lives and things going on but here is my summer in a nutshell. I’m not complaining, just wanted to share with you when everything hits you at once and you don’t stay in the word and in prayer how easy it is for satan to sneak right in. We must stay armored up at all times.
1. 7 1/2 weeks of radiation for my mom with me taking her 3 to 4 days a week @ 100 miles traveled a day and being gone anywhere from 3 hours to 6 hours.
2. First two days of summer break consist of decorating for VBS. Then the first full week I helped teach 3 and 4 year old kids from 6:15 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. and then next week is when Mom started her radiation.
3. I had about three days of just sitting on the beach for a few hours in about five walks down the beach.
4. Not much sleep, was cranky and pushing myself.
5. 2 1/2 acre yard to mow. And it was wet most of the summer. Needed to do repairs to my home, and my pool was flat to the ground and no time for it.
6. I had no air condition except for window unit until close to the end of July. Therefore I was unable to cook in the house because it was really too hot inside and about 85 degrees inside most days.
7. Headaches and exhaustion I didn’t even feel like going to church most of the time and I missed more services than I wanted.
8. Then Satan used someone to try and tear me apart from church family.
With everything going on I was still trying to be mom and dad and do everything myself. Unfortunately, I have discovered I am not Wonder Woman!! I can’t do it all but I know a God who can and will supply all my needs. My friends, just remember a life without God first is no life at all! I may have missed the mark over the summer. And I may have not been pursuing God as I should have; but He continued to pursue me. He never left my side, Praise His Holy Name! Don’t allow yourself to stay so busy doing for everyone else that you fail to do for you and your household. Ask for help when it’s needed, stay in Gods Word and stay prayed up– never leave God for He loves you more than anyone ever will! And remember it’s ok to say NO!
***Ephesians 6:11- Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.
***1 Timothy 5:8 – Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, had denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
My dear precious friend thank you so very much. Words can never express my gratitude for your love and generosity. You and your family are truly God sent and wonderful blessings in my life!
To God Be All the Glory, Honor & Praise!
Much Love to you All !