Busy Days- Missing You

Good evening to you all. I know I haven’t written in a couple of weeks but I plan to do so soon. Life has gotten busy with preparing for school to begin. Prayerfully after the first few weeks after school starts things will calm down and perhaps I can then get home earlier so I can write. For the time being please check out my latest post for God on the Emerge Ministries website at emerge4unity.org      https://emerge4unity.org/2017/08/22/whats-love-got-to-do-with-it/

To God Be All The Glory, Honor & Praise, Amen!

Much Love to You All,

Donna

Dear Future Son-in-Law — A Prayer

Dear Future Son in Law,
I don’t know who you are yet but my daughter has been handpicked by God to be your wife. I pray for the anointing for you to husband her and lead your family the way God has intended. I pray for you my sweet daughter the anointing to wife your husband and the anointing on you both to parent your children. May you grow together in your calling for our Heavenly Father, winning many souls for His Kingdom. May God be glorified in all you do and may everything you touch and do prosper. May your love for one another grow stronger day by day with God always being first in each of your lives. Remember God first, spouse second and children last…. out-of-order will cause disaster within your marriage. Pray together & for each other, praise & worship together, study the Word together, keep a date night, bring her flowers just because, hug & kiss each other often and let the kids see you so they know you love one another, respect one another, never go to bed angry, dance & dance in the rain, laugh lots, and say I love often, take those walks together hand in hand, and swing on the porch swing together and play. Enjoy each other and my grandbabies, for life is short & never take a day or each other for granted. Keep the family together, when things get tough fight on your knees with prayer! Love God first, love each other & love my grandbabies!

Future Son in Law take care of my baby girl!!

In Jesus Name I Pray, Amen!

Love,

Your Future Mother-in-Law

A prayer from my heart for my daughter’s future… I Love You Samantha!

June 7, 2017

Mother (A Poem for my Mama in Honor of Her on Mother’s Day)

MOTHER

M is for the moments you held me tight showing mercy, grace & love even when I didn’t act right.

O is for the times I was oblivious but yet  you loved me still as I never want to forget.

T is for teaching me about working hard and giving me advice so I could stand strong & to support myself in this life.

H is for helping me when I couldn’t help myself; for holding my hand to gently guide me along and teaching me to stand.

E is for every moment that you encouraged me to do my best without your pep talks and shoulder to cry on when I was just a child I wouldn’t know how to encourage the rest.

R is for the Respect due you that I often have failed to give for your beauty shines through with every day that you live!

You are truly an amazing Mom; a wonderful person! God knew I would be difficult and hard to handle so He blessed me with a strong, loving and beautiful woman to handle me. I am definitely not the perfect daughter; but thank you for giving birth to me and raising me the best you could. I am truly thankful and blessed to have you as my Mother!  I Love You Mama! 

 

May God watch over you day & night and fill you with an everlasting joy, peace and love that you so deserve.                      

I Love You to Heaven & Back Forever & Ever!

Your Daughter, Donna

****Proverbs 31:25 (NIV) She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

****Exodus 20:12 (NIV) “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”    

 ****Ephesians 6:2 (NIV) “Honor your father and mother” -which is the first commandant with a promise

Happy Mother’s Day!

XOXOXO,

Donna

@truelovewalk.com

 

God’s Love In The Raging Storms Of Life

As I sit on the beach typing this on my phone… one finger at a time; God is letting me see His beauty. Although the wind and waves are rough; the sun is brightly shinning. And as I look at the end of the pier I see a heart. He is all around me!

God loves us right in the middle of our storms. When the wind and waves feel like it’s too much to bear, that’s when He’s pushing us to that next level. Stay strong, stay focused for when the time is right; He will calm the raging sea in our lives. In the meantime we have to be like a surfer, have faith and trust God and just plunge into the waters and ride the waves of life and sometimes paddle our way through. God is right here cheering us on.

He reminded me of this today as I watched a young boy plunge into the ocean to surf. His fisherman dad stopped to watch him surf, took pictures and gave him a thumbs up! He was supporting and cheering his son on. And then when the young man was finished  Daddy went to the vehicle and got his sons jacket and helped him put it on. Wow! Just like our Father to do the same for us, support us, cheer us on and wrap us in His love. The end result is awesome!  Never let fear keep you from maturing spiritually.  Keep on plunging in and soon you will reach the other side. Our Father has our back and is our biggest supporter. With His support; failure is not an option!

