On the way to work Tuesday morning the check engine and low water lights came on in my 1998 Chevrolet Cavalier and the air bag light shines regardless. As I was looking at these lights, God spoke to me and reminded me that sometimes we just need to check our spiritual engine (our heart) and see if our water level is low and if our airbags (weapons of warfare) are in place. Our water level gets low when we don’t stay in the Word and therefore we get out of alignment with Gods Word; giving satan room to move in. We must have our weapons of warfare in place, be prepared at all times because satan is out to kill, steal, and destroy. (John 10:10) (Ephesians 6:10-18) We are to be lights in this dark world and shine brightly for God.
I don’t know about you, but I am tired of allowing satan to steal from me and it’s time I take my stuff back! So as I press on for God in writing this blog; I am taking my stuff back by going into the enemy’s camp and shedding light on the darkness. Once exposed to light; he can’t use it against me anymore!
As I told you before in my first post I am definitely not the person that I use to be. I am not perfect but thank God I am redeemed. My life was consumed at one time by bitterness, hatred, envy, jealousy, deep rooted anger, rage, selfishness, hatefulness, spitefulness, etc… not a pretty picture; but God!
The following poem and follow up story were written by me May 21, 2008:
I have had many spiritual struggles since I wrote all of this but God makes beauty from ashes.
My Angel of God
My Daughter is an Angel from above,
She has given me so much love.
Even when abused,
She sought refuge
In our Heavenly Father above.
I mistreated her dearly,
When she was just a tot.
Her life has been rough
But she remembered God is tough,
So she held fast
In her love for me
And our Father above.
Thank God above
She is filled with His Love
And led me straight to “Him”.
It took many a year
Before I could hear
And seek the forgiveness
Of my “Father” dear.
It took God above
Filling me with His Love
To become today
A woman who wants to obey!
Thank you Dear Father for forgiving me
And allowing her
to never forget.
That as “You” forgive,
we must also forgive and forget.
Her faith so strong
Lasting for so long
Led me straight to you.
Without this Special Angel you sent
I don’t know where I would be,
Because she has always been
a Special Friend
And never lost hope in me!
With my daughter at my side
We seek You God with pride
And love You more each day!
Thank you Dear Father
For my Special Angel,
Who refused to give up on me.
Someday in Heaven we will be! ©
May 21, 2008 — Faith the size of a mustard seed is all it took for Samantha to hold on to the love of God. She was around the age of 5 when I realized just exactly what I was doing to her. Being a single mom, stressed out with work, raising a child alone, working full time, paying all the bills, just doing everything to raise her all alone and receiving very little if any child support. I was so emotionally wrapped up in me, that I would get mad at the drop of a dime and yell and scream at her. I would often spank her just because I was mad and she didn’t do exactly as I wanted her to do. But, I woke up and realized what was going on after months of this behavior. I then started counting to cool off before I did anything to her. If she was doing as she was suppose to by the time I reached the number 5, everything was fine and I didn’t lose control. This counting to 5 really helped me, but I owe it all to God; because He was always with us, even when I didn’t think so. He helped the two of us all 10 years that we were alone. This time in my life was very emotional and I didn’t know what to do. This came after much physical, mental and emotional abuse earlier in my life from previous relationships and marriages. But I finally woke up and said “Who is suppose to punish me for being bad or for not doing as I am suppose to”? There was nobody there except she and I; at least that’s what I thought!
So we were on and off in church. She would beg me to take her and I would go on occasion. But I always took her to Vacation Bible School. She truly enjoyed it and would beg me to go back to go to Sunday school. After VBS, I would go to church with her but not Sunday school, for maybe a month and then once in a while thereafter until it was none at all. But she always, always would ask “Mommy can we go to church on Sunday”?
Moving to Richlands after re-marrying in 2005 (3 years ago at this time) we were lucky enough to live walking distance to church. Samantha’s experience with this church started out with VBS and she had fun and wanted to go back. Being within walking distance, as she got older, she would walk to church if I was unable to bring her or get her a ride. Because there again; I didn’t really want to go, I was too busy, didn’t feel like going, wanted to just rest or sleep late, needed to do something else. Any reason I could think of was basically what I was trying to come up with. And I know it was just satan himself standing in the way of me seeking salvation. Then recently, when everything seemed to be wrong in my life and I felt as if I had lost everything, she said to me “Mama, I want you to join me at church and in the choir”. At that point, I started driving her and staying for her choir practice and going to church to listen to her sing in the choir. Then the Spirit of God fell upon me and I asked Him for forgiveness of my sins. After being baptized on February 10, 2008 along with her, I have joined her in the choir and church.
There have been some rough times still because I didn’t allow God to work in my life and I tried to handle things myself. But, I know that I must allow God to do His work and have the Faith that my little girl had when she was only a Tot!
I thank Him every day, that He Blessed me with this Wonderful Daughter, who is here as His Angel; because He used her to rescue me! (May 21, 2008)
The above poem and story was my testimony that I shared with a small group of women in 2008. I have held onto this until our trip with our Emerge Ministries Family to Washington, DC a few weeks ago. I allowed one of my precious Sisters to read it and today I am sharing with you. Since writing this in 2008 my life has been through many storms and my faith had wavered but today I know one thing for sure is that God is All I Need. With Him all things are possible and He makes beauty from our ashes!
Whatever you are going through today; just know God Loves You right where you are; right in the middle of your mess. Ask Him and He will help you. He used the faith of a little girl and her prayers to save my life. Never dismiss the faithful prayer of a little child; they could be the only person praying for you, as was in my case. I thank God that he blessed me with such an amazingly beautiful daughter with an incredibly beautiful heart!
We must have childlike faith!
Matthew 18:3 – And he (Jesus) said, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”
Psalm 116:6 – The Lord protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and he saved me.
God Loves You and So Do I !
Join me next week as my journey to true love continues!
Keep me in your prayers as it gets harder before it gets better…
Much Love to You All! XOXOXO