Reality Check

As I sit and write tonight; I have so much on my mind. Forgive me for not being consistent in my writing; however I actually started this post a month ago. And this past month has been difficult for my family and myself with a long road ahead of us. Please keep us in your prayers. I know that God has it all in His Hands. Through it all, it is well!

Now lets get to this post of a reality check!

While driving to work recently my check engine light came on and I looked up into the sky. Upon looking up I saw this one little dark blob of something but couldn’t tell what it was. At that moment I was reminded of the shooting in Las Vegas and how Jesus is watching. He is coming back soon and we must check ourselves and make sure that we’re ready. Check engine – check your heart! Revelations is being played out before us! Evil is running rampant in the world. We must check our hearts and get them right so we don’t get left behind.

***Proverbs 13:24 – (ISV)
Whoever does not discipline his son hates him, but whoever loves him is diligent to correct him.

Driving home a few weeks ago on Friday afternoon I got stuck behind a school bus. I noticed that the kid in the back seat was either middle school or high school age. I think they were perhaps on the way to a ball game. But what happened after getting stopped at the stop light was so heartbreaking and it made me think of the phrase “spare the rod- spoil the child”. This kid gave me the middle finger by placing his hand behind the seat in front of the back window. He did so as if he was afraid he would get caught if he placed his hand up higher. Then he put his face in the glass, stuck his tongue out at me and appeared to be laughing. I just blew him a kiss and said God please forgive him for he knows not what he does.

This kid had never seen me before and it made me think why would he do this to a total stranger. Then on the following Sunday the shooting in Las Vegas happened. I was reminded of all the evil happening around us with all of the lawlessness.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 describes exactly what is going on right now.

***2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NLT) –The Dangers of the Last Days
You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!

Recently I’ve had someone approach me about my writings. It felt as if I was being criticized for writing my testimony in this blog. At least that is what I felt was happening but I think they were questioning my motives behind writing in both blogs. As I sit and think about the conversation we had; I can only think of the following answer. I wrote my testimony in this blog because God asked me to write it. I was not trying to promote me, but I was promoting God by telling the world where He brought me from. By sharing and writing my testimony it has not only given me a pure heart but has healed it as I have shared everything. I have nothing left to hide. It took a lot out of me to let people know the truth. No, I didn’t do it so God would love me because he already did. And I didn’t do it so that other people would love me, because that’s irrelevant. It doesn’t matter what people think of me or even if they like me; it only matters what God thinks and guess what… He loves me.  He said I was to die for.

But as I sit here tonight, I am thinking perhaps God was reminding me to do things for the right reason. Sometimes we have good ideas; but perhaps at the wrong time. When we step outside of Gods plan and try to do it our-self; we become overloaded and stressed. Hence, a reality check – check my heart. What’s the motive….. Approval of others or Gods plan? 

Someone said that I shouldn’t speak so much about the Holy Spirit because not everyone believes in the Holy Spirit. My response is this; I will not hide the Holy Spirit in anything that I do for it is by Him that I live and write. Ezekiel 36:26-27…. God has given me a new a heart and put a new spirit within me. You can’t hide what is within! 

God has brought me too far in my life to not be thankful. And never will I try to hide the Holy Spirit in a corner or a back room. He shall have free reign in my life and in all my writings. I have been changed from the inside out. God has healed me, delivered me, and set me free from many demonic forces that plagued my life. Today I am free, never wanting to be that old me again!

I have a new realization of who I am in Christ. I don’t have to be the person that I use to be. I don’t have to live the way I use too and I don’t have to allow people to treat me the way that I allowed them to treat me over the years. Do to my lack of self-esteem and lack of confidence in myself; for years I didn’t want to be seen. I felt like I was not as good as others because I didn’t have materialistic things like everyone else. I now know that materialistic things don’t matter because money can’t buy the most precious gifts. But praise God I have discovered that I have one thing that nobody can take away from me. And that is my salvation, my love for God and God’s love for me. He is all I need!

 As you have seen we are living in the last days. People are unloving, unholy, lovers of self, despisers of good, blasphemers, having a form of godliness but denying its power, etc.. From the Las Vegas shooting, to the more recent church shooting, to the kid on the school bus these are all signs of perilous times and men. And the fact that church folks feel we should deny the Holy Spirit freedom, is heart breaking. There are many confused by false doctrine. God tells us in 1 John 4:1 to test the spirits. He is watching just as I was reminded. Let’s check our hearts and make sure we are ready. We can’t straddle the fence; either we are for God or against Him! Which side are you on? 

To God Be All the Glory, Honor & Praise!

Much Love to You All!

Donna

True Love Will Wait

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about girls, young women and older women who are single and desire love. At 51 years of age I have discovered there’s a right way and a wrong way to find that love we so desire. Unfortunately in my life I took a lot of wrong turns and did a lot of the wrong things in search of it. And look where it got me, I’m single and praying for a good Christian man after three divorces. If you are like myself and have already indulged into sexual relations, just know it’s not to late to repent,  turn from it and be made new. I am pure in Gods eyes and you can be too!

Satan will use your weakness to temp you as long as you let your flesh control you. But once you ask God into your life it becomes temptation or a test. If you pass the test there is promotion to the next level  but if you fail it  you will have to repeat that test again . God uses test to help us grow and trust me I failed several times. But God!!

***1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Ladies while we are still out in the world we see no wrong with the things that we do. From laying on the couch snuggling, having sex, sleeping around with multiple partners, getting drunk and/ or high partying it up, living the life; what have we got to lose!!?? We have everything to lose!!

We lose our self-respect, the respect of others, our self-esteem, a good name, etc and we are left with emotional and mental scars. We become known as a tramp, slut or whore. When you grow up and have a daughter of your own do you want her to live the life that you’re living?

I get it! I totally understand for I wanted someone to love me so badly that I gave in to the flesh more times than I care to count. But ladies keep yourself for your husband and let your marriage night be a night of special memories! Give your husband the special gift of an untainted you! I sure wish I had waited for the man that God had chosen for me! But you see I was looking at the outside of the man and not at the heart, and I missed out on a very good man in my life, he was my best friend. If I had waited and kept myself my life today would have been so different!

When you’re out in the world  and single once you ever give yourself to one man it becomes easier to give yourself to another, then another and another. And every time you give yourself away you give a piece of your heart away too. I get it  you do it because you think they love you and that you love them, but the truth is if you really love one another  you will wait. True Love Waits!

Believe me guys talk, and then it becomes a game between them to see who is the next one to score. Ladies be no one’s game, please keep yourself pure! And do not try to hold on to someone who is disrespectful to you or to your parents! Is this really what you would want for the rest of your life!??

I have learned that guys will do and say anything; even try to make a play of words of the Bible to convince you that it’s okay to have sex outside of marriage. But I’m here to tell you that it is not okay! Having sex before marriage destroys the inner you leaving you empty with no peace and  joy, only that feeling of fulfillment at the time of climax.

You are a rare jewel, priceless! Don’t sell yourself short by being so available. Anything worth having is worth waiting for.

I use to think I had to have a man in my life. And I do! But there is only one man that I need in my life and that’s God. I use to feel like I couldn’t live unless I had a man in my life and I’m absolutely right; but it’s not a man that’s here on Earth!  God is all I need! This doesn’t mean I don’t want my husband,  because believe me I do!  But I desire the husband that God desires for me to have. I want my soulmate to help push me forward in this calling on my life and me to help push his. With the two of us serving God side by side, hand in hand, showing others what He can do in the life of an individual, a marriage and in families giving all glory and honor to God.

Give yourself time to heal between relationships. If you don’t, you will continue to make the same mistakes. You have to give your heart and your emotions  time to heal . And when God gives you that godly man in your life appreciate him, respect him, love him, honor him and cherish him. And men when God sends you that godly woman-your wife; love her, cherish her, respect her, appreciate her, take care of her and protect her.

Don’t be in a hurry to grow up, enjoy your childhood and grow closer to God as you grow older. I fully believe that if we honor God by keeping ourselves he will definitely honor us with the desires of our heart. We don’t have to be test driven because by honoring God I believe He will honor us and our marriage bed will be out of this world.

***Romans 12:2                         ***1 Peter 4:3.                           ***1 John 2:15-17                     *** 2 Timothy 4:3-4.   ***Hebrew 13:4.                     ***1 Corinthians 3:16-17

True Love Will Wait!

Much Love to You All,

Donna

One Woman’s Journey to Finding Unconditional Love

As I sit and think about the past year; so much has happened. My life has completely changed from the way it use to be. My thoughts and my desires are so unlike what they had been all my life. I want no part of the old me; I so want to please God  in everything that I do. They say we become a new creature once we submit to God; putting off the old and putting on the new. I have seen this in my own life; although still not perfect I have seen  new desires and actions emerge.

Last September, God laid upon my heart to start writing a blog for Him and to share my life testimony. This definitely was not something that I wanted to do for fear of loosing my job and having everyone know how I’d been and having people talk about me! However, after confirmations and a nudge from God, I stepped out and trusted Him. When He asked me if I loved my job more than Him that was my deciding factor; I knew what I had to do. Difficult and time consuming it has been, but it has been so worth every tear that I have cried and every moment I spent while remembering and writing.

When I started writing I had no clue as to what a blog was. Much less how to set it up and write one. But God has guided me the entire way. I went from wanting to end my life in the spring/early summer of 2016 to writing a blog for God to help others. The title of this particular post is what my theme has been for this blog. I had hopes that sharing the darkest secrets of my life would help others. And it has not only helped others; but has helped me. Through my obedience of sharing everything that God has asked me to share; I have experienced so much healing and growth that I never thought could be possible. I have had a complete heart change within a year.