Psalm 107: 29-30 (NIV) 29 He stilled the storm to a whisper;
    the waves of the sea[a] were hushed.
30 They were glad when it grew calm,
    and he guided them to their desired haven.

Matthew 4:19 – 24 (NIV) 19 “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” 20 At once they left their nets and followed him. Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, 22 and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.

23 Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people. 24 News about him spread all over Syria, and people brought to him all who were ill with various diseases, those suffering severe pain, the demon-possessed, those having seizures, and the paralyzed; and he healed them.

At the age of 51, I have finally started to understand a lot of things in my life. Took me long enough to say the least, but I have been derailed all my life by satan. I know now that he tried to take me out all these times because God has such a huge plan to use me to build His kingdom.

Before my mama knew she was pregnant, she slipped and fell on some rocks at the beach. She started hurting so she went to the doctor and that is when he told her she was pregnant with me. Perhaps satan was trying to kill me before I was born; but God had me in His arms. Now fast forward to when I was about 10 years old, I had a huge lump in one of my breast. We were terribly afraid, but thank God we were in church at that time. Pastor Sadie Ball prayed for me and the lump went away; God healed me! During this same time I had a dream and I think it was before we found the lump. But in this dream; satan and his wife came to get me. He went to the front door of my parents home and said he wanted me. His wife was waiting in the yard. Talking about being scared; that was a nightmare! As I reflect now on that dream; I realize it was satan trying to take me out with whatever that lump was…. but God!

Now we will fast forward again to when Samantha was 2 years old and before we moved to Potters Hill. With Samantha’s dad bringing drugs into our home; he opened up a doorway for satan to totally move right in. With this being said, as I posted in a earlier post I attempted suicide; but the gun was on safety. I almost killed her dad; but Samantha screamed and got my attention. Every way I have looked it seems satan has tried to take me out of the game that God has placed me in. God has my back and has all my life; just took me a very long time to see all of this.

With the doorway open for demonic things in my home; it became a deep dark place. As I was sitting at the kitchen table one night writing out some bills;  different lights in different areas of the house, one at the time sporadically  started flickering. And I could hear doors opening and closing; however there was no one there but Samantha who was asleep and myself. I could feel a deep dark presence as if someone was looking over my shoulder, and a cold breath behind me. Terrified was an understatement! And until I spoke with some Christians about what was going on; I didn’t have a clue. But this was my first physical encounter with demonic spirits.

Evil was present in my home for some number of weeks and I was afraid to even close my eyes at night because the presence was so strong.  Someone had told me to get rid of these evil spirits  I  would have to pray them out. So not even knowing what I was truly doing; I took Samantha to my parents, got my Bible and prayed before I went in my back door. Then with an open Bible, I walked throughout the entire house and prayed; commanding that evil to leave. After that my home felt like home again; however her dad and I never were able to make a go of our marriage.

Another fast forward to living in Potters Hill, a single mom, depressed, stressed, full of anxiety and fear of the unknown. I was dating a really good guy that played in my uncles band but something overtook me and I changed. I became bitter, controlling and manipulative, etc.  I think perhaps out of fear of loosing people when you are full of deep rooted anger, you have a tendency to push people away. I know that is exactly what I did for years. Although I had prayed the evil out of my home previously it returned to a home within me and I became someone I didn’t like. This was not my last encounter with evil demonic spirits as you will see as you follow my testimony.

Matthew 12: 43-45 (NIV) 43 “When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. 44 Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. 45 Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation.”

Trust God for He will be with you through all the storms in life. He is your biggest cheerleader and supporter. As Pastor Jim says, “You can’t loose with the stuff we use”! In other words, if we use the weapons of warfare that God has given us, we will come out victorious. But we have to choose to do so everyday.

Psalm 46:10 (NIV) 10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

If I don’t sit still; I can’t hear from God so sometimes he removes us from the distractions and busyness so we can hear Him loud and clear! That’s what He did today for me. I so needed this reminder of how much He loves me. And I want to say thank you to the father and his son who are from Greensboro for allowing me to use the picture that I took. After approaching them I found out they are Christian too. How awesome that God sent me today to see this love between a father and his child; and for the reminder that there are other Christ followers in the world because we do sometimes feel so alone.

Join me next week when I return to the story of my life testimony, beginning with my life in Potters Hill.