My first official post was published October 16, 2016 and it was titled “Once Upon a Time”. Sounds like I was getting ready to share a fairy tale; but unfortunately it wasn’t a fairy tale but was the truth. And although it hasn’t ended as my life is still going; it is a happily ever after story, once I got past all of the deep dark stuff. You see my true love walk has been just that. God has taken me to a place where I have finally seen, experienced and realize what true love is. 

Favor is God’s reward for obedience…. Hebrews 11:6 says “But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him.” In this year of writing; it has been a battle. The flesh against the spirit and I could tell when I stepped away from studying and seeking God as I should. Although not consecutive; there was turmoil in my life for a couple of months and I was unable to write. I know satan wanted me to stop writing for God’s plan and purpose for this blog was more than I ever dreamed.

Through writing He has blessed my daughter and me far greater than we deserve. His mercy, grace and love is astounding! And although I accepted Christ as my Savior in January 2008; I realized in this past year that I never was truly walking the walk; I was still in the world straddling the fence as people would say. But God is so good; you know I realized too that He has been with me all my life. It just took this past year of actually taking time and doing something for Him that I was able to realize it. I can see now where He was even with me before I took that first drink, that first cigarette, that first joint, my first sexual encounter, etc.. When  I walked away from Him at 15 years old; He never stopped loving me and pursuing me. I just chose to ignore Him and my life was a wreck. But God!!!

Since September 30, 2016 when God allowed me to publish that first test page for this blog; His goodness has never ceased. Here is what God has done in the past year through this blog. Several young women have learned they are much more valuable than they ever thought and moved on from destructive relationships. Two mother and daughters have made amends, a young woman realized she wasn’t alone in dealing with anger and mistreating her daughter, another young woman realized that life is so much more than she ever thought it could be; that God can heal broken hearts, restore marriages, restore families, and replace brokenness with joy and that miracles do happen. God also provided a praying friend for a woman that needed someone during a very difficult time in her life due to sickness of a parent. Several single parents both male and female have reached  out for prayer due to anger because they want to be different and don’t want their children to end up like them. Another woman realized that she deserves so much more than she has settled for. Not only have females been reading this blog, but males also. Many have written not only me but Samantha asking for prayer and I have met with a few.

God has been so good to Samantha and me. Not only have I had a heart change but Samantha has been able to truly forgive me for the way I had treated her all her life. God has allowed me to overcome being a controlling and angry mother. If you go back and follow the blog you will see that God provided in such a huge way. Every time God provided; the devil tried to destroy something else; but in the end when satan let something fall apart; God fixed it or provided another way!

God provided Samantha with a car when she was working only part time and shortly after her hours were cut. Living off of my paycheck was extremely tough with that extra added expense. However, God made a way! He gave us a trip to New York City, Shenandoah Valley, and to Washington, DC all within a period of 3 months. This was unthinkable for someone who never went on vacations. Then for Christmas, never having had a new purse, I was given two Michael Kors purses. Then in April after eight interviews; Samantha received a full-time position within the school system, doing exactly what she had been dreaming of doing.

Since the spring of this year, several things have taken place; but God made a way.  My 2004 Toyota with 260, 000 miles has only one window that will roll down and the A/C went out on it, but now it is working part-time. After being parked for months due to running hot, I decided to repair Samantha’s old 98 Chevy Cavalier because it has a good A/C on it. But before an inspection, we had to replace the thermostat and the radiator. Then when going to the car wash another issue arrived, the battery light came on and the alternator wasn’t charging. So on a Sunday afternoon when it was about 100 degrees outside it died at a stop sign while I was trying to deliver it to the place for repair on Monday. So I had to push it off the road with sweat beading off of me. I later realized, I didn’t loose my temper and yell and scream  ugly words!  I was so excited and proud of myself for keeping my cool. I so thank God, for the blessings of towing being covered and me not loosing my cool. We got it repaired, inspected, and I am driving it today.

Then in August while fixing Samantha’s quilt for her birthday from her old t-shirts; the sewing machine quit. And instead of loosing my temper; I prayed and asked God to help me. Guess what? It started back working and I finished that beautiful quilt for her. The next week I borrowed Samantha’s car and drove to the beach for a day with my friend Cheryl. Never having a problem with the AC on the way there; we get in the car to drive back and the A/C isn’t working. After letting her out at her car in Jacksonville; I touch the knob and prayed and it starts back working.

After publishing the post titled “A Daughter’s Forgiveness – True Unconditional Love” a beautiful lady writes me a private message. I could tell she was upset with things from her life. I wasn’t sure how to respond to her message but I prayed and answered her. After offering to meet with her; we did and we talked for 4 hours. She was so amazed at how God had moved in mine and Samantha’s relationship. We instantly became friends and she came to church with me the next night and was set free from things that had been bottled up inside. Shortly after this my AC unit to my house decided to go on permanent vacation. This beautiful new friend gave me a window unit she no longer needed to help cool my home.

At the end of July I was contacted by a lady who asked for prayer for her momma. This sweet lady and her family have become such amazing friends. And have blessed Samantha and myself tremendously not only with their friendship but with a weekend at their place at the beach. However on the way there; Samantha’s car broke down. The clamp on the radiator came off and the water leaked out! We had to call for help. But praise God, my nephew picked up Samantha took her to get my Toyota then her car was towed to the shop. We went to the beach and had a great time regardless of the trouble. And on Monday when we picked up the car; we were blessed with no cost on the repair and tow bill.  

This wasn’t the end as on September 6th while driving to work; I realize my car is not sounding right when I tried to crank it and had noticed it for a few days. Thinking is was the starter; I took it by the station to have it checked. Well it was the battery and praise God  it wasn’t the starter! Once again, God steps in and the battery was covered by a warranty.  I am so thankful that it didn’t leave me stranded beside the road and thank God it didn’t die when we drove to Colombia, SC just a week and a half before that.

Through all these trials I have been able to keep my cool and the old me would have totally flaked out. I mean with yelling ugly words, not a pretty picture I know. But with God, there is such a calmness and peace even in the midst of the storms. I told you , there has been such growth in my walk with God and in my life. God has used this blog to teach me about true love. His love for me is the truest of loves as it is unconditional. He allowed His one and only son to die for me; now that is love! I am chosen, wanted and loved; but God has also let me know that He has already chosen my husband. I am not sure when I will meet him but I don’t think it is going to be much longer!!  I couldn’t have a husband before now because I wasn’t ready. That is why I wasn’t able to hold on to anyone in the past. I kept repeating the same old mistakes. My heart had so much hurt that it had to have time to heal for me to be able to move forward into all that God has for me and has for me to do for Him. I thank God for His continued work in my life and preparing and anointing me to be my husbands’ wife, a mother to our children, a grandmother to our grandchildren with many wonderfully blessed years serving Him together.

***Matthew 19:26 – But Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Please excuse my writing tonight but as I have said in the beginning I am not a professional. But I write from the heart as the Holy Spirit guides me. I am real and never want to go back to be that woman that I use to be! I thank God for miracles, because I am one!

To God Be All the Glory, Honor & Praise!

Join me next time as this love story continues!

Much Love to you all!

Donna

 

 

True Love Walk

Dear Friends,

I know it has been a while since I have written and for this I do apologize. I am actually working on writing the summary of this past year and writing also about how God has moved in my life since starting this journey of writing for Him. Please stay tuned and prayerfully if I can slow down enough I will have it posted by the weekend or this time next week. This summary doesn’t mean that I will not be writing still. I am praying about the direction in which He wants me to go with this blog, for it is His!

To God Be All the Glory, Honor & Praise!

Much Love to You All,

Donna

Busy Days- Missing You

Good evening to you all. I know I haven’t written in a couple of weeks but I plan to do so soon. Life has gotten busy with preparing for school to begin. Prayerfully after the first few weeks after school starts things will calm down and perhaps I can then get home earlier so I can write. For the time being please check out my latest post for God on the Emerge Ministries website at emerge4unity.org      https://emerge4unity.org/2017/08/22/whats-love-got-to-do-with-it/

To God Be All The Glory, Honor & Praise, Amen!

Much Love to You All,

Donna

A Daughter’s Forgiveness – True Unconditional Love

This post is extremely difficult to share but praise God for changing me! I am not who I use to be!

For the past few months I had asked Samantha to let me know if she would like to go anywhere special for her birthday. But with no paychecks in the summer and all the issues that occurred with our cars and our home AC unit; our outings are limited. Her request was to visit a town in Georgia named Flowery Branch. I was going to do what I needed to for her to have a wonderful birthday; and after much discussion we decided to wait on that trip until Christmas. So she decided on a day-trip and it was absolutely a wonderful fun-filled day! I am so thankful that she chose to spend her special day with me!  

Yesterday August 4th, my gorgeous daughter Samantha and I took that day trip to Durham for her birthday to visit a mall she had not been to since she was about 9 years old. She has asked for years to lets go find it, but I couldn’t remember the name of the mall or where it was; except around Durham. After some research and viewing pictures online; we chose what looked like the place which was The Streets of Southpoint. All she wanted was to visit this place, get cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory and eat dinner at Logan’s Roadhouse. So we shopped a little then visited the Cheesecake Factory for some delicious out of this world cheesecake and were just in awe of the sites we saw at The Streets of Southpoint. Once we left Durham; with no Logan’s Roadhouse on our route; we detoured through Goldsboro on the way home to eat dinner at her favorite restaurant.

With Samantha’s birthday and wanting to do something really special for her; this week has been extremely busy. I put together what started out as a blanket but ended up being a handmade quilt for Samantha’s 24th birthday. Needless to say, I have never done anything like this before.The top was made from old t-shirts that she had worn over the years from the time she was a little girl all the way through high school. There was a lot of love, care and hours put into this handmade quilt. It’s not perfect; but I have always told her that nothing I do is perfect; but at least I try. But she said she didn’t care because it was made with love. Then this morning when I woke up and we were talking about her birthday, I told her she was so spoiled. She chuckled and said “Yes I am”! She was so happy and excited over our day together yesterday and her handmade quilt. So excited, that she took it with her to show her grandparents (my mom and dad) on our visit. I am sad to say that she hasn’t always known that her momma loves her because I didn’t always show love towards her.

In my prayer closet this morning, God reminded me that the amazingly wonderful time that Samantha and I had yesterday has not always been a part of our life. We laughed, sang, talked about God and we had so much fun! But over the years it has taken a long time to get here because I was hateful, controlling and I mistreated her  physically, emotionally, and mentally. It has taken a lot for her to forgive me for the things that I have done and said to her; and even the relationships that I have exposed her to. She recently told me that she has just been able to forgive me within the past couple of years; that it took her a while. But in seeing God move in my life and the changes that she has seen within me; she was able to let go of the hurt and pain and truly love me. Thank God I am not who I use to be; not even who I was in January of this year.

In 2010 when I left my 3rd husband to move to our now present home I was a wreck. Although I had accepted Christ into my life in 2008 and was attending church regularly, my life wasn’t an example of what a relationship with Christ should be. I was a poor example of a Christian! The anger that I had towards my now ex-husband just came with me when we moved and the sad part is; Samantha was the only one around so she caught the brunt of everything. Feeling as if I had lost everything in my life and feeling like a complete failure; especially since I was headed towards divorce number 3, I was angry and tried to control everything in Samantha’s life. I think now it was a way that I felt perhaps if I controlled her; then she would never walk away from me. For it seemed everyone had always done just that! But the reality of it was I was pushing her away with my anger and controlling ways.

We have always pretty much done everything together over the years and everyone said we were best friends. But the truth is I think perhaps she was afraid to tell me she didn’t want to do stuff with me for fear of me hurting her in some way. It’s sad to think this; but it’s true. When she finally tried to stand up for herself in my outburst of anger; I remember getting so mad with her calling her names, telling her to shut up and I remember grabbing her by the throat with my hands. Once I realized what I was doing; I let go, cried and immediately apologized, for I would never intentionally hurt her!  Every time I did anything to hurt her; I felt horrible and never wanted to leave her for a fear that something would happen to her. Guilt overwhelmed me!

For the life of me; I couldn’t understand how I could hurt the most precious gift that God had given to me on this earth! I have since come to realize as my relationship with God has grown that it wasn’t me; it was what was in me that did all these horrible things! On February 2, 2014, I was delivered from that deep rooted anger during a church service. I have written about this deliverance in a earlier post. I also have been delivered within the past year from that controlling spirit.

I realized that both of these were generational curses that had to be broken off of my life to keep them from being passed to Samantha and future generations. Although I was delivered; satan didn’t want to let me go. I wish I could say that since that day in 2014 that I have never had another outburst of anger; but I can’t. In Matthew 12:43-45 it speaks of when an evil spirit leaves a person it tries to return and believe me it does. Each day we have to choose to walk in the ways of the Lord and it can be difficult but God always provides a way. It has been a spiritual battle but God is greater and He won! Today I walk in freedom from bondage that had me bound for what seems like forever! There is a sense of peace and calm within my soul and within my home. As the song goes; it is well with my soul.

***1 John 2:6(NIV) Whoever claims to live in Him must live as Jesus did.

*** John 8:36 (NIV) So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Within the past year since God had me start writing this blog; I have grown so much in my relationship with Him. I am still not perfect and never will I be until He calls me home. But with God, the relationship between Samantha and me is one of true love, respect, admiration, honor and integrity. We can truly say we are proud that we are not only mother and daughter; but we definitely are best friends. It feels amazing to know that my daughter has truly forgiven me and that she knows without a shadow of a doubt that I love her and will always do anything I can for her!

I can’t change the past; but with God I don’t have to live there and the future for Samantha and myself is looking pretty great. God has us both doing a work for Him. We support each other and are each others biggest cheerleaders. And I am so grateful that God gave me such a beautiful gift. Her beauty not only radiates from the outside but from the inside. She is truly a treasure! I Love You Samantha Jo from the bottom of my heart!! 

I don’t know if this will help anyone else; but I do know that it has helped one young woman to be able to forgive her mom and restore their relationship. As I share from my heart; I pray that others learn from my mistakes and know that God is the only way to peace, joy and true love. As the song goes, if you’re tired and you’re weary, there is freedom. Our Heavenly Father is that freedom!  Trust Him today!

**Colossians 3:13

**Matthew 6:14-15

**Ephesians 4:31-32

**1 John 1:9

 To God be All the Glory, Honor and Praise !

Much Love to You All!

Donna

My Hearts Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, as I humbly come before you I thank you for coming to Earth as a human, dying on the cross a painful death and raising on the third day and sending our comforter the Holy Spirit. Father you said where two or more are gathered in your name and we ask according to your will it shall be done! So Father right now I ask that you embrace each and every person that is on my heart and every person that is hurting, sick , anxious, depressed, suicidal, lost, confused, in need, homeless, unloving, unlovable, bitter, angry, unforgiving, or resentful. Father I know it is your will that each of us come to know you as our personal Lord and Savior. And I know that you want to give us life and life more abundantly; and that you died on that cross to heal us from all sickness & disease and for our sins. So I ask Father that angels be petitioned to go and minister to every person that is in need of your touch right now. If they don’t know you as their Lord and Savior that tonight be the night that the Holy Spirit introduce them to Jesus, filling them with a peace and joy like they’ve never known.
Jesus, thank you for dying on the cross so that we might live. And I ask Holy Spirit to come and fill the voids in their heart, as they accept Christ as their Lord and Savior. Father thank you for salvation, healing, restoration, and reconciliation and thank you for the manifestation of all these things. In Jesus Name, Amen!

To God be all the glory, honor & praise, forever!

Much Love to you all,

Donna 

Sticks and Stones

Lately I have had a lot on my mind and been in prayer about things. But today God set me free from unforgiveness that I had been holding on to in which I didn’t realize I was. Satan will do anything and everything to kill, steal and destroy to take you out of the game. He will use the people or things that are dearest to you to cut your legs out from under you. However, I know who wins in the end; God does!

Ever since I was a child I’ve always heard the saying sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you. But I am here to tell you that this is a lie straight from the pit of Hell! Out of our mouth we speak blessings and curses; life or death, depending on what we say. And name calling, talking about others behind their back, critical comments, belittling, disrespectful speech, and throwing someone’s past up are definitely curses. And when doing this we speak death and destruction to that person. And before giving my life to God I was so guilty of these things and even after; until I gained wisdom.

We must be careful with our words and how we speak for not everyone is capable of letting things roll off. If we all could, that would be wonderful. But everyone is different and everyone has a different background and handle things totally different. Hurtful words when not released to God, will play over and over in a person’s mind. Often times we find that some traumatic event from a person’s childhood has left them scarred. And we can’t look at someone and tell what they have gone through. A person who appears to be strong could possibly be the person that needs an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to care enough to pray for and with them. I know, because I have been that person!

When you are hurt from rejection and critical comments, etc. there is such a deep pain that haunts you constantly. It’s like a reminder telling you that you aren’t good enough; leading to depression. And when you grow up feeling this way and go through one relationship after another and loosing friends who tell you that you aren’t rich enough, after a while you really believe that you are insignificant and unlovable. When your life from childhood through adulthood has been filled with so many negative and emotional happenings; there is a sense of inadequacy, feeling not good enough, and as if everything you do isn’t good enough. And believe me growing up this way was extremely hard. If I had not run from God all these years then my life would have been different, but praise God my life is different now!

Joyce Meyer has a book written called Battlefield of the Mind. That is exactly where the battle is and not in the heart. But the battle between the head and the heart is spiritual warfare. Depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts are straight from Hell and without God we don’t know how to overcome them. And sometimes it gets to the point where you just want to run away or give up. Satan is the one who gives us these thoughts; it’s his way of trying to take us out because he knows God has a huge plan for our lives. It’s been 18 years since someone near and dear to me decided they couldn’t take anymore. I don’t know what was going on but I do know that I too had been down that road of thinking life would be better for everyone if I were just out of the way. But the truth is, everyone isn’t better for they are left dealing with the pain and heartache of loosing someone they love. Unfortunately as the suicidal person; you don’t feel loved because your mind has become so clouded you can’t see straight! God tells us that we can have victory in Him. If the thought doesn’t line up with the Word of God, then reject it and believe and think only on what God’s Word says.

****2 Corinthians 10:4-5 (KJV) For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.

The gathering together of the saints is to uplift, encourage and to pray for one another. Not everyone has family that encourages and prays for them. It’s extremely important to stay plugged into a body of believers as we all need one another on this journey. Life can become extremely difficult at times and what I have realized is that Satan wants us to give up, walk away and be desolate; giving him an advantage. If he can separate us from the saints then who will speak life into us?

****Ephesians 6:18 (MSG) In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

Intercessory prayer is extremely important! And we must keep check on our brothers and sisters for 1Peter 5:8 tells us that we must be alert and of sober mind. Our enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Let us as families and church families be someone that others can come to feeling acceptance and love. We all need someone, but I am here to tell you that a person with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts need your prayers desperately. I know for I have been in those shoes and without the prayers of my Pastors and my daughter I wouldn’t be alive today. It could be your love and prayers that set things in motion for true freedom as was in my case.

If you happen to be thinking right now; perhaps I have been that person that has been critical, judgmental, or perhaps thrown someone’s past in their face just ask for forgiveness from them and our Father. This life is too short to walk around making others feel unworthy. Perhaps the journey of life for that person has put them into that place where they are at a breaking point. Would you want to think that your comment could have possibly been the straw that broke the camels back? When satan has us bound; it’s difficult to see a way out when you keep getting pounded. Speak life to this person and not death. Pray for others instead of talking about them or judging them. And if they come into the church dressed inappropriately; then at least they are in the church and God will deal with everything else! Don’t reject them for they may never want to set foot in church again or have anything to do with God! Would you want to have their blood on your hands? We are all called into the ministry, not to just sit in church. We are to win souls for God’s Kingdom, not push them away.

When people are down right rude, disrespectful, throwing up things &people from our past, belittling us or even talking about us behind our back; we are to forgive them! Holding on to the bitterness, hurt, hate and pain only harms us and steals our joy; sometimes leading us into that depression, anxiety and into those suicidal thoughts. And we must remember its not the person but what is inside that is causing them to do these things. But to have life and life more abundantly; what we have to do is forgive them, pray for a heart change for you and them and have faith in God for He will work all things to the good of those that love Him. Faith makes all things possible; although not easy! Forgiveness is a choice! If we don’t forgive; then our Father can’t forgive us.

Pastor Jim has shared with us several times a poem by Pastor Roys Hicks, Sr..”There are two natures within my breast, One is cursed and one is blessed. One I love, and one I hate. The one I feed will dominate. This is so true as the battle of the spirits rage within us. We have the choice to be our old self or the new creation with Christ. Although our flesh is under our feet; the war of the spirits rage. And if we aren’t careful the flesh will rise at an impromptu time. Will you allow God to move and use you to speak life into those around you and into those who are hurting and running from Him? Everyone needs someone in their corner and I thank God that He blessed me with my spiritual family!

If you are hurting today and need someone to pray with you, please comment with your contact information and I will contact you. I know what it feels like to feel all alone, unworthy, rejected and unloved; as we can feel this even in the midst of a crowd. You don’t have to walk around feeling unwanted and unloved. I love you but God loves you more and desires for you to have life more abundantly and with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! And He makes beauty from our ashes!!

****Matthew 11:28-30“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

To God Be All the Glory, Honor & Praise, Forever, Amen!

Much Love to You All!

Donna 

The End of a Journey But the Beginning of Life

When I ended the story a few weeks ago I told you that Samantha and I had moved into our present home after leaving my now ex-husband. I was a mixed bag of emotions from being mad, sad, hurt, depressed, confused, to angry. Crushed because everything had happened like it did as I had so hoped for our marriage to work out and finally have a big family. But things didn’t quite work out that way. As I look back now, I’m not sure if I was more upset over the separation and moving or the fact that I didn’t have control over everything. One thing for sure was I felt like a complete failure as I was heading for divorce number 3.

When we moved I was already working with the school system and going to college part time. I had to give up college because it was just too much on me at that time. But it was during Thanksgiving break our home was almost ready and I told Samantha to get some of her clothes and we would spend the night at our new place. I wasn’t ready to move yet because some things still needed to be completed and I figured if we moved in it would never get done. But when we got to our now home I realized she had brought every piece of clothing she owned! When I asked her why, she simply stated she wanted to get out and didn’t want to go back because she was tired of the way things had been. Unfortunately our kids are the ones who suffer the most when we make those selfish and irresponsible decisions and behave irrationally.

He helped us get settled in and moved the items that I had purchased and stored in the outbuilding for me. I didn’t take anything from the home except Samantha’s bedroom suite as I wanted to make sure he had everything that he needed to have a furnished home. Because when I met him; his apartment was bare and regardless of what had happened, I didn’t have the heart to clean him out. I did love him and wanted him to have everything that he needed. He helped us financially for quite some time and still helps in little ways that he can for he said he would always help Samantha any way possible. But I was so upset that I had to leave my beautiful home I had worked so hard in and not to mention my huge kitchen. For the one I have now is almost too small to change your mind in, but praise God, I have a home.

After just a couple of weeks here at our new place; I remember Samantha telling me that our old single wide mobile home felt like home and that she missed it. Then she said that our other house we had just left never felt like home and that our new place felt more like home than that house ever did. She was absolutely right! As much as I loved that house it never felt like home to me either; it was a place to stay and a roof over our heads. Marriage was short lived with all the trouble we had with my sickness and attitude, jealousy of kids and everything else that went on. As I stated in an earlier post; I wasn’t ready to be married and I never should have married him. It wasn’t the right time and it definitely wasn’t fair to him or either of our girls! But praise God we are still friends. There was definitely healing that needed to take place within me before I ever said I Do! And I needed to know the true meaning of love and what marriage is all about.

Two years passed before I even considered dating anyone. Just before our divorce was final I started seeing someone. However I shouldn’t have until my divorce was final because when you are still married by law you are still married in Gods eyes; therefore I was committing adultery. Even though the divorce was almost final and I was seeing someone; I just found it hard to let go of my husband. I remember continuously asking him, are you sure this is what you want; can’t we seek counseling and work it out! Of course he was done and wanted no part of trying to salvage the marriage. I think deep down I was hoping that the time apart would cause him to miss me and want me. But I know now that it was that longing to have someone and be married and not have divorce number three take place.

I wasn’t sure if I was upset over divorcing him or the fact that it was going to be divorce number three for me. However I felt like a complete failure and that I would never have a marriage work. And you know what?…. with that type of attitude and stinking thinking, I most definitely can’t! But God moves mountains and heals emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually when we allow Him to do so. Once we completely accept Him and surrender, then He is able to make beauty from our ashes. However, at this point I wasn’t quite there yet!

This entire time I was going to church and working on my relationship with God and many miracles had taken place in my life but I still had a ways to go. God has truly had his hands full molding and shaping me! But jumping into a dating relationship at this time was detrimental to my walk. For I strayed and not only was I committing adultery, but fornication too! And oh how the struggle between the spirits was completely overwhelming! The relationship with this guy got really nasty and only lasted a few months but then I turned right around and jumped into dating an old friend. He’s the one that had given me the expensive engagement ring that I gave back and I told you about this in an earlier post. Then a year later I ran into a dear precious old friend and we dated for only a short while. But although I was divorced and had been for 2 years he felt like he was being compared to my ex because of things I said. I never meant for it to come out that way. I guess I just had to have healing in my entire being before I could move forward in my life. I have since learned that there is no man on this earth that can make me happy or love me like my Father! Happiness comes from within, no person, all the money in the world nor anything can make you happy….but a personal relationship with the Father is what it takes!

***** 1 Corinthians 6:18 -20-Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, who you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

I’ve realized that you can’t move on until your heart is completely healed. Perhaps after two years of separation you would think you would be healed but when you have extremely deep pain from childhood on up, it takes a while to allow God to heal all those scars and create within you a new, tender and loving heart. God knew my heart and He knew that no marriage would ever work out for me until I was completely healed from the inside-out from every single thing that had hurt me in my past.

During the past seven years God has healed me from all my deep rooted anger, jealousy, rage, bitterness, hatred, spitefulness, envy, selfishness, a controlling spirit, hatefulness, all sickness & diseases, heartache, depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. He has created in me a new heart and has given me life. Not to say that satan, who is out to steal, kill and destroy doesn’t prowl around trying to convince me otherwise; but I know who I am. I am the daughter of the King, the most High God who has turned my mourning into dancing and turned my sorrow into joy!

God is still molding and shaping me, as I am not perfect and will not be until He calls me home to be with Him. But when I fall; I am quick to repent and I get back up brush myself off and go again. I do not want to do anything to displease my Father but to do everything so that He may receive all the glory, honor and praise. My life didn’t change overnight after accepting God as my Savior and yes I stepped out of His will more times than I care to admit. But He never let me go! Praise God!!!

Being healed & delivered from smoking, addiction to prescription drugs and not tithing properly during the Health & Wealth Conference when Jeremy Laborde prayed with me was an eye-opening experience. I will tell you more about this soon and about the physical touch I received from God while praising Him at the alter one Sunday morning! Oh WOW, was that awesome! From cleaning the church, working in the nursery, helping with VBS, dancing on the praise team, doing skits for the Women’s Conference, and praising & worshipping Him freely; every day I love Him more and more. And I know He has huge plans for me!

*****Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Join me next week as I tell you a little more of my story and my walk to true love as God continues to mold & shape me!

To God be all the Glory, Honor & Praise Forevermore!

Much Love to you All,

Donna

Light VS Dark

Walking along the beach last weekend I was reminded as I looked at the sea shells upon the sand that the world is made up of many different people. We are of different ethnicity, races, sex and religions but God loves every one of us. He may not be pleased with our ways or what we do sometimes; but that doesn’t stop His love for us. And it most definitely doesn’t’ stop Him from trying to reel us back in when we start to stray. The correction of our Father can be tough; but much needed and in my case much wanted! 

When we truly commit our life to God; we change from the inside out. My heart and my life are so extremely opposite from where I use to be. I gave my life to Christ in 2008 but He has had His hands full molding and shaping me. The journey to where I am today has been tough but I thank God that He never gave up on me and left me where I was. And just because you accept God as your Savior doesn’t mean you are an instant know it all nor does it mean you will never take a fall. We are saved by grace through Gods mercy; which doesn’t give us permission to sin; but gives us the grace to repent when we do.

***2 Peter 3:9 –  The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.

In 2006 when gas prices went through the roof instead of driving to Wallace every day for work; I started working within the school system doing a interim position. Then I became a substitute teacher. It was during this time that I decided to go to college; I wanted to make something of myself. Thinking too that if I got my degree that my husband would see that I am somebody and our marriage would change. He was proud of me for working and going to school, but I was so overly consumed with perfection in my school work that when we were trying to work out our marriage I had no time for him or my daughter. Many days they rode off on the motorcycle to visit my family and I didn’t have time. Between school and medications my life was consumed and I had shut out everyone. Sadly, I too had taught my daughter that all men are dogs as I use to say this all the time and she picked it up and started saying it. WOW, how irresponsible that was of me and extremely damaging!

As I told you last time Samantha started walking to church in 2007, than I started going too. And we were baptized in February 2008. And just a couple of weeks after we came home from church one Sunday we found that my step-daughter and her precious baby girl had moved out. My husband found it convenient and moved into that bedroom once again. I couldn’t see it at that moment but God was working on the situation. Although he had moved out of our bedroom; we started talking more since our step-daughter was gone. It was during this time that I made friends at the church and had started going to a women’s meeting on Wednesday mornings. Three wonderful women became my cheerleaders to cheer me on and pray for me as I grew in Christ. Without out there support I do not know what would have happened.

During this time God gave me writing ability of poetry and a vision of a special camp for underprivileged children, exceptional children and battered & abused women. I drew this out and still have the drawing. I haven’t given up and I am still believing for this place and I know it is 30 acres. God will provide! It was during this time that I wrote “My Angel of God” and shared partial testimony with my friends. God was working on me; but satan was not letting go that easily. A new Christian who didn’t know anything about God, except I knew there was one, I wasn’t very clever to the tricks of the enemy.

Thinking I was doing right all the while I was doing wrong! My husband wouldn’t go to church with us and I just had to show him all his wrong. I was trying to show him the specks in his eyes while I couldn’t see the planks in mine! I was constantly telling him about what the Bible says and highlighted scriptures in the Bible and would leave it laying around in hopes that he would read it. All the while I was completely doing wrong! You can’t win someone’s love and teach about God by cramming it down their throats, especially when you don’t know anything yourself!  You see God can’t move if we don’t let Him in. We have to get out buts out of the way so He can!

However, God graced me when Samantha and I started going to church at Mt. Zion PFWB in Pink Hill, NC. My parents started going with us and when we had an open mic Sunday; Samantha and I were to sing. During this time my husband and I were not where we needed to be; but God was working. We asked him to come hear us sing and he did. This was a beginning as he started coming to church and he gave his life to God. Then we started the Love Dare class on Wednesday nights; but unfortunately softball season started and that was his life. Between practice, games and coaching on the side; there was no time for Love Dare studies or working on a marriage. Church became a distant thing to him and so did I. When he had given his life to God that Sunday morning, I remember him turning around holding me tight at that alter telling me that he loved me! Oh, happy words and he moved back into our bedroom; but between life and his career and my bickering; he soon moved out of our room again. I was in a total loss and outraged as he became so distant once again and I felt like a complete failure. Not sure if I was angrier with him or the fact that I was headed towards a third divorce. Again, here I took control and didn’t allow God to be God! 

That deep anger came out one day as I was arguing with him and I attacked him. It was as if I blanked out or snapped and had become someone else; as if something had taken over me! I realize now it was a demonic spirit that was in control. When I snapped out of this and realized I had hurt him, I was so emotionally distraught and I remember begging for his forgiveness. He just wanted me to leave him alone and the truth is I don’t blame him! It was then I knew I needed help; I needed prayer! I called my three friends, they came over and I told them what had happened. They comforted and calmed me down, praying for me and for my husband (although he had left). I had never snapped like that before and never want too again! I then started therapy and was put on medication. But since then I have been delivered; God has worked a miracle in my life!

Church became a thing of the past for Samantha and myself as we stopped going. I think I had given up because it didn’t seem I was getting any better nor my marriage. And I had tried to teach a youth class and once again I felt like a complete failure as these kids didn’t want to learn; they had no interest whatsoever. What I didn’t realize was that God is not a magic genie and a happy life is not dependent on someone else. My happiness is dependent on me and my joy comes from the Lord. I also didn’t realize that a walk with God is not an overnight ordeal; it takes time to grow in Christ by being intimate with Him. Then we can step out and teach others about Him. Boy did I have a lot to learn!!!

But praise God for He sends people our way all the time. We were car shopping for Samantha and one of my sweet sisters whom I had not seen in a while, that I use to go to the prayer meetings with had a car for sale. We tried it out but it was not for us; however she told us of a church with lots of youth and Samantha’s best friend attended it. She said, “Mommy can we go Sunday”? And of course I said yes and we’ve been going ever since! God gave me a church family and a spiritual Mom and Dad who love me regardless of my imperfections. Agape Life Family Church family has helped me grow and learn of who God really is. Although, I had found a church family to pour into me; my husband had no desire to ever attend a church with me again. He said he had forgiven me and we started working on our marriage once again; taking a family vacation in VA with a family motorcycle ride in the mountains. So much fun, but things just didn’t feel as they should between us. The damage that had been done was irreversible and only a God centered marriage could survive this and it takes three to make it work, God –husband & wife. Although I wanted too, he had no desire to seek marriage counseling not even with the pastor. 

After our vacation, things went downhill and by Christmas he once again had moved out into his own room. He was rarely home, staying out late at work or wherever and when he was home he stayed in his bedroom. It was then walking by his bedroom many times and seeing his phone laying on the bed beside him, I just knew he had to be seeing someone. So one day when Samantha was gone I ran in and grabbed his phone and ran back to my bedroom with it. All while he was trying to get in to get it. I didn’t know how to use his phone; but somehow I got in. And when I did, I was devastated! All my suspicions were possibly correct. But I know now I pushed him away and I drove him to find comfort elsewhere. I can’t say that I blame him because I was not a wife that anyone would have wanted at that time! It was then that I requested my car be put in my name and find a place for Samantha and myself to stay! I wanted out! I couldn’t do it anymore!  So we found our little house in the woods and moved here in 2010 after it was remodeled and a few things taken care of.

Thank God Samantha and I had started attending Agape Life Family Church the year before for now I had a spiritual Father and Mother to talk with and pray for me. God knew I was really gonna need them!

***Isaiah 43:19 – Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.

He is really a good man but he was never meant to be my husband as our relationship wasn’t God centered. And as you see our marriage wasn’t God ordained and I shouldn’t have said yes knowing that I wasn’t ready. This all shows you how going against God can be so devastating not only for one person but for many! But God makes beauty from ashes!!! We became friends after our divorce and would now do anything we can to help one another.

*** Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Join me next time as I share a little more of how God came in and changed me from the inside out….

To God Be All the Glory, Honor & Praise!

Much Love To You All,

Donna

Dear Future Son-in-Law — A Prayer

Dear Future Son in Law,
I don’t know who you are yet but my daughter has been handpicked by God to be your wife. I pray for the anointing for you to husband her and lead your family the way God has intended. I pray for you my sweet daughter the anointing to wife your husband and the anointing on you both to parent your children. May you grow together in your calling for our Heavenly Father, winning many souls for His Kingdom. May God be glorified in all you do and may everything you touch and do prosper. May your love for one another grow stronger day by day with God always being first in each of your lives. Remember God first, spouse second and children last…. out-of-order will cause disaster within your marriage. Pray together & for each other, praise & worship together, study the Word together, keep a date night, bring her flowers just because, hug & kiss each other often and let the kids see you so they know you love one another, respect one another, never go to bed angry, dance & dance in the rain, laugh lots, and say I love often, take those walks together hand in hand, and swing on the porch swing together and play. Enjoy each other and my grandbabies, for life is short & never take a day or each other for granted. Keep the family together, when things get tough fight on your knees with prayer! Love God first, love each other & love my grandbabies!

Future Son in Law take care of my baby girl!!

In Jesus Name I Pray, Amen!

Love,

Your Future Mother-in-Law

A prayer from my heart for my daughter’s future… I Love You Samantha!

June 7, 2017

A Glimmer of Light in the Darkest of Days

For many years I pretty much invited satan into my home to take everything I had. However, the way my life went for most of my years he didn’t have to take it, I practically handed everything to him on a gold platter. But now I am at a point in my life where I’m tired of everything being taken and I’m tired of giving it away. I want my stuff back! The fight is on!

As I continue to be the hands, feet and voice for God as the Holy Spirit leads me, please keep me in your prayers. This is no easy task revealing your deepest darkest secrets for everyone to see. And the spiritual battle is real but with God I can do all things for He gives me strength.

I look back at last fall when I began this journey; reluctantly I might add. And from then until now I see growth within myself. Praise God I am not who I was then or even 2 months ago! But I’m still not where I want to be.  I am ever so grateful that God loved me so much to never give up me and for changing my heart; hence changing my life! When He asked me to share my life story I didn’t want too. I saw no purpose in it and was terrified of what people would say about me. But as I have written I have come to a point where I don’t care what others think; I only care what my Father in Heaven thinks of me. Satan has fought me every step of the way to keep me from sharing. But praying that my story would help at least one person; I have come to realize that it is making a difference and having an impact for His Kingdom. He is using my obedience to Him to heal my heart from all the pain of my past. And He is preparing me for my future. Most importantly He is showing the world what He can do! And I write for Him so he can receive all the glory, honor and praise!

Father reduce me and increase you!

****Joshua 1:9 (NIV) “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Just this past week God let me know the impact my obedience is having on others; that my writing is not in vain. From a co-worker who recently became friends with me on Facebook I received a beautiful hand-painted gift (pictured below). She has been reading my post on Facebook and she was inspired to paint something that she said describes me. The Mason jar is a theme from our school that stands for amazing, the butterfly is a sweet spirit that flies around, and the beauty of flowers I love dearly. Then at church Sunday morning a beautiful sister told me that she loves reading my Facebook post. And she said that she’s so amazed at the heart change God has done in me, she can see the growth. And that some Christians post things on Facebook, but she knows my post are genuinely from the heart. Before I could leave church Pastor Joyce told me that she too loves reading my blog. And that she is proud of me for doing what I am doing for God. Then Sunday night another sweet sister let me know she sat one day and read every blog post that I have written. She said she just couldn’t stop reading it and that she knows that my testimony has to help many. And she ended by saying that it takes a lot of courage to share so much. She is absolutely right and I have never had that courage; but with God all things are possible!  God knows what we need when we need it and He is always right on time. And I desperately needed to know that what I am doing for God is making a difference.

I most definitely can’t change my past; but I can make sure that my future is much brighter. With God in control and not Donna, life is and will continue to be amazing.

Now the story continues……. Last week I shared with you that I married for the third time to a very precious man that deserved so much more than what he received. He is a good man that I did not respect as I should have. Not saying that he was perfect and without fault; it’s just the fact that I wasn’t ready to be married and in doing so I played a huge part in damaging lives. When I ended last week, I told you that trying to defend my husband against his daughter I almost hit her for calling me a _ _ _ Bitch. But I also said that out of respect for him as my husband, head of the house and her father I should have allowed him to handle it. I am not proud of who I was back then with my childish behavior that I displayed at times. But God can transform a person’s heart and create beauty from those dirty stinky ashes. Praise God I am not who I use to be!

****Ezekiel 11:19(ESV)”And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh,

****Ezekiel 36:26 (ESV) “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

Our marriage didn’t start out bad; except when I left him at the church on our wedding night, that was extremely bad. We were actually happy and loved one another when we first got married. And when I moved to Richlands he was concerned about my former contacts so he asked me to change my email address and telephone number. I did all of this as he asked because I thought it was the right thing to do; however he never changed any of his. But my life turned completely upside down after I got sick, and our first year together was rough but we were ok. We managed to get through things that came our way. Each year got a little more difficult. And in our second year of marriage my anger, bitterness and depression had grown until I was in a pit so deep I never thought I could get out of it. As my marriage fell apart, the relationship with my step-daughter completely a wreck and my relationship with my own daughter was beginning to be out of sync as I was falling into a deep dark depression. It overtook my life to the point where I hated myself, my daughter, my husband, just everyone. I wanted nothing to do with anybody and had reached a point at one time that I didn’t even want to leave the house and was afraid to drive. I was at an all-time low. I actually wanted to die and had basically given up on life.

While my pain increased in my physical body it affected my mental health too. Three surgeries, menopause, fibromyalgia, restless leg syndrome, arthritis, degenerative disk disease, irritable bowel syndrome, severe depression and anxiety and a marriage on the rocks; I had no control over what was going on and I was so bitterly angry! Mad at the world, I felt I had been dealt a bad hand. Truth was my own decisions and choices had gotten me exactly where I was!

I think everything that had happened in my past and never learning how to deal with rejection and anger really played a big part in what was going on. My best friends telling me I wasn’t good enough and dumping me in elementary school and being bullied then the abuse I had endured had some lasting effects. Then being a single mom and in control of everything for so many years, it was difficult letting go of being the one in charge. So, when things went spinning out of control in my life; I tried holding on any way possible including being manipulative. Little did I realize I was pushing him away which created a cycle of feeling rejected, deep depression, more pain, and more anger. It was a vicious cycle of pain leading to anger and depression, then the depression and pain leading to even more anger that became like a time bomb ticking in me.

Our home had become a hell with no one getting along as there was so much disrespect displayed in that house towards one another. I was tired of living in so much turmoil and I couldn’t even see the pain that my daughter was in. It wasn’t just me with issues, she was being treated unfairly in the home to the point where she was inducing self-harm. But I was so out of it; I didn’t have a clue. It was during this time that I was going to college at night and doing online classes. I had a break from everything; but she was still there in it. Needless to say the arguing wasn’t just between my ex and myself as my daughter was left there hearing my ex and his daughter argue. Praise God for He kept my daughter alive during her self-harm. I can’t go into her testimony but she will at some point soon.

Living in a home where no one will talk to you as they walk past you was extremely tough. We lived under the same roof but we didn’t operate as a family; shoot we didn’t even operate as friends. Married but all alone, I felt more alone than I did when I was single. I just wanted my husband to love me and I felt like I was in competition. However, now I realize I can’t blame him for not wanting to be around me; I had put him in a very terrible position and I know I was disrespectful to him.  He felt like he had to choose between his daughter and me because she didn’t want any part of me for I had come in and things had changed. Although I wasn’t ready for marriage in the beginning; once we were married I was excited as I thought now I had two more daughters and I wanted us to be family. I had always wanted a big family! Didn’t quite work out that way; they had one mom and one mom was all they wanted!

My ex looked at me one day and told me I was crazy and so did his daughter. At that time I didn’t think so but honestly I had lost my mind. With everything going on and all the arguing all the time my nerves were completely shot! I was a complete wreck!!! The doctor had put me on so much medication and I had become addicted. One medication led to another as the side effects keep increasing another medication had to cover the side effects of another. I had given up and just wanted to be put somewhere or die. I reached an all-time low when I went in for psychological testing. I manipulated the answers on some of those questions so that it would appear I was worse than I really was. I wanted my husbands sympathy so bad and thought perhaps he would care if he thought I really had a problem as he had told me that all of my pain was in my head. Praise God regardless of what I did the test still turned out ok! God was in control and watching out for me! As I have said I am not proud of things I did and no I am not crazy. However, at that time my buttons had been pushed to the max and I was on the verge of a total breakdown. Third marriage, I didn’t want a third divorce! I felt like a complete failure and I couldn’t fix it and I wanted to fix our family and be a family, all of us!

What hurt me really bad was when he told me that I had waited until we were married to get sick! Like I had planned it! Wow, that hurt because if I could have had my way about it I most definitely wouldn’t have chosen what I had to go through. I know now that he never meant what he said; he was hurt and I realize we all say things that we don’t mean when we are hurt and angry when we react in the flesh. I know that I did and I hurt him tremendously. During all of this I had applied for disability due to all my sicknesses but God knew better and had a greater plan as it was denied.

After 2 years of living in such devastation, Samantha found out about a Walk the Line lock-in that was to take place in Beulaville and she begged to go. Thank God, I took her and her friend Heidi. It was there that she gave her life to God and then she started walking to church. When she started singing in the choir she asked me to go hear her sing; after a while she asked me to join her in the choir because she knew my love of singing. It’s after this that I accepted Christ into my life and she and I both were baptized the same day.

I thought once I gave my life to God and was baptized that life would be perfect. As a new Christian I had a lot to learn!

Join me next week as this story continues:

May All the Glory, Honor and Praise be to Our Heavenly Father!

Much Love To You All,

Donna

 

 

 

 

 

 

Third Time Isn’t a Charm

I think it’s much easier to put the blame on someone else when things go wrong in our life. But the truth is usually the one we should blame is the one looking back at us in the mirror; as we are responsible for our own actions and reactions and must take responsibility for such. I have learned that if I don’t seek God’s will and ask Him, then I will make the wrong choices as my life testimony has shown you.

As I sit here and think about my life and the way I see the youth longing to have a partner; I realize I was exactly the same way. However, I thought I had to have someone in my life and was doing whatever it took to find him. I didn’t know that we as women shouldn’t be chasing after the guy. But I thank God for my pastors for I have learned a lot in church and in studies that I have done. Girls just remember you are not the pursuer; you are to be pursued!

I am really praying that my testimony opens the eyes of many and that they be saved from a tragic marriage all because they didn’t seek God’s will for their life. Back in March when I wrote “The Dance of Darkness” I ended with telling you that Samantha had been wanting a daddy extremely bad. And I told you that through online chat rooms and night clubs I had met many people. However, when someone would become interested I tried to find something wrong with them because I didn’t want them to get close enough to see that deep rooted anger that I had. And I was manipulative, childish and threatened suicide when things didn’t go my way. I realize now that I never learned how to deal with rejection, criticism and my feelings of not being good enough. Growing up poor and being picked on in school was difficult and then when my best friends dumped me I really felt like I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t know at that time that my worth was not based off of what man thought but who I am in Christ. But this was before I knew God. And as you know at 15 years old I went through the motions; but never walked the walk…. I was on the run from God.

Living in Potters Hill when Samantha was about 10 years old; a very precious man came into our lives and he was so persistent. I tried my best to run him off and he kept coming back; wouldn’t take no for an answer. Samantha loved him so very much and he loved her and took up so much time with her. But his daughters were a different story as I could tell they were not so welcoming towards me. I know that their dad had been their world since their mom died. It was difficult but he assured me that the girls were away at college and they were fine with him dating me. I just never felt like I was good enough for them and felt they didn’t think I was either.

It was a world wind romance; getting engaged after about 5 months of dating. However, when we discussed the wedding I wanted to wait a year and he didn’t. He was in a hurry and wanted to get married soon. I knew that I wasn’t ready, but I listened to everyone tell me how much he must love me because when I tried to run him off he kept coming back. So we found a house and started remodeling. Working all day, planning a wedding, painting at nights and weekends wore me out. He had no idea of the medical issues that I had, but in December the house was ready and we moved in. In January we were married and little did we know that our lives were about to get turned upside down.

We had no honeymoon because it was an extremely cold winter and the week before our wedding the pipes had frozen and burst at the place we were suppose to stay. The wedding was beautifully planned from the icicles lights to snowflakes with a snowflake wedding cake. However, when you have too many hands in anything something is bound to go wrong and the way everything happened that night I should have known from the start it was going to be a struggle. After the wedding it was time for our dances and all the fun festivities. But when we went to change into more comfortable clothing someone decided to start cleaning up. Wedding cake got thrown into the trash, we didn’t even get a slice and we never finished out festivities. But since everything got trashed we decided to pack it up and just got home.

It was cold and raining and we had not driven out together to the church. So when I got into the Toyota ready for home, I forgot to wait for one very important thing before Samantha and I left! Yep!! I left the groom at the church! When he realized I was gone; he was already locked out of the building and it was freezing and pouring rain. When I drove up into the driveway at home I said “oh crap”! Samantha asked me what was wrong and I told her I left my husband at the church! I immediately realized he had brought his vehicle home at some point and I didn’t know it. My parents had followed me home to take items from the wedding so I sent my dad to pick him up. Boy I felt like a dog and I could never live that one down. I can only imagine now how he must have felt!

Being married was an adjustment since I had been alone for almost 10 years. Trying to get use to someone being around all the time was a little tough but I was happy to be married and have someone with me. I knew that I married too quickly but I was going to try my best. A few weeks after our wedding one morning I got up and couldn’t use my right arm. All the painting that we had done had caused extreme pain in my arm, neck and shoulder. After being referred to several specialist; I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis, the neurologist said my spine looked like a 7o something year olds, and I had bone spurs and disk herniation’s. Now here I am not able to go to work for a while, newly married, dealing with pain, being put on medications for the pain, going to physical therapy, then to pain management for steroid injections. At first it was my lower back; then after my back surgery and issues flared up again I had to have the injections in my neck. But anyway with everything going on I was put on several medications that I eventually got hooked on. But before that let me back up. During the time I was trying to find out what was going on and trying to get well. It was about a year before they ever did the first surgery trying to keep from operating. I was depressed, going through menopause, gaining weight due to the steroids, and just extremely unhappy as I was so use to being able to be on the go. Needless to say my depression had an effect on him and I wasn’t the most pleasant of people when I was hurting.

My then youngest step-daughter dropped out of college and begged to come home. I gave her my mobile home to live in and she stayed there for a while but soon she was in our home. I could feel the tension; the jealousy and it was difficult especially since I was sick. However, I know now that I didn’t’ make things any easier for us. I was selfish and wanted him all to myself and didn’t want to share. But unfortunately I felt that is exactly how his girls felt too. And I understand it now because he was all they had since their mom died when then were young. I didn’t understand at that time. I had a vision of how marriage was to be and it wasn’t going that way. Reality is a lot different from what we can dream up.

There was an incident that took place and he was being cussed at by his daughter and I didn’t like it so I took up for him. Not wanting to see her talk ugly to him, I intervened and almost hit her when she called me a _ _ _ Bitch. As head of the house and her father and out of respect for both of them I should have allowed him to handle it. I was wrong and I am not proud of what I did by no means. This was the start of a difficult few years as I had put him in a difficult position between his daughter and myself. I was an adult but I sure didn’t act like it as you will see as my story continues next week. He is a good man with beautiful girls but there was a lot I just didn’t understand at that time and my anger grew even deeper!

Praise God I am not who I use to be!

****Ephesians 5:21 (NIV) Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

****Colossians 3:18-19 (AMP) Wives, be subject to your husbands (out of respect for their position as protector, and their accountability to God) as is proper and fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives (with an affectionate, sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best for them) and do not be embittered or resentful toward them (because of the responsibilities of marriage).

****Philippians 2:4 (AMP) Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

To God Be All The Glory, Forever!….Amen!

XOXOXO,

Donna

 

Mother (A Poem for my Mama in Honor of Her on Mother’s Day)

MOTHER

M is for the moments you held me tight showing mercy, grace & love even when I didn’t act right.

O is for the times I was oblivious but yet  you loved me still as I never want to forget.

T is for teaching me about working hard and giving me advice so I could stand strong & to support myself in this life.

H is for helping me when I couldn’t help myself; for holding my hand to gently guide me along and teaching me to stand.

E is for every moment that you encouraged me to do my best without your pep talks and shoulder to cry on when I was just a child I wouldn’t know how to encourage the rest.

R is for the Respect due you that I often have failed to give for your beauty shines through with every day that you live!

You are truly an amazing Mom; a wonderful person! God knew I would be difficult and hard to handle so He blessed me with a strong, loving and beautiful woman to handle me. I am definitely not the perfect daughter; but thank you for giving birth to me and raising me the best you could. I am truly thankful and blessed to have you as my Mother!  I Love You Mama! 

 

May God watch over you day & night and fill you with an everlasting joy, peace and love that you so deserve.                      

I Love You to Heaven & Back Forever & Ever!

Your Daughter, Donna

****Proverbs 31:25 (NIV) She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

****Exodus 20:12 (NIV) “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”    

 ****Ephesians 6:2 (NIV) “Honor your father and mother” -which is the first commandant with a promise

Happy Mother’s Day!

XOXOXO,

Donna

@truelovewalk.com

 

The Raging War Within – Part 2

My hopes and desires as I share with you is that God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit receive all the glory. And that my sharing will help you to understand the attacks of satan are real and that we have all the power over him. But we must remember that in the midst of the storm; God is our refuge and He is our avenger. As we draw neigh to God and hide His word in our hearts; we learn to use the authority we have been given to command satan to get behind thee in Jesus name.  Jesus was tempted and we will be too, for we are no better than our teacher; the key is to not bend, stay focused keeping those strong roots and use the weapons of our warfare.     2 Corinthians 10

In a recent church sermon; Doctor Barclay stated that the devil will chase us to our graves. The spiritual world is real. And satan says that we will be back with him due to the fact that many Christians have denied that the devil is real and they are out in the world again. Satan sends his demons to steal our money, our health, our family, our friends, our ministry, etc. The demons job is to pound us like sifting wheat to discourage us and cause us to abandon our walk with God. Satan will pull any trick possible to deceive and seduce us to break a hedge; therefore giving him permission to come into our life to break us and our family.

Last week I shared with you that the fiery darts of the enemy were out to destroy my walk with God. And that there were three confirmations that I received before I knew I was to definitely speak at the revival. The first confirmation was on the day I was asked to speak (March 14th) at 5:41 pm my friend Keith posted on Facebook “It is time for you to ARISE and to walk in that which I have called you to walk in, Know that I have called you for such a time as this, Thus saith the Lord”. The second confirmation was a picture on Facebook stating,  “Stop talking yourself our of your Blessings” because I was scared and didn’t want to speak. Then on Thursday morning (March 16th) I read 2 Timothy 4:1-5…. “Preach the Word”. Once I got to work on Thursday, I looked at my devotional calendar for Sunday’s date (March 19th – the day I would give my testimony) and it read: “God has great plans for you. He has important things He wants you to do. And He is preparing you for your destiny right now. But you have to take steps of obedience in order to get there. And you have to trust that He knows the way and wont hurt you in the process.” Wow, has He not let me know that I am to move forward or what?!!  So I wrote Mr. Clifton and agreed to speak at the revival, then I became really sick causing me to miss church that night and work on Friday. I was in bed all day Friday and Saturday then on Sunday morning  still sick and unable to sleep; I woke up at 4:00 am. I prayed and started reading in the Bible. Then when I looked on Facebook I saw a post that read, “It’s working in your favor. You may not see it yet but a way is being made. Mind blowing blessings are on the way. Expect doors to be opened!” (@TonyGaskins). Those blessings were on the way that night as people were set free from bondage after hearing my testimony.

I definitely knew I was to speak at that revival at Community Church. But as I said afterwards those fiery darts came bountifully. I missed church several times due to sickness; even having to have someone cover the nursery for me one day. Then someone tried to convince me that my beliefs were wrong and that my standards were too high. They stated that they had studied theology and that marriage was nothing more than a piece of paper. In their belief sex was ok as long as two people truly loved one another. When I refused to agree with their beliefs it was almost as if every other area of my life was attacked.  I was told that I was trying to earn my way into Heaven by being good. And I felt as if I was being put down for everything that I had been doing for God due to comments that were made. After a few weeks of hearing this; I started to question everything that I was doing. Had God really called me to work in the nursery, to write or be a part of Emerge Ministries!?? I wasn’t sure anymore and could not think straight or function normally. My mind was clouded and I was stressed and overwhelmed.  It seemed I could do nothing right! I had started to believe the lies of the enemy and I broke that hedge with my doubts of who God had called me to be and what I was to do for Him.

The next thing that happened was I wrote a blog post titled “Desiring to Be Loved in the Brokenness.” With that particular post I failed to pray before I wrote it or even before I published it as I was babysitting that weekend and was in a hurry and I wasn’t the most pleasant of persons. I lost my cool when I was writing it. Since then, I remembered something Pastor Joyce has always told me; “If it is of God then there will be peace”. There was no peace that night for me and that post was hurtful to my parents. A comment that I had included appeared as if I wasn’t loved as a child and that is far from the truth as my parents have always loved me. People show love in different ways but people want to be shown in different ways. However the wording in that post came across wrong.  I never meant to hurt anyone; but the enemy came in and caused chaos within my family. My mom was so hurt that it took over a week before she could talk to me and I don’t blame her. Not having her talk to me was extremely devastating. And now I realize all of this was an attack to bring me down; and down I was.

Two days after the post an incident happened at work and to this day I still do not know what happened. My co-worker was extremely snappy towards me when I spoke to her and she became very distant from me the rest of the week. I don’t have a clue as to what was up, but that week was extremely rotten and a lot of fiery darts were being thrown my way by satan and his demons.  With so much going on my body tensed up causing pain all over and anxiety and depression was beginning to overtake me. I felt as if I was not going to be able to continue with anything. I wanted to walk away from my job and completely give up on writing this blog and writing for Emerge Ministries. I knew I was dying mentally, emotionally and spiritually and reached out in a text for prayer to two very precious ladies in my life.  Praise God the next week was a much needed spring break. God gave me time to be alone to repent, refocus and return to my secret place with Him.

…..Exodus 20:12 (NLT) – “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

However, before spring break could hit I spoke with a friend on the phone in whom I cried on. They were trying to explain to me to not take stuff personal and not allow people to get to me; but sensitive me don’t work that way. However, I think what upset me the most is when I told them my mom wouldn’t talk to me; they didn’t wait to hear that it was my fault. The term used was “screw them” and to me this is so wrong on so many levels. The Fifth Commandant says we are to honor our parents so of course I didn’t agree with my friend but said nothing; instead I gave it to God and prayed. But then again as I said, my friend didn’t wait to hear what had happened. I know they had my best interest at heart and I understand this now. But I have come to realize that sometimes when we desire to help others; we may be too quick to speak and perhaps we (myself included) need to listen more.  So dealing with this and everything else, I was a complete and total wreck.

….Matthew 12:37 – “For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Spring break week arrived and I spent time outside and at the beach. God and I had many conversations that week and things started looking better. My mom called me back after I left her a message and I went to visit her. Returning to work the next week; things were fine and dandy between my co-worker and myself and have been since. Out of all the 7 1/2 years I have been there; this was the first time anything like this had happened. But when one thing doesn’t go satan’s way then he tries another as he has attacked my health and my pocketbook. But praise God for He made a way!

I declare the manifestation of healing to my body for I was healed over 2,000 years ago. God says in Mark 5:34 that my faith has made me whole in Jesus Name, Amen!

When satan hits your finances, health, family and ministry; he is testing your faith and your foundation in Christ. My riding mower tore up but my awesome nephew and brother repaired it for me. Then my AC went out on my 2004 Toyota Highlander but praise God one window will still roll down.  It went out after I spoke with the Impact Girls (young girls) group at church about the importance of prayer. And I explained to them how Samantha’s prayers at such an early age were used to change my life and lead me to salvation; affording me a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father. And that if she had not prayed for me, I would not be here today.

Satan came after my finances when I had to pay for my home AC repair, increase in insurance and lawn mower repair;  but God provided! Then Samantha was blessed with a full time position in her dream job. God still providing!  Satan’s attacks were physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, with relationships including family, friends, ministry and work. Although things were extremely tough during this time, it’s ok because within a month I grew in God, standing on His Word in faith. The enemy tried to get me off the course that God has for me because he wants only to destroy me. He just hasn’t realized he is a defeated foe.

I may have had clouded perception and fell for a moment; but praise God I realized the trick of the enemy before he completely destroyed me. I’ve grown in Christ and was able to stand on the Word and keep myself pure; the old me would have never realized what was happening. I praise God for He carried me through the storms and I came out stronger and wiser. Through all of this my mind was clouded but praise God I realized the attack of the enemy and didn’t spiral down as I had in the past but I got back up, quickly! Having God in or out of our life can make a  difference, just as the difference is in night and day.

The scriptures I spoke over myself after I realized I was under spiritual attack are:

Ephesians 6:16 – I can quench all the fiery darts of the enemy with the shield of faith.

Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ Jesus.

James 1:22,25 – I am a doer of the Word and blessed in my actions.

1 Corinthians 6:19 – I am the temple of the Holy Spirit, I am not my own.

Deuteronomy 28:13 – I am the head and not the tail; I am above only and not beneath.

Deuteronomy 28:15-68  & Galatians 3:13 – I am redeemed from the curse of sin, sickness, and poverty.

Colossians 2:7 – I am firmly rooted built up, established in my faith and overflowing with gratitude.

Psalm 66:8 & 2 Timothy 1:9 – I am called of God to be the voice of His Praise.

Isaiah 53:5 & 1 Peter 2:24 – I am healed by the strips of Jesus.

James 4:7 – I am submitted to God, and the devil flees from me because I resist him in the name of Jesus.

2 Timothy 1:7 – For god has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, love and a sound mind.

Galatians 2:20 – It is not I who live but Christ lives in me.

Sharing such intimate details of my life is extremely difficult. However, I pray that with me being real and being so transparent that it will show you that even a seasoned Christian can fall prey to the schemes of the enemy. We must stay in the Word and communicate with our Father to keep that personal relationship intimate. Do not allow the things of this world to keep you so busy that you loose focus of what is important! With all that I have shared now you see that for over a month the raging war within was a battle of the spirits. Satan once again tried to stop me by distracting me……But God!!!

Ephesians 6:12 (AMP)- For our struggle is not against flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this [present] darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly [supernatural] places.

To God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit be All the Glory!

Much Love to you all,

Donna

Remember God Loves You! (John 3:16)

The Raging War Within – Part 1

Just as God provides for the birds of the air, He provides for me. He is my shelter in the storms as I am safely wrapped in His arms and He carries me when I feel I can’t go on. The past month I have had many days that I felt I could not go on.  And I have discovered that not everyone believes in the spiritual warfare that is around us. Attacks are real, but we do not wrestle against flesh and blood but against powers of darkness. And the more we do for our Father; the angrier satan gets and will send those fiery darts to try to take us down.  It’s not people that we battle against but the dark forces of evil in a spiritual realm. As you have most likely noticed I haven’t written in the blog in a few weeks. I have been in the midst of a spiritual battle.

*****Ephesians 6:12-13 – For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

When I started this blog, I did so because God put me on assignment to be His hands, voice, and feet to show others that He is real and desires a personal relationship with them. And my hearts desire is to continue to please God with all that I am. Not only is this assignment to glorify God but He has used this to open my eyes and to heal me from my past so that I may become that mighty warrior that He is calling me to be. I praise God that I am not that person that I use to be; however I am still not where I want to be but God is making me.

It was March 14th my mama’s birthday, I was sick and left work early. While driving home I received a message from Mr. Clifton to call him that he needed to talk to me. So I immediately called him and he asked me to speak at the revival at the Community Church. He told me that he had read my blog and that others need to hear my testimony. Scared to death, I told him that I would pray about it.  I was reluctant because I don’t like to be seen; and I do not like standing in front of people; not to mention I have never stood in front of a church full of people sharing such intimate details of my life. The only thing remotely close was when I shared a small part of my testimony with a small group of women years ago.

Still sick the next day, I stayed home from work and slept all day. But on Thursday I was feeling better and went to work. However from Tuesday to Thursday; I received three conformations so I knew I was suppose to share my testimony. I sent Mr. Clifton a message that day and agreed to speak so he shortly let me know that Sunday night was open. I accepted and then almost immediately I got extremely sick with flu like symptoms. I missed work again on Friday, and then Saturday and Sunday I was still not well. Missing church service Sunday morning; I was determined satan was not going to stop me from speaking because now I knew that is exactly what he was trying to do. I told Samantha I was going to go speak even if I had to share and leave immediately.

The drive to Community Church was a rough one as satan started speaking his lies. Fear overcame me and satan was whispering to me that I wasn’t good enough to stand in front of that church behind that pulpit. I almost turned around and went home but I just couldn’t. We reached the church and went inside. Then Judy and Terry came in and sat with Samantha and myself. Trying to not appear afraid; God spoke to Judy and told her to pray with me and give me a message. With praise and worship music playing; she pointed for me to meet her at the back of the church. When I met her there; she asked was I scared. I said “Yes”! But then she told me that God told her to tell me to not be afraid that I can’t mess up because it was His story. Then she prayed with me that a peace would over take me.  This peace didn’t happen at that moment; but just as soon as I stood behind that pulpit and I started to open my mouth; there was such a great peace. I didn’t stutter nor was I nervous at all. The Holy Spirit just flowed as my testimony came out.

Once I finished and sat down I realized the reason I had to speak. More than what I had put into my blog came out that night. Several people stood up to thank me for sharing because the first young lady had held bitterness and anger towards her mom for a long time. She told me that just seeing the love between Samantha and myself and how much Samantha loves me even with all the hell that I had put her through; gave her the strength to forgive her mom just that night. She was at peace and was free from the bondage that she had been under of unforgiveness and said she was going to see her mom the next day. And she said that things were going to be different from that day forward.

Another young lady, my dear friend stood up and said she thought she was alone in being bitterly angry and hateful to her daughter for many years. She realized that night that we don’t have to carry that guilt and shame; that we can use our story to help others as we thank God for forgiving and changing us. Another woman asked me to keep her daughter in prayer as she was going through an abusive marriage. Then three different men stood up and thanked me for sharing and told me to keep holding on to God and that He will send me that special man that He chooses; to never lose faith. They too had been through divorce; but when they trusted God he sent them beautiful God fearing women.

*****Psalm 37:4 (NIV) Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

The next four weeks was a battle from hell as one fiery dart after another came. Between being sick and missing church, being criticized for believing the word of God and keeping my moral standards high; upsetting my parents and causing mama to not want to talk for a few days, and  a coworker talking cross to me and me not having any idea why; I was almost at the end of my rope. I felt a depression starting to overtake me. I felt I was dying physically, however I was dying mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Satan was on a mission to stop me from doing for God.

Join me next time as I continue this story and share with you how God saved me.

Remember God Loves You and So Do I !!

To God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit be all the Glory!

XOXOXO,

Donna

Righteous Prayer Needed

In James 5:16 It says to, “Confess your trespasses to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”  With this being said I am asking that you all pray for me. I have allowed things to pull me away from writing this blog that God asked me to write. I am praying for clarity of heart and mind that I can hear the Holy Spirit and continue writing for my Father so that He may be glorified!  

God Loves You & So Do I ! 

To God Be The Glory Always!

Much Love To You All ,

Donna