Remember God Loves You and So Do I!

XOXOXO

My Angel of God

On the way to work Tuesday morning the check engine and low water lights came on in my 1998 Chevrolet Cavalier and the air bag light shines regardless. As I was looking at these lights, God spoke to me and reminded me that sometimes we just need to check our spiritual engine (our heart) and see if our water level is low and if our airbags (weapons of warfare) are in place. Our water level gets low when we don’t stay in the Word and therefore we get out of alignment with Gods Word; giving satan room to move in. We must have our weapons of warfare in place, be prepared at all times because satan is out to kill, steal, and destroy.  (John 10:10)  (Ephesians 6:10-18) We are to be lights in this dark world and shine brightly for God.

I don’t know about you, but I am tired of allowing satan to steal from me and it’s time I take my stuff back!  So as I press on for God in writing this blog; I am taking my stuff back by going into the enemy’s camp and shedding light on the darkness. Once exposed to light; he can’t use it against me anymore!

As I told you before in my first post I am definitely not the person that I use to be. I am not perfect but thank God I am redeemed. My life was consumed at one time by bitterness, hatred, envy, jealousy, deep rooted anger, rage, selfishness, hatefulness, spitefulness, etc… not a pretty picture; but God!

The following poem and follow up story were written by me May 21, 2008:

I have had many spiritual struggles since I wrote all of  this but God makes beauty from ashes.

My Angel of God

My Daughter is an Angel from above,

She has given me so much love.

Even when abused,

She sought refuge

In our Heavenly Father above.

I mistreated her dearly,

Sometimes severely,

When she was just a tot.

Her life has been rough

But she remembered God is tough,

So she held fast

In her love for me

And our Father above.

Thank God above

She is filled with His Love

And led me straight to “Him”.

It took many a year

Before I could hear

And seek the forgiveness

Of my “Father” dear.

It took God above

Filling me with His Love

To become today

A woman who wants to obey!

Thank you Dear Father for forgiving me

And allowing her

to never forget.

That as “You” forgive,

we must also forgive and forget.

Her faith so strong

Lasting for so long

Led me straight to you.

Without this Special Angel you sent

I don’t know where I would be,

Because she has always been

a Special Friend

And never lost hope in me!

With my daughter at my side

We seek You God with pride

And love You more each day!

Thank you Dear Father

For my Special Angel,

Who refused to give up on me.

Someday in Heaven we will be!  ©

May 21, 2008 — Faith the size of a mustard seed is all it took for Samantha to hold on to the love of God. She was around the age of 5 when I realized just exactly what I was doing to her. Being a single mom, stressed out with work, raising a child alone, working full time, paying all the bills, just doing everything to raise her all alone and receiving very little if any child support. I was so emotionally wrapped up in me, that I would get mad at the drop of a dime and yell and scream at her. I would often spank her just because I was mad and she didn’t do exactly as I wanted her to do. But, I woke up and realized what was going on after months of this behavior. I then started counting to cool off before I did anything to her. If she was doing as she was suppose to by the time I reached the number 5, everything was fine and I didn’t lose control. This counting to 5 really helped me, but I owe it all to God; because He was always with us, even when I didn’t think so. He helped the two of us all 10 years that we were alone. This time in my life was very emotional and I didn’t know what to do. This came after much physical, mental and emotional abuse earlier in my life from previous relationships and marriages. But I finally woke up and said “Who is suppose to punish me for being bad or for not doing as I am suppose to”? There was nobody there except she and I; at least that’s what I thought!

So we were on and off in church. She would beg me to take her and I would go on occasion. But I always took her to Vacation Bible School. She truly enjoyed it and would beg me to go back to go to Sunday school. After VBS, I would go to church with her but not Sunday school, for maybe a month and then once in a while thereafter until it was none at all. But she always, always would ask “Mommy can we go to church on Sunday”?

Moving to Richlands after re-marrying in 2005 (3 years ago at this time) we were lucky enough to live walking distance to church. Samantha’s experience with this church started out with VBS and she had fun and wanted to go back. Being within walking distance, as she got older, she would walk to church if I was unable to bring her or get her a ride. Because there again; I didn’t really want to go, I was too busy, didn’t feel like going, wanted to just rest or sleep late, needed to do something else. Any reason I could think of was basically what I was trying to come up with. And I know it was just satan himself standing in the way of me seeking salvation. Then recently, when everything seemed to be wrong in my life and I felt as if I had lost everything, she said to me “Mama, I want you to join me at church and in the choir”. At that point, I started driving her and staying for her choir practice and going to church to listen to her sing in the choir. Then the Spirit of God fell upon me and I asked Him for forgiveness of my sins. After being baptized on February 10, 2008 along with her, I have joined her in the choir and church.

There have been some rough times still because I didn’t allow God to work in my life and I tried to handle things myself. But, I know that I must allow God to do His work and have the Faith that my little girl had when she was only a Tot!

I thank Him every day, that He Blessed me with this Wonderful Daughter, who is here as His Angel; because He used her to rescue me!       (May 21, 2008)

The above poem and story was my testimony that I shared with a small group of women in 2008. I have held onto this until our trip with our Emerge Ministries Family to Washington, DC a few weeks ago. I allowed one of my precious Sisters to read it and today I am sharing with you. Since writing this in 2008 my life has been through many storms and my faith had wavered but today I know one thing for sure is that God is All I Need. With Him all things are possible and He makes beauty from our ashes!

Whatever you are going through today; just know God Loves You right where you are; right in the middle of your mess. Ask Him and He will help you. He used the faith of a little girl and her prayers to save my life. Never dismiss the faithful prayer of a little child; they could be the only person praying for you, as was in my case. I thank God that he blessed me with such an amazingly beautiful daughter with an incredibly beautiful heart!

We must have childlike faith!

Matthew 18:3 – And he (Jesus) said, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Psalm 116:6 – The Lord protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and he saved me.

God Loves You and So Do I !

Join me next week as my journey to true love continues!

Keep me in your prayers as it gets harder before it gets better…

Much Love to You All!   XOXOXO

The Battle is Real – Depression, Almost Death and Homelessness

To get something you never had; you have to do something you never did! These words stand out to me because we all want more out of life than what we have. I am not seeking material things however at this point in my life; I have finally figured out exactly what it is that I want. I may not always be on the right path but God has placed good Godly people in my life to help steer me along. What I seek now in life is to be a Disciple of Christ winning souls for His Kingdom. And I desire a Godly husband to serve with me side by side; hand in hand and God has promised me this!

Matthew 6:33 (NIV) But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Luke 12:31 (NIV) But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

After running from God for many years; not seeking his kingdom first my life has been a train wreck. Not every moment has been bad; but God had so much more planned for me. Boy did I ever mess that up!  But my daughter made a statement the other day that hit home. She said, “If you hadn’t of gone through everything that you have, you wouldn’t be able to share your story and help others”! True words for sure and although I am not proud of my past; I am grateful that God can use my life to help others. This is why I am sharing my life story.

It’s funny how events in life affect the rest of your life. From the time I was a little girl feeling unloved, unworthy and rejected from those around me; this started a cycle in my life that I just couldn’t seem to derail. The feelings of inadequacy kept me thinking that I didn’t deserve more in life so I settled. I think this is how a lot of girls and boys think too. But now that I know who I am in Christ; I know that I am not second-rate and I never have to settle for less than God’s best. He is using me now to help others who are in that place where I came from. In our brokenness the pain starts a cycle in your life but when you let go and let God; your life changes completely. We will face many ups and downs on our journey; therefore we must choose every morning to put on the full armor of God so that we can be prepared.

Ephesians 6:10-18 –Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and put on the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but  against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—

Yesterday was my birthday and I received the sweetest card from my daughter. As I read this card I cried because the words mean so much to me. Knowing what I put her through and how I treated her over a number of years; she should hate me. But God!! As my blog for God continues you will see why these words in this card mean so much to me. Praise God for a daughter that loves me unconditionally; and for my God who loves me unconditionally and for both of them never giving up on me!

Moving to Pin Hook in January 1994 was probably not one of the smartest of  ideas; but we had to go somewhere. With Samantha’s dad back in his old stomping grounds with old friends it created more drama than I had bargained for. Our life at first was ok as we were excited to be able to have a place we knew we wouldn’t have to move from. And on Samantha’s first birthday I went to work at a daycare center only because they had an opening for her in the baby room. I just knew that life would get better for us now. But the next year brought many challenges and things I never had dreamed of.

As I worked at daycare; I decided I wanted to become a teacher assistant and work in the school system so I started classes to do this. Samantha’s dad worked out of town a lot during this year and I realized he was into things that I had hoped he would have left behind.  Then he decided to build houses and joined up with a local contractor and they became partners. So now he is home with us.

I wanted a good life for Samantha but as time went on I realized things were never going to change. The battles between her dad and I began when I came home and realized that drugs had been in our home. And every time I said anything about the drugs; I would get put down and that finger in my face.  I didn’t want my baby girl to be in this.

Things started to disappear around the house; and one night as I looked over my bank statement I realized checks had been written that I had not written. He had stolen 10 checks from my checkbook; therefore all the bills I had paid were not paid; the checks bounced. As the effects of drugs took over his life; the effects of anger, depression, and hopelessness took over mine.

As I pour out my heart and soul here; please pray for me as this is extremely difficult to tell!

Deep anger, depression and anxiety has many effects on a person. And as one thing after another came against me, against us as a family Samantha’s dad and I grew apart; separating us into separate bedrooms. I didn’t know how to fix it and I just wanted out! I wanted the pain to end!  Things got worse and out of control; I knew he had a pistol in the car so one night when we were arguing and fighting; I’d had enough. I ran to the car grabbed the pistol, put it to my head and tried pulling the trigger; the safety was on and I didn’t know how to take it off. I didn’t realize it at the time but God was protecting me! Oh how selfish of me to want to do this but this was not the last time unfortunately!

The addiction increased; his money decreased and when I refused to give him what I had that I needed to take care of Samantha with; he became violent. Therefore many nights I put Samantha in bed with me to pull the bed to the door just to keep her dad from getting in and hurting me. As things spun out of control over the months ahead; things got really out of hand during a huge fight. Something had taken over me and I became someone I never wanted to be. Just like in the show “Snapped” I did snap and was so focused on taking him out to stop my pain; I wasn’t thinking about anything or anyone else.

I know now that is was satan only out to destroy me completely. But thank God that Samantha screamed for us to stop; when she was only two years old. I had a machete knife in my hand and was about to take his life! Oh the devastation I almost caused  Samantha! She would have been without a mother and a daddy as he would have been dead and I would have been in prison! I can still see all of this playing over in my memory. I will never forget the look on her face as she cried and screamed for me to stop. Needless to say things completely went down hill after all of this.

Right after Samantha’s second birthday is when I had finally had enough. It seemed nothing was going to change; my anger was only increasing and I had started drinking more as I was trying to drown the pain. We held on while sleeping separately until after Christmas. The day after Christmas I had his stuff packed and on the back porch to move to a place he was renting. I couldn’t do this anymore!

I had been in a wreck right after I had given my 2 week notice at my job in September of that year as I had planned to go to work in the school system. Well it so happened; I didn’t go to work in the school system I was hurt from the wreck. I had no job as she had already hired someone for my position, Samantha’s dad moved out,  I lost my car, then the electricity was turned off! Guess what, it’s winter and I have a two year old who is delayed in everything she does. Still in diapers and still needing milk and food!

I didn’t know what to do and  I was totally devastated. I thought about going to work at a bar as a dancer/stripper as I knew they made a lot of money. But something just wouldn’t let me do that. I know now that it was God and I am so thankful. But what I did do was move in with my ex sister and brother in law that so graciously gave us a room to sleep in.  With a lot of drinking and partying every weekend Samantha and I stayed there for about three months until something happened and then I moved into my parents home. By this time I had obtained a job, gotten another car and finally starting to make headway. When I was finally able to get the electricity turned back on in our single wide we moved back home. Then the next year after tax refund; I moved that single wide to Potters Hill.

The time frame from moving back in until moving to Potters Hill was trying. Samantha’s dad fell deeper into drugs; lost everything he had and when he went to stay with his mom; we started going to church in Wilmington together. I re-dedicated my life to God and was baptized. But just like when I was 15 years old, I ran again! When we couldn’t get it to work out; I sought love from other men instead of from God. What a year!  Looks like I would have learned by this time.

God makes beauty from our ashes! I am forever grateful because my ashes have been extremely ugly. The anger, depression, anxiety, hatred, and bitterness are only about to increase as time goes by. My choices got me where I am and my choices put me in every situation that I was in. But praise God that He loved me enough to not leave me there!

Join me next week as life in Potters Hill begins!

God Loves You and So Do I !

Be Blessed